up to the date.

ahh. been a short while and am updating cuz i cant slp.

hmm where was i? ok my contract wif the resort worlds sentosa ended w/o much of a high note and i definitely didn leave wif a smile. but nonetheless, looking back, jus a job =)

kk so i got back my results and done my course registration and stuff, am looking forward to the new start of the school term! not.

haha just kidding myself, i hate studying seriously. i love doing nth, but i always regret after tt=/ ohh well contradictary, tts humane nth more nth less.

a short update on today, watched the dumb movie called Lao niu chi nen cao, as mentioned earlier, its a dumb movie wif a dumb main lead but was kinda saved by the female lead. hahah the story plot is very dumb as well. BUT i wonder why, i kinda, got dragged into the movie as in, i felt as tho i took a tour in tt created virtual world and i left reality for an hour or so.

been a while since i had this feeling but i haf to say it doesnt feel good cuz i noe im in another world, this world, which i kinda hate. but its a lil refreshing if i really gotta put it in words.
well well, strange phenomenal ( yea i looked up the dictionary to spell this word)
hmm not much of inspiration to write today so...tts it for now. laters.=)



random sad notes: with the mood to chat and talk abt my life, without the partner to do so=) jus great. hahaa

screw me.

i realli hate myself.





if my son is like me. i wld definitely feel like giving him 1 punch in his face to make him wake up his idea. got my results ytd. its kinda like way better than my expectations. i was shocked, i didn noe how to react. i wanted to share my joy but i am too afraid of wad others might think. I am happy and yet sad. contented yet disappointed.


all these humane emotions, i wish i didn haf em. kk back to the part wher i realli hate myself.


(1) im bloody rude sometimes. im totally not fit to be impolite to anybody cuz im jus a nobody. (rhymes huh. =D)

(2) i hate hearing negative comments. which is vital for improvement.( somewhat bloody annoying)

(3) im sometimes so full of myself, when im such an imperfect creation.

(4) i get nervous and stressed up quite easily and i hate to admit it. wad a loser. GOsh roll eyes left rite up down.

(5) i jus suck la. srsly. jus F off and rot 1 corner can.?


kkkk so update on recent stuff. i always let things go at crucial moments and regretting it later, den wad. wad can i do? y is this brainless dog like this!?


it kinda revolves ard the same topic but i guess i shall elaborate on my emotions. jus for the record.

->i was afraid wad ppl might think.
~i did great for some of my subjects and i was proud of it. im concerned abt some of my frens but i am afraid tt they thought im a bzbody and is trying to compare results for no &$@* reason. Thus i jus kept to myself. much as i wanted some to praise me, i had to keep it in, with the person's feelings in mind.

->I am happy and yet sad
~i am happy tt i passed, very happy. but very sad to realize tt, there is nth waiting for me. there is nth to claim even after clearing this great hurdle. wad awaits me, i dont see it.

-> im contented, yet disappointed.
~im contented wif the passes i get, but disappointed to the maximum level tt no1. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE praised me for it. i guess they jus thought tt im a show off but, i dun think i am, OK?! at the end of the day. i jus need some1. just any1 to pat me on the back at least to tell me" you did great." tt wld haf sufficed.

would i trade failing and having loads of ppl to console me or passing wif no1 giving a damn abt my score? im seriously thinking of which 1 to choose. damn


arhh ok ok will stop whining for now. cya

so far so not good.=)

heehee life's been nt very nice but am still clinging on to it desperately. lets see wad will happen next... hmm few wise words for the day, i aint sure if any1 else said it b4, but i swear tt is wad came to my mind today

(1) if you dont hear ur colleagues telling you ur bad points, tt means they are talking abt it behind ur back.

(2) Having common sense, does not mean tt u are intelligent, u are jus lucky tt wad u jus did was correct. u might not be able to solve the nxt problem. (kinda abstract but try to understand wad im trying to imply)

(3) Every1 is clumsy and not talented at some areas, its definitely ok.

(4) If u are thinking y cant ppl be more like u, get it right, its just becuz u are the best creation from god.

(5) u feel tt im either deaf or having a poor command of english, while i feel tt u haf poor articulation and u speak too softly. So who is right?

lalala kinda nt very happy wif some stuff but aint got no mood to write them down here. i shall try my best to write abt some happy stuff by the nxt entry =)

go go fighting!

bad day.

why do bad things always happen back to back. i just had some problems ytd and the day b4 ytd. and today smth bad of mayb a greater magnitude happened today. for now i can only pray tt there will nt be any repercussions from these incidents which happened recently.

hurhur. im in a very bad mood today so i thought tt i wanted to blog abt smth but apparantly im kinda speechless now =/ so, time for some songs alrite? =)

its been a long while since i came ard,
its been a while since im back in town,
this time im not leaving without you..

bye.

its been a long while.

hello! its been a long while since i came ard. im feeling quite down today but i guess i shld still write in a happy tune cuz i dun think i shld be so gloomy everytime i blog.





ok i read my previous entry titled the moving life. i guess after tt entry, my life seems to moved on. went to work @ 2 places and its kinda like draining my life force away. luckily im made of better materials as compared to normal humans but, i've been thinking 'did i bit a chunk too big for myself?'





i guess i overestimated myself a lil too much, i tot i cld handle both sides well but apparantly, im doing very poorly on 1 side. so bad tt i feel so ashamed of myself, so bad tt i gathered a bunch of ppl to bitch abt mi. i unds tt bitching is human nature, but, i jus hate it when im the topic for it. well well. things will get better. plz work hard chaoyi, destroy those assholes ok? its ok, u are jus being lousy at smth which is nt ur speciality, plz work harder! ignore those negative voices and keep pushing forward. i noe u do nt haf the extreme intelligence but u haf the guts, the guts nv to give up, and tt will be ur edge to slay anything tt comes into ur way ok? GO GO FIGHTING!





okok putting tt aside,


i guess this might be fate or wadever, i met my SP @ rws while working. my god, i realli wish to noe her better but, grrr im too shy and stuff. but lets hope i will haf more chances to meet her and lets hope i can advance and yea! ( highly impossible)


but yea





its been 2 years since i let u go, this time im nt leaving without u.

ikimasho. Gambatte ne chaoyi san.

the moving life.

i understand the "moving life" sounds abstract but im jus using it as an antonym to my life which came to a standstill a month ago.

was hoping to find a job ASAP! wif the BEST SALARY but apparantly, u noe, diff ppl will haf diff life. was waiting waiting waiting for the calls to come but they never did. ohhh so somehow i did nth for a month and kinda like lived everyday for the sake of living.=.=

well well i guess i had enuf of this life, i decided to start my engines somehow. some kinda of bad quality job i suppose, found its way to me, being desperate, i simply accepted it. gahh. i aint sure im gonna regret it in future, but, the me now simply want to stop slackingg.
haha kinda happy tt my life is finally gonna changee.

2mths it shall be. i will be happy. yes i will.

random notes:
I had wished that u will treat her well and make her happy, i wun let u off easily if u make her cry. but now, i wish that u will break her heart and make her cry and leave her with a broken heart, for i noe that our eternal happiness does not include you.

jaja this came to my mind just as i woke up. haha so i decided to write it down somewher.
sore dewa, mata ne!

soul search.

yes. ive been wasting these few days not doing anything.
here i am, subconsciously, despite having a weary body, im not sleepy. hmm perhaps my subconsicious is stubbornly refusing to end my day jus liike that.
i was racking my brain for something to help mi kill time and then an idea struck me, yea i noe its no longer original but i went back to read my old CLASS BLOG.

for starters, the blog was meant for the class to share information and probably act as a space for every member in the class to probably also express how they feel abt any issues happening ard them. and yes, i created the blog for my class in jc... abt 5 yrs back? YEA...OMG ITS BEEN 5 YEARS.?!
oh wellls. i read thru the blog entries written by me and my classmates. ahhh brings back memoriess. once again, it kinda feels like ive transcended time and remembered all those minute details which would haf been forgotten. bahh as i read thru the posts, other than remembering the events which happened, i discovered smth interesting. smth which i hadnt noticed. i think i've really changed.

i remb why, i had more frens then than now. why, i felt tt i was very likeable. why, i hate myself so much now.

gahh. i guess i was a realli humourous funny and cute person then, wif a thinge of lively cheerful and amiable. haha i guess i exagerrated but, a little of all the above wouldnt be too generous alrite. wad happened to me, why is there a dark cloud hovering above my head and following wherever i go? why did u keep ur mouth shut and ur smile to urself.?! wad happened to all the humour which u were born wif and were once so proud of?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO U?! CHAOYI!

i couldnt answer myself. i didn noe wad caused the change. perhaps, all the things which happened? perhaps its jus part and parcel of growing up? i duno. i do not think i can find out. but yes this soul search. made me feel tt i acheived alittle smth today at least.
i looked thru my soul. i saw the person who had the same body as mi 5 yrs ago. i think i learnt a little today.

i will strive for the better. i can. i will =)



hahaha side note, this place is for me to write all my emo stuff. when im happy, i wun write it here, i wld tell every1 ard mi wif my mouth. spreading the joy i suppose? yea the place wher i pour my sorrows, where no1 other than me noes, here =) yea so if any1 is wondering why this person is forever emo nemo, tts the reason, cuz u are reading my blog, my personal archive of emotions.

another.

yet another day totally wasted. hmm tt jus proves how incompetent i am as a human, screwing up 1 interview and rejecting the other. just wad am i. wad do i think of myself. grrr am hating myself more and more. cuz i often regret wad i did like 10seconds later. but oh well tts me.

haha so an update of my life, basically sitting down there watchin some random videos which are totally not constructive at all. i noe im simply wasting my life but, i jus cant make myself do anything else. uh uh guess tts kinda bad... OKOK i will get my ass moving alright. i will do smth diff tml! i promise. haha

oh had a strange dream during my afternoon nap, i actually dreamt tt i was back in a BAND! hahaha i wonder wad i was in my dream, an alumni or member. haha but oh well interesting thing is i had a thought during the dream, i only remember that thought very clearly but nt the other details of the dream. i was thinking

"hey cy this is a dream u noe."
"yes i noe, but still, let me play tt intrument, let me perform b4 waking up ok."

oh my, i cant remb whether i actually performed, but i woke up soon after, with a smile on my face.

hahaha i guess tt is jus my brain trying to remb the times when i had fun and am actually enjoying myself. to escape this boring life for a while, a short break i would call it.=)

haha okok i guess tts it for nw. be back soon!

another day flew past

hmm.. rotting my flesh away.

its been. erm almost 2 weeks? and im still doing nth. outings? nope. didn meet up wif many ppl. (dun haf many ppl to meet anw.) job? nope. no employers called me at all. wonder wads wrong wif them but.. ohhh welll. screw this.

grahh no inspiration to write much at this moment. so... erm tts it for nw=)

the end of things.

yay.? somehow my exams ended and im now back into this process of searching for jobs + waiting for employers' call + waiting for frens to ask me out + rotting my ass at home. ahh.. quite a bad feeling. its gd to be able to rot at home but, well the thought of having to search for job is reallllllllll shity=.= facing those ppl checking the hell outta u and putting on this fake smile plus the fake professionalism. =/ one word -> troublesome

if only.. if only. haha i wouldnt mind slackin chillin the shit outta my life for now but. yup. tts life time to put on my smile and professionalism and get out of my hse searching for the $$$$$.

hope i wun take too long to find a job this time! gg. wish mi luck alrite. to erm, whoever haha lOl!

lalala

lalala in the rain. haha went cycling to pass smth to my fren, and it rained on my way back =.=. prolly coz of the pebble tossed into the pond a few days back, unconsciously, i went back to the place i liked so much haha. cuz tts the only memory i had wif =/. oh wells lalala in the rain feels good. its so much better than missing =/. gahhh went back home drenched. zz luckily i didn fall sick frm tt so, its cool. ermm. other than tt, life's been monotonous. and haf i mentioned abt it? passed pBF.. yay! barely, but im happy jus to be able to pass.! awww gotta study hard man chaoyi, if nt ur life's not gonna get pass 2011. hai. wadever ok? do work hard now! there are many things waiting for u after ur exams~! go go, fight! alright alright byebye.! for now. yea the rain, i still like it so much. haha

tuesday. with a twist.

hahaha! im back, wif a hmm... wad to say, nt realli good mood~ well well lifes been a bitch but im still hangin on since nth REAL bad happened haha. mm yea officially confined myself for the month till exams are over. hope it helps! good news! i got 70 points for my bloody stats 1 prelims. YAY! higher (much) than my expectations. but i somehow feel tt its untrue cuz i certainly dun deserve it=/ the marker was too lenient or rather, probably semi- blind? haha well but the bad news is tt i got 12 marks for my stats 2.=/ pretty or rather mUCH LOWER THAN EXPECTED? oh well didn feel much but lalala. ehh and as for the main reason that im back here is.. cuz of a stone was cast into a peaceful pond water this morning. hahaha if u noe wad it means. yea i checked my hp when i woke up, "1msg recieved" haha wth. lol wasnt expecting much and as i realized who the sender is, i was SHOCKED!! plus surprised plus wadever, haha i was thinking "wad the hell. holy mama."=.= gg haha well its her. even tho i intentionally didn tell her the fact tt i changed my hp no. but oh well. she found my no. nonetheless. hmm its been 2 yrs i guess? yup, the dumb and stupid mi kept telling myself to dun imagine things, but OH WELL, im still me, imagining all the impossible scenerios. LOL well well at least im really happy for a few hours. but it all ended in total disappointment. hahaha details? jus asking smth which is totally redundant.=/ the last msg frm me was "...see u if i see u=/" and the msg from u was "i dont think i will ever see u but, see you." hahahahaha kinda sad but kinda, well i cant find the word yet, i will write it down if i ever realize how exactly im feeling. lala.

eventful april fool

yo. actually nth much happened but jus felt like updating more frequently haha.

gonna update bout ytd and today.

31/3



hmm for some reason i somehow found myself back at PJC... again=.=!! for a diff purpose this time; to study. haha well well long story abt how i ended up inside again but well well, quite a bad trip back as the feeling is diff this time ard, and gah.=.= nth exciting happened.
felt like an alien invading the earth, i definitely dont belong there anymore, not matter how my mouth likes to brag abt my eternal youth nonsense, age alrdy caught up to me, im old.

1/4



haha suppose to meet wif fren for study session, but he suddenly told me tt he met an accident=.= tot it was an april fool's joke but omg its real after all. GG! but luckily he is fine. =x eh srsly nth much to say now. no mood. no feeling. hahahahaha blah blah cya again soon ba.

Yesterday =)

yay im back. haha rather early eh? hahah oh well a good place to practice writing in english(a little) and well, to jot down parts and parcel of my life in case i forget it in future. so, why not?! haha went for a great dinner cuz it my bro's treat =) due to the fact tt he received wadever bonus and wow! uh love the dinner and i feel tt he is great. err frm the bottom of my heart cuz, if i get a bonus, i dun think i will buy dinner for the family, i will perhaps get a few more shirts or shoes or go club and prolly gif a lil $$ to my mum or wad. haha oh well thanks loads for the meal! Go-chiso-osama deshita!

ya wadever, im trying to learn jap so pardon mi if u see some weird words here and there. hahahahaha ok so after the sumptuous meal, went home to bathe and change and off i went to meet up wif the usual gang. haha as always, so mighty happy when im wif them! haha and i dun care if we were to go our seperate ways in future, im jus happy that we were so close once. haha well well cherish the present yea? who noes wad will happen in future. dun take it for granted tt they will always be there wif u. haha quoted frm some drama=x ahh went to some prata shop to eat and as usual talk cock and waste time. got a couple of cans of beer to chill at west coast park after tt, well, i cant remember the gist of the topics we talk abt but, we had fun and laughter throughout so i dun think it matters ya? haha quite a fun day and i almost forgot tt i haf a major exam in a month time! LOL ya la ya la ok ok im gg back to study ok? byE!

im happy.

yes. im back to this wall talking to myself again. hahaha i will take it as a place for me to rant wadever and however i wanted to! well cuz i dun suppose any1 can handle all of my thoughts and strange way of thinking. thus, yea, im only showing this side of mi to you. i mean me. haha wel well guess wad, even i dun understand myself very well, i thought tt im some1 wif mild temper, but recently i realized tt tts nt the case cuz i kinda get irritated rather easily by recalling all the incidents which happened previously. there are so much more to myself which i dont understand.

So, perhaps, by keeping some evidence of my true feelings here, one day, when i come back to piece all of them together, i will noe myself better. and perhaps, if i ever find some1 who wish to noe more about me, and i feel comfortable about showing her the whole of me, i will gif her the key to this pandora's box , this time capsule, this archive of myself.( or wadever name u call it) =) hope tt day will come soon! hahaha

oh i was trying to archive this blog in my own PC since im nt sure when this website might become.. u noe, unpopular and gets shut down. hahaha thus having a backup shld be good! =0 eh chaoyi, the archive is in "C:\CY folder\phone\pic\sec sch Pictures\me\blog" in case u forget where u put it HAHA!

kk update on my life now. hmm 1 word =) uncertainty. yea. the main exams coming in 1 month's time, but im still nt in the mood to study. why? i wish i noe the real answer. but right now, my speculations are "lack of drive" mm. nth much distracting me now except for myself. prolly tts also the reason why im distracted. haha if u get wad i mean. distracted cuz there is nth to distract me. HAHA. yea boring life. which means that i haf no goal in mind and it means tt dere is nth to push mi forward!.. gRRRrr but i cannot fail. its not a shldnt fail, or must not fail. its CANNOT FAIL. cuz if i fail, i think my story wld end haha.

frens ard mi found their 1st love. =) happy for them, sad for myself haha i cant imagine wad its like to haf some1 who loves mi as much as i love her. grr jus tt no 1 is appearing in my life right now. wad a sad truth. ZZzz. im getting kind of impatient now.. srsly. my first love. whoever whereever u are. can u come to me like noW?! okok, it wld be kinda strange if u realli come to me now.. but ya come to me soon ok? ya i swear i will love u more than u love me. hahahahah! i will pour my 22years of collected love into U! BEWARE NOW!!! hahahaha wadever sounds despo. but well well jus trying to put a few drops of humour into this dumb and lame blog post. =x yea yea tts it for today!

haha.

okay. been down for a while and now im back up. haha who says guys wont feel emotional from time to time. the main thing is to be able to climb back up rite away. those who are able to say things like "Nth can bring me down! nth can make me sad. nth will make me cry" are jus blinded by their lame ass male ego and trying to brag the shit out of themselves to make them feel superior. well well. if u are realli like how u described urself as, u are either a moron or some1 who jus havent tasted failure.

uh ok so had fun these few days and i seem to be lazy to jot down memories anywher. errr kinda dumb as i drank quite a lil bit and got a bit tipsy ON MY OWN.=.= lol drinking by myself is kinda lame but oh well. tts my chu xi nite. and the whole of chu 1 im simply sleeping away cuz im kinda having a rather bad hangover=.= lol

okok so went jw hse to play. haha won a lil $$ and got my mood high uP! hahaa uh somehow celebrated Thyechuan's bday by buying a small cake and getting a real lousy gift. feels real guilty as i didn realli did my best. can see frm his face he aint real happy and im real sure tt if tts wad my frens gif me, i will kill them. haha. damned. i hope i dont get this kinda treatment this yr ok? will be damn sad. haha

as for today, went to study but i totally cant get the mood.=.= probably bcoz im studying pBF=.= screwed up subject. wadever man. haha kinda wasted the whole of today but. yes. plz go and study later ok? lol waiting for the stupid video to convert finish.. ZZZ kkkkkkkkkkkkkk i go do smth else first den.

Fallen.

hmmm. its jan 26, 2011, 6:40 am now. okay a rather saddening moment for me. argh the story goes like this. =)

err, kinda kena "nominated" ( a better word would be sabo-ed) to be the nxt organizer of the OG outing. its nt the first time im organizing an outing and if it is wif my og, i guess it wld be ez, as in easier? cuz guys are rather reluctant to do some activities w/o girls. yup, so i went ahead and created the event page on Fb~! haha after a few days, onli 3 ppl responded? so i sent a msg to the rest and reminded them to respond. LOL. then to my SURPRISE, ( unpleasant) ok will move straight to the final statistics, 9 not attending, 4 awaiting, 2 mayb 6 attending. LIKE. YEA. u noe the 3 words to use, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !?! gG! lol i didn noe my popularity was, THIS LOW U NOE? lol. den i start to think back, err i think i can recall a couple of ppl who avoids mi ( if im nt wrong) and plus this, omg?! LOl the lovable and popular CY fell! AM I LIKE HATED NOW?! hahahaha gosh, so i start to think back....dun remb doing much evil stuff.. a lil here and there but arghhh.. oh well. this sux. and i hope im wrong this time around. haiz............

haha i admit, the event was rather sloppily planned and ive alrdy made adjustments! so ok. hope things get better. arghh. damn this shit~! jus when i thought my life is gonna get better cuz i won $$ at Mahjong. lOL

uh and i used to be hearing so much of i haf good popularity and im popular among my frens, and now, somehow, some1 commented that im not popular at all, instead, my popularity is, POOR!?
( REN YUAN BU HAO?!) GG SIA!

HEY CHAOYI OF THE FUTURE, TELL ME IM WRONG WHEN U READ THIS NXT TIME OK? PLEASE?! AND REMB TO POINT TT GUY A MIDDLE FINGER IF U REALISE TT HE IS TALKING BULLSHIT OK?!

tts abt all nth much happenings bye.

yo wassup.

Hi. im back. with a lighter spirit this time around.
haha was in a nt so good mood these few days cuz of the lack of vitamin frens. well well, guess they are all bz i suppose. looking at all of their fb updates, kinda jealous tt they are having a whale of a time while im still trapped in this boring and monotonous black and white world of my own. welll well, things will get better i suppose. soon? No matter. jus one of the blue moon nights when i cant sleep and got loads of things running through my mind. No matter, i suppose all of them got straightened out after all. haha kinda love my optimism now lol

well wads happened these few days, uh stayed home and tried to study but i didn realli manage to put much things into my mind. Zzzz wads more, cant slp for no bloody reason. strangely, wanted to update many things previously but now i 4got wad i wanted to type so, hmm ill jus randomly crap my way thru den. living kind of like a secluded life where im jus with me, myself and chaoyi. lOL i hope i will nt become mentally unstable after some time.. =/ argh. wadever, if i happen to become mentally unstable, this sentence is for me to wake up my bloody idea and snap back to normal "CHAOYI WAKE THE SHIT UP MAN! U ARE NT ALONE! GO BLOODY FIND UR FREN TO CHAT AND STAY NORMAL CAN?!"

=.= siann crapping my way through. OH I rembed wad i wanna say, k so its like a couple of my frens are moving on with their lives quite well and i think they are kinda like getting their love life balanced out soon. hmm makes me wonder, wad the hell was i doing? wads my bloody problem.?! in fact, i thought they had problems.. but i guess it turned out tt im most likely be the only 1 with a hell lot of problems, cuz yea, im far frm a r/s. ZZZ gg sia. i hope my frens wun think tt im abnormal=.=
yes. i noe its strange, but i can jus say, im unlucky! i havent been able to meet any1 i like or any1 who showed any slight possibility of liking me ok?! ZZzz im jus nt good enuf yet.! umm so yes, i will try my ultima best to buck up. be more frenly! be more approachable=.= ok yes yes. i will drop tt "im gd looking/ cute or wadever bhb joke" guess its jus nt suitable for me=/ and i will cont to act like a clown ok? prolly things might work out better that way.

a clown will stay as a clown, no matter how he tries to dress up or act gentlemanly, he will nv bcome a prince charming. he will jus look more like a failed clown.
-chaoyi

haha wise words to serve as a reminder to myself=.= haiz.. ok! a new start! a positive mindset to go! tts it for now~

hahaha emo emo.

yea chaoyi. im talking to u onli when im feeling unhappy. when i am happy, i wldn be writing to u. haha!

hmm where do i start, okok. i shall talk abt the time capsule which i took a few days back. due to unexpected circumstances, i somehow decided to go back to the cold storage ffdc for a little walk due to my dear ex-colleague( cuz he suddenly felt like gg back). i tot to myself, "hmm nt a bad idea, nth to do anyway" even tho i felt quite ridiculous as ive only worked there for like, 3 mths? and the bonds i had dere aint realli deep. oh well, might as well. haha
YUP. so i went back dere, seeing how some things changed and somethings that nv changed.its jus like so recent when i was still working there. the trip back was the key to a locked chamber of memories which i misplaced. memories jus keep flashing back and i remembered so many things which happened previously. ahh fond memories, events which were filled with joy and laughter. much hardwork and boredom. my brain is starting to fail me after all, even with all the talk abt immortality. LOL! yea i guess as more memories start filling up my mind, older, non-impt info jus get deleted or chucked away in dark corners and locked up. haf to admit, im realli getting old.

cant realli bear to leave after stepping in there, unexpectedly. hanged ard till they started chasing me away. gosh. wad happened to me. tts so not me! oh well, kinda happy tt my soul actually travelled thru time to a 10over mths back and yea! nt tt bad of experience=)

uhh den i went back to PIONEER JUNIOR COLLEGE on friday. wad the hell rite? yea. u were this crazy. argh another place full of fond memories, full of things which i like. ULTIMATE JOY, LAUGHTER AND HAPPINESS. rejection and disappointment... to a small extent. arhh how long has it been...3 full years. w/o any expectation of any1 remembering me, i went back, with the sole intent of feeding my soul wif fond memories wif my ex-classmates. those were the days, which i claimed to be my happiest days, the point of my life wher i grew up alot. the days, wher i met impt frens. gah! the tot of it jus spurns my hot blood.
ah as i was saying, visited.. nono disturbed some juniors in their normal routine life. haha kinda strange to see some1 who graduated for more than 3 yrs still coming back. i placed myself in their shoes as well. i wldn welcome them. AT ALL. haha some teachers who taught me still remb me. surprised and glad! tts when my teacher told me abt a couple of my pranks and retarded stuff i did when i was younger, haha! i dont remb doing them but, u wldn noe how it feels to hear abt how other ppl talk abt urself as tho she is nt talking abt u. cuz u dun remb doing them after all ( if u get wad i mean chaoyi.) well well love pjc to the ultima max.srsly.

probably becuz im lonely and very empty at this point of time. tts y im starting to find back the memories of myself when i wasnt this lonely, this empty. trying to feel up the void inside u see. argh! dont think u got it but. ohwell. jus remb this, chaoyi, u are bloody lonely and empty at this point of time! wondering which point? sep2010 - jan2011. and its still going on. haha hope u are much better at the time u are reading this. emptiness and loneliness, quoted frm a strange person who somehow put feelings into these 2 words. ya. chaoyi, u were a loser. i am a loser. BUT I WILL WIN. SOON.
okok tts abt all for now. craves for love to come soon. love. love love. i wish i noe wad it is. =/ used to believe tt i am nt ignorant when it comes to love. well well i guess i really am ignorant.GRRR. NO MATTER, keep fighting! dont gif up! the moment u gif up on urself, the whole world gives up on you! FIGHTER GO!

MORe updatess~

ok...update again.. errm unemployed AGAIN. i tot by starting to look for jobs b4 i get unemployed will shorten my unemployment period but. obviously tts not the case\= oh well can onli pray tt my employer will call me soon.

take note.. its 1st june. my unluckiness is still clinging on. make sure tt u ( chaoyi) remb to update when u feel tt ur luck changed =)
- lost $30 in mj (zz u may think its cuz of my poor skills. but i still seriously feel tt its unluckiness.. SERIOUSLY. each time i see the 13tiles i get, i noe my good fren [god of suay] is wif me. not 4geting the tiles i get each turn.. owns as well)
- every1 else got a stable if not at least a job they like while i got a job tt is onli 1mth contract.. (after one and a 1/2 mths of search, and now im unemployed for 2 weeks.. again.)

hmm however, we shld be able to count our blessings in order to be happy,
im slacking so much at home and wasting my life away! its a blessing! <- as in seriously.

oh btw this period is also a pang seh period, why? cuz alot of ppl last min ps me..(its ok...serious) or, every1 is jus rejecting my attempts to meet up.(its screwed up... but i can endure..) WORST THING IS, THEY DAO ME!. nv reply at all! WAD AN ASSHOLE. i seriously hope, bad karma will find them. sERIOUSLY. yes, I AM CURSING THEM. CURSE CURSE CURSE. NXT TIME U SMS UR FREN, THEY WUN REPLY U.! bad karma will find u like how it found me. lol

time to reflect, yes, i used to dao ppl's sms last time and now i reaped wad i sow. =/ (i duno if its true but tts wad i assumed it is..) so, now im doing loads of good deeds so tt i can get my GOOD KARMA. =D i duno how long i will haf to do these good deeds in order to see a of hope, but, im so going to endure through it. I CAN DO IT.

o.o

hmm. updates.. am jobless for 2 weeks again.=/ weird.. why izzit tt ppl can find good jobs and why not me. argh. lazy to ponder abt such lame facts.. so cheer up and be happy!



ok, so..lets see.. wads happy for me.. erm.. staying home and sleep? haha its a plain and simple form of happiness tt is often taken for granted. a simple and relaxed life w/o any worries.. tts happiness.

lol but well well am really looking forward to having weird happenings tt can spark me up a little.. since ive been staying home for quite a while. ZZzz

calendar.

ohh looking at the calendar and reading those "wise words" from "wise people".. hmm the phrase for the month of MAY is "The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to make others so. - Robert Ingersoll" haha kinda interesting and rather true.. hmm after reading this.. im rather determined to MAKE OTHERS HAPPY! i wonder if i will be happy as well! so. yea. LETS do it!

June -> "peace begins with a smile - Mother Teresa"
July -> " Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so. - Belva davis
Aug -> =.= forget it... its not good haha
Sep -> "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it" - John Irving
Oct -> "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them" - Walt Disney
Nov -> "In dreams begins responsibility" - William Butler Yeats
Dec - > "There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved" - George Sand
Jan -> "The language of friendship is not words but meanings. It is an intelligence about language." - Henry David Thoreau
Feb -> Happiness is not something you postpone for the future, it is something you design for the present" - Jim Rohn
March -> A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.- Kathleen Grove

hmm see which of them touches ur heart and try to apply them in reality!! cya for now.... needa go toilet=/

things+age.

lol. life is great! seriously=)

so ytd is mother's day.. so.. brought my mum out for MOF=/ haha im poor, so dun compare thx. went to tour ard and went home after a few hours hanging there.. kk so here comes the interesting part =) according to my bro. we board 307 and i was lucky to find 2 seats for my bro & i, (mum sat smwher else). i sat down and looked up, omg, my bro is so far behind mi, den there is this rather, rather... not very lean female who sat beside mi. i looked at my bro and he gave a controlled laughter. so, oh well i dun realli care...so throughout the journey, i didn realli get to sit comfortably becoz tt female took up a rather significant amount of space and ohh my, seriously.. im totally fine wif it.
kk so it was raining heavily when we reached our stop. ->(there is a small side story but i dun really wanna write it down here.)<- My mother had an umbrella so she went the unsheltered way bcoz she will haf to go through a flight of stairs if she wants to go from the sheltered walkway ( she hates stairs) . my bro and i took the sheltered walkway as we do not haf umbrealla. "seriously what is she tinking abt=.= its jus a flight of stairs." i told my bro. jus right after i finish the sentence, i slipped and slided down the flight of stairs. =) erm its literally SLIDE down.. wif my ass. as in can u imagine playing a slide in a playground but the slide is substituted wif stairs. so my ass went "bump..!bump..!bump..!bump..!.... BUMP!" until i reached the ground level. lOL. my specs flew and my slippers came off as well. i ended wif a sitting position and i laughed out loud. my bro luffed as well. den this middle-aged couple came to me and asked if im ok. omg. its like the ultimate disgrace. i told them tt im fine and i picked up and left.. laughing. tts when my bro told mi, "wow. ur life is realli very exciting. first u got squeezed by a *quote* FAT girl *unquote* den u slip and fell down the stairs. it jus like a series of unfortunate events!" haha i luffed and tot to myself.."tts my luck. wads new."

yup. so tts the interesting weekend nt forgetting being PS-ed by 2 frens simultaneously and my bum hurts =). OH. i wore a white shorts when i slipped and fell down the stairs.=) how lucky.

kk its another chapter frm here after..
as usual i went to work and had the routine life.. i ran into a colleague in the toilet & we had a casual chat.. he asked me "u jus finished poly? waiting for army? or are u still studying in poly". lol den i told him, i finished army.=) as usual.. tt stunned reaction came=/ "uh?! u finished army alrdy ah." lol oh well nt the first guy anw. similar conversations happened last fri as well. hmm guess i m realli very acquainted with the word "poly". so, mayb i'll just claim tt im still studying in poly in future then. =) to reduce the amt of shock tt these ppl will experience.

so.. mayb a few points to check whether u are realli old.(in the heart)
- You no longer feel angry when ppl gave a younger guess to ur age.
- You read ur own blog entries from the past and u tot "omg?! was i like that?!"
- You saw "Students special" on fast-food restaurants and u cldnt figure out whether u get the promotion or not.
- You saw JC ppl in uniform talking loudly and u tot to urself "=.= kids."
- You look at guys wif a very short hairdo wif slope and black framed specs wif polo-tee, jeans, and a green colour backpack and u will exclaim "wah sian..nxt ICT shld be coming soon...=.="
- You see ppl wearing green jockey cap + uniform + green backpack + clean shaven hair + black framed specs and u will EXCLAIM "eew. cao RE***IT.!"
- You no longer find the need to say tt ppl are childish.
- You start to wry wad car to buy.
- You start to plan wad age to marry, how many kids to haf, where to go for honeymoon, who u are gg invite to be ur bestman.
- You feel tt $2 notes are nt realli useful. 10cent coins can be thrown onto the floor.(mayb $1 coins too)
- $1.50 chicken rice is a myth.
- drink ah? drink lo.. instead of "Drink ah?! steady steady! where?! drink wad?!"

and the list goes ON and oN! haha. this phase of my life is when i feel tt im old. but in actual fact, not really.. hmm oh well. a very complexed phase of life. am still young for the challenges ahead!

bleh. rather long entry. so.. "gotta enDx HerE lex WoRx. SeEx yAx veRyx sOooONx~!"

=.= haha am jus bored at work.

mmhmm.

cont.

Holy cow. i really was an angry kid.=) hahahaha super joke!
ok... i'll continue the update...
3/5
ahh felt a little satisfaction after realizing my plan(gg explore singapore). even tho its nt really of much fun but still. yes.
o.o after tt i went to meet my family for a nice dinner @ sunshine place. bro's treat for mother day, the zi cha stall is real good. shld try it out if u are loooking for a place to eat. ok went for dessert at xinwang yew tee point.

lol the i ordered grass jelly wif sago snow ice( good memory =) ) and my bro ordered some mango ice thingy. den the staff said tt the serving will be rather big and its best to share it. but i told my bro "no problem, im ard." den she luffed and said "oh u didn haf ur dinner huh, its really big leh.. u sure u can?" lol. i SERIOUSLY cannot take it when ppl taunt me or doubt my words.. burning wif pride, i said, "nvm jus come i can finish 1"
lol & so it came. mine was HUGE. and my bro's was HUGE-R( as in bigger). & he was like "oh, its realli big.. u sure u can anot?" zZZ i seriously hate it when ppl look down on mi or doubt my words. lol. so i began eating & eating & eating. wow it took mi some effort to finish mine, and my bro finished like ard... 1/2 of his thingy after i finished mine. so, i took his and poured into my bowl. & i kept on eating. lol.
after some time, i FINALLY finished everything and was rather, very satisfied with myself. lOL kinda dumb...isnt it? but oh well. anw, i realized tt actually its true tt u feel discomfort in the stomach when u ate too much ice.
=.=i had a stomach ache after tt lol & still have it till ytd. LOL it sucks but.. for the pride... its.. worth it=)

4/5
OH. back to work..bad start of the day when i realized i didn bring my key card when i was abt to reach the bus stop..ran back home to search for it to no avail..=.=oh well, missed the bus and was sweating profusely..=.= tt is seriously the ulti combi to spoil my mood.

aww was late and i cannot go in the office since i dun haf the key.. waited outside till somebody else come out den i sprinted to hold the door.. LOL=.= VERY.. UNSIGHTLY. aww reached my desk & realized i left the key card in my office=.= ohhh well...super boring.. as usual.. am seriously gonna die of boredom sooner or later..=.= read my blog archives from my JC days similarly i felt "WOW" again=). hmm was lost in my own memories until its ard 11+ (notice: i red my blog from 9am till 11++am) until my subconscious reminded me tt i am working! so, was abt to ask if there is anything for me to do den i turned to my left, i saw my colleague's screen.."Facebook"... den i turned to my right, i saw "Stylish outfit for the season" on the other colleague's screen, so.. "oh." i turned back to my screen and continued with my bejeweled.=)
i switched btween bejeweled..facebook..hotmail..etc till its 530pm.=/ the day was very.. lame.
zzzzz=.=


side note-> have u ever heard an Angmoh talking in real life? do u find it funny? i wonder why i realli feel like luffing out whenever there is an angmoh talking near me. the way they talk.. is jus... strangely..funny.

30/4, 3/5, 4/5

well jus some routine updates.

30/4
mm attempted to organize an outing for all the ex and current scorpion company instructors. its been quite a while since we last got tgt and i really wish tt it will be a really enjoyable and memorable get together session.. have been researching on wat to do and where to go for a couple of days but well... kinda got owned on the actual day itself as NTH.. absolutely NTH went according to plan... the place which i wanted to dine at... the after dinner activities.. all.. buang!

guess i jus sucked @ organizing things.=.=

ended up eating at KFC and playing LAN. wow wad a gathering. haha hmmm but good thing is we still managed to see that every1 is getting on well. so.. shldn be complaining tt much.

3/5
lol its a monday and the sat b4 was labour day. and so as usual, i left for work in the morning.. "hmm the bus seems to be having less passengers today.." i tot to myself.. "probably bcoz the schools are havin holidays"

i sensed tt smth is amiss when the bus reached the destination earlier than expected( due to less traffic tt day) and the office building itself seems rather... quiet. loL den i tot to myself "it cant be tt today is holiday bah... y nbdy tell me...." so.. i went up to my office and peeped in through the doors

"OH WOW. ITS TOTALLY EMPTY."

haha i wasnt angry tho, in fact im VERY happy tt i do not have to work! =) so, i smiled and left tt place... TO BREAKFAST! haha tts been my dream since a while ago... to have mac breakfast! =)

lol so i happily bought the hotcake meal & asked ppl to come out.

Qn: Why not just go home? Lame.
Ans: Cuz tt morning itself my mum asked mi, " u today got work not?" den i told her " shld be haf.. cuz nbdy say dun haf". den she answered, "even if dun have u better dun come home la. u at home so noisy and lazy, things anyhow throw duno how to put back"
=.= SO. i didn go home.

kk so got daniel out & went on our exploring trip. the 1st and i hope not the last expedition to locate new & fun places to hang out. Well brief bkgrd on tt, i was hoping to get a grp of 3 and go visit all random places in singapore to locate new & fun & fresh locations to haf fun during weekends. Hope tt i will really be able to locate new places & have fun along the way tho.

well, its hard to get ppl to take part, cuz its almost like walking ard aimlessly. BUT. it is this kind of walking ard aimlessly, tt new places will be located!

____________________________________________________________________________________________
So, if u are
-Young and bubbly,
-with an outgoing personality and
-Possess a pleasant and cheerful disposition

please email your detailed resume with photo attached to caoyi_36@hotmail.com to arrange for an interview & join this expedition!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
haha oh well explore AMK & bishan tt day and hmm cant realli say its good but.. nt too bad tho!

guess its rather long so.. ill stop for now.. still some stuff haven put in but will update again soon.=)

Time Capsule.

Time. haha its a very queer thing. read this if u are free

"siaNx...
haha.. today notHinG special..oni go SP?? hahAx nTh great lahx.. just that they all the project do until qUite nice lahx... the today's tour guide... haha damn funny lehx... after the thing then noThiNg much.. go hoMe liaox.. lolx when on the MRT horx... Super funNy lohx... got 1 couple so funNy...the guy pLay with the girl nose then me and zm say the guy dig the girl's nose shit.. haha then zm or mhao notice 1 ah pEh weaRing gay colour..then lolx that ah peh keep looking at a young boy1's **** there... haha.. real funny... all the biG sisters in SP no cute 1 oso... sianZ hahax "

This is a blog entry written by a 15yr old boy. haha i guess he must have felt rather happy when he typed these down. hmm interesting.. i wonder wad he will become when he grows up =)
time seems to pass so slowly everytime one is doing nth or doing smth that he/she doesnt like. while it passes by very quickly when one is enjoying the moment. what a weird sensation, so did time realli moved faster or its jus plain human's misconception.
no matter what, the fact remains, there is nth one single human could do to oppose that unimaginable flow of time. There will be a time when u look back and exclaim "wow, time flies" even when u remb urself saying "oh my god.. time is really crawling.." back then.

haha wad a load of feelings gushing into me now, cuz i was reading my own blog posts from erm 2005? and wow i was thinking which idiotic kid wrote this. Im glad i felt that way tho, it simply means that ive really grown, mature. all the memories were refreshed as i read through those posts one by one, i got so engrossed in my own emotions back then tt i forgot tt i was working. lOL

i was pulled back to reality after my colleague called my name. "oh, im working now." i realised. ho wow, it feels kinda good tho, i relived my secondary school days via this time capsule. i can picture myself and those familiar & nostalgic scenes which i had experienced b4 but haf put them away into a dark corner of my brain.

hah. felt refreshed and there is some weird sensations in me now. not those "weird" as in sexually but, mentally, i felt... kinda happy. genuinely.
im sure there will come a time in future where i will read my currents posts and exclaim "oh my, was i like this b4? im really such a kid".. tts wad i felt when i read through my 2005 posts. haha take tt chaoyi, u stupid young and idiotic childish kid. GROw up thx!

so, ChaoYi, be sure to smile when u read through this. i hope that u are finally happy now.

chaoyi = The younger me.
ChaoYi = The future me.

sudden.

there is this sudden silence that surrounded me. A moment ago, the office is still bustling with live, suddenly. there is silence. I glanced at the bottom right hand corner of my computer's screen and "oh its 12pm"

haha so i decided to write a blog post since no one else is in the office to supervise me =x heeehee work has been well, manageable.. rather simple stuffs for me to do. still very protective of myself tho, kept quiet and talked as minimal as i can=) to prevent myself frm getting too comfortable here and reluctant to leave after a month. haha its nt tt i hate it here, just tt i really need to find green grass out there.! if u get wad i meant.

oh on a saving spree tho haha spend <$1 on lunch daily now. =) good ass. haha life is still the same as before. nth interesting happend so, yea hope my recurring dreams ( being in love with a pretty girl) will happen in real life soon! jus to touch on the recurring dreams.. had similar dreams for 3consecutive days whereby i haf a girlfren. quite a loser rite? haha oh well its sweet dreams to me.

however wif reference to previous experiences, normally, nth tt appear in my dreams will happen in reality. haiz..

oh kk tts it for now. will update again soon=)

woOgffhh.. work.=.=

woOgffhh.. am working now.. nth to do so i decided to write a blog to improve my English standards and at the same time improve my typing skills. I am gonna finish typing this entry in one minute.

So, previously i have been searching for a job that is rather high paying and enjoyable. at least higer paying and more enjoyable than my previous 1.. so i've been hunting for 1 1/2 month. END up, =)

BUT, this time. im not gonna whine or grumble abt it.. i'll just let things flow peacefully. things will get better. definitely. YES! my life is gonna reach a turning point sometime! will be looking forward to it. Ooaghhff, guess tts it for now.


p.s. im in office typing all these.

Sore dewa, mata ne.

Effort.

update.

well well, on the hunt for a month now.. thinking back.. had quite a few regrets.."should have .... i should have..." lol cuz i turned down a few job opportunities.. now, jobless.. kinda regret it but OH WELL. i cant do much since i gave them up in hope of better opportunities.. well well. jus a wrong "investment" nth much to whine abt.

yea yea still jobless.. my frens must be luffing hard rite now... "cy is lousy.. cant even find a job." aww.. wad can i say. nbdy replies to my emails haha. mayb my resume is just poor.

kk tts it for now. nth much to update anw jus sleep & stone everyday.
oh. im learning jap=) haha

ohyasuminasai.

finally thought things thru.. phew. let it go. SUI!

life goes on.

yes. i stopped at the part when i overcame another milestone in my life. but that just brought me back to reality. The real world. the me who shouts @ ppl, who scolds ppl for leisure and command ppl does not exists. yes. the dream is over, i awakened & found myself lying on the same bed as 2 yrs ago. the problem which i tried to ignore in my dreams resurfaced & started to haunt me again. yes =) Uni.

im lost. previously, i would just ignore this topic & jus keep in mind that its not happening yet... when the time comes, the problem will be solved automatically. escape, definitely.. escaping from the harsh truth.. LOL =x

well well, short term goals first! found a job at Cold Storage as an ADMIN ASSISTANT / ORDER COORDINATOR.. take note, thx. not packer, not cashier, not storeman & not a deliveryman! =.= cuz previously whenever ppl ask me "hey where are u working at?", i will reply "cold storage"and immediately, they will give me a look of disdain and i noe wads in their minds.

"Must be some cashier or wadever lowly paid part time job". lol OHHHhhHH Wwelll.

mm drowned myself with work almost everyday frm the nov till christmas. Was reaally busy, but somehoW i survived. mm yea met frens to go out once in a while but somehow, i feel that the magic is no longer there =/ whenever i hang out with frens... i didn really feel tt much happiness, i laughed alot less than b4. wonder why. izzit bcoz i changed? or izzit my frens grew up too much, too fast for me to catch up with.? i dont noe. i do miss the times, when i can laugh with them till my stomach cramps. those were the days..

well well.. new yr flew past, den comes chinese new yr, an annual event when i will stay home and slack while my frens were visiting their relatives. Occassionally, i do get jealous when ppl were discussing abt how they hang out with their cousins & how much fun they got. while for me, that topic seems so foreign to me. ( since my cousins are in a foreign land ) =/ OH WELL. tts life.

hoo hoo was suPer looking forward to leaving my workplace as its really boring towards the end when we do not get as much work as compared to before. learnt alot of things there, i THOUGHT i grasped many of the relavant social skills & business skills + work experience. felt great as i get to meet loads of ppl frm the real world =) some in a more dire situation as compared to me, financially. heehee.. but nonetheless these little pride i finally gained were soon CRUSHED TOTALLY when i met my jc frens..

yes. i tot i grew quite abit after sometime back to the real corporate world. i was happy when i met my jc frens after sometime, since ive always been bz working working working.. living in my own world. lol. funny thing is, i realized, what i learnt recently, my new gained knowledge which i THOUGHT was so powerful, so new, so fresh, is nth more than superficial information. wow. lol my heart sank.. totally.

hohoho.. so my contract ends @ feb 27. was super happy that im leaving that place cuz i felt real bored there. yea. i THOUGHT with my work experience, i can find a job easily in a very shoRT time frame.
aww not to mention, the ghost UNI came back to haunt mi everyday, its not that i do not want to solve the problem.. the fact is that, i cant solve the problem! i kept on escaping from it nt bcuz im lazy, its bcuz, i cant face the fact! well well, im totally, really lost now. i have my directions, but i cant move forward.

well well. lost as usual, im unemployed for 2 full weeks now. my tiny bit of confidence which i build up. is nth more than a tiny flicker now.

arghh.. gonna get back on my feet. i must push on. THE HUNT CONTINUES. tomorrow.
I MUST NOT FALL!

mm met u today. lol. it was a un"expected" encounter. haha, why? thats bcoz i didn wanted to go there at all initially, some incidents happened & thus i decided to go. but, my weak & dumb mind secretly held on a small ray of hope that i will meet u. & wow. whenever i see u, i become weak & lousy @ expressing myself, my confidence level is at 0. i noe i did poorly everytime im wif u but. oh well im happy deep inside, plainly due to the fact that, i saw u.
i thot time heals all wounds, time will make mi forget.. obviously, i havent. i duno y im so weak.=.= so lame=.= so.. loser. but. well well.i noe my place.
probably jus due to the fact that i havent find any1 else who will make mi feel this way.
im a loser. i suck big time =.=

Shhh...

hmm.. do ppl still write blogs nowadays?
Oh well, i guess i will continue to update my life on this place=) for my personal reference haha.
___________________________________________________________________
In case someone else other than myself is reading my blog, this portion is for u=)
well im back to writing blog due to several reasons, namely
- im really bored
- happened to stop by my own blog recently, i read through my previous posts and i was like "Oh, so i was like that?!" haha.. brings back alot of my memories and my emotions then.
- felt that my english standard is starting to go dOWN doWN doWN! & my frens told me that writing blogs will probably improve my english. so..
Thats abt it!
____________________________________________________________________

ok ok ok lONG post again since i didn update for like err...1 year? oh slightly less than that. haha
where shall i start.. oh well i will jus continue from my previous entry..

May 2009
what was i doing then.? lOL i forgot=) basically from May09 till Oct09.. im still an instructor in the "Land where soldiers are born". so nth much to update abt.. haha was rather demanding and strict to those bunch people and wasnt very well-liked by every1.. but, im jus doing my job, and i really wanted to do it well.
plz do not misunderstand, im VERY well-liked by my fellow instructors, haha, really had loads of fun together with them. aww.
so u shld be able to guess who dislikes me? The top & bottom =) if u get wad i mean.

Blah forget it.. shall not go into details abt tt cuz its classified + its very long if u wan mi to elaborate further.

okok so from oct 09 onwards, i was gg on off & leave + MC(for wisdom tooth extraction).. heehee so for the whole of Oct, im basically slacking at home or out wif frens having fun WHILE still drawing my salary =) life was realli heavenly then.
wOoo 11 11 09 haha a day that i was SUPER looking forward to! haha its *** day. before that day we(my fellow instructors from my batch) were kinda like a semi celebrity among my junior instructors.. cuz the juniors will always "wah lau eh.. *** liao lah hor.. sian sia i 1 more year" den my reply will always be "aiya i still long la.. still long. dun say *** first"
UNtil that day itself.. i was sleeping in my office until i awakened by a few bunch of ppl marching and singing loudly=.= was rather pissed when i opened my eyes and look at my watch.. =.=5:50. in the morning. oh 5:50 was considered very early for me as i just came back from my off & leaves. so for the past month ive been waking up in the afternoon.. so.. for tt day itself when i woke up at 5:50am, i was rather not used to it.
but, 1 thing went to my mind tt time, "eh? isnt today my...my *** day?!" and i literally smiled to myself =) oh im smilling to my monitor as i was typing as well. haha so i got up, brushed my teeth, walked around, stoned, and packed my bag & braced myself to leave this place for good. alone in the office, i began to feel some emotions stirring inside me, this place that i hate so much, i actually developed a sense of belonging for it after 1 year in there. its actually a mix feeling joy & sadness for me. as in yea, for me. to me, it kinda feels the same as compared to my previous graduation ceremonies in schools. but b4 tt, i told myself tt i hate this god-forsaken place.. this place where my freedom is bound, this place where.. i had cursed so many times.. but at the point of time when i really have to leave, a weak voice in my heart is whispering to me, "im gona miss this place, this is the last time"...
no matter wad, i gotta go means, i gotta go. i picked up my bag and made my way out. i saw my fren & he said "wah *** liao hor u" , surprisingly, my reply was the same as before! "aiya i still long la.. still long la.." rite after i said tt phrase, i realized its.. now. now im gonna ***.. its no long still long anymore.. haha aw so tts abt it. i got back a card that SO many guys are talking abt. the pink thingy =)
on my way out, i didn realli feel much.. i wasnt as happy as i thought i would be. and i wasnt that emotional as tt morning. i didn feel anything. just "oh im going home".

aww aww aww what a long pOSt alrdy..=.= im just done wif my army life journey. but wow. its alrdy like.. errr 825words?! aww.. gotta sum up and just end this post first.

aww ive gotta say, ive changed. the way i view things changed drastically. aiyo, its hard to explain it here. nbdy will realli believe it anw. but seriously, ive changed. i noe it myself=) so yup the 1 yr 10mths not wasted.nt gonna elaborate here. zzZ will update again soon.. tt concludes my **my life story.. see ya.. for now.

break

ho. tts the end of the 2nd long holiday. =/ didn realli do anything meaningful but oh well. slack slack. will be looking forward to the nxt long break. lets go=)

homecoming

whoo its been a rush. 3 weeks of confinement straight. day 1, went for enlistment duty after tt went back office for briefing on the nxt enlistment duty=.=
the 2nd duty ended early & i went to bc hse to play PS3 lol. played all the way from 1+ to 9+ den went back camp. mmm very unhealthy. kk den its time for my men to get enlisted. 1st day, i already showed them that its not fun to be on this island. haha my face was permanently the angry face. even tho they asked alot of stupid things which made mi felt like luffing but i still pressed on. "FOCUS! LOOK FIERCE!" haha

den they told mi, my platoon will be transferred to another company=.= oh well wadeverrrrrrrr so ok, they are gone. im attached to another platoon. basically im jus a slacker now. nth much to do except for playing pSP & sleeping during office hours & when i feel like working, i jus go out & scold here there den go back slp. =D

nth much to say cuz its all classified. well booked out & went out to watch red cliff 2. the movie changed quite a bit of stuff here & there but oh well. nt tt great but nt too bad bah.. nth much to comment on the movie jus tt its very long & my whole body cant take it
LOL. bleh will update soon !

all gd things come to an end.

lollollol today is the last last day of my leave & off period.. hmm had loads of bored times but had my fair share of good times too. yea yea a new start, a new rush, grr mus drag my unmotivated body to do wad i haf to do!
hm hope EVERYONE can start working hard for this yr too!

uh uh life is fun!
new yr resolution : , be stronger than ever~!

gah gah will update abt my new dudes when i finish the confinement=.= cyaa


ALL THE WHINING IS OVER! NOW IM BACK STRONG AGAIN! MUAHAA GOGOGO~!!

LONG LONG LONG POST.

=.=if every change in this world is reversible. isnt it wonderful? there wun be pain of losing things, but in exchange, ppl will no longer cherish wad they haf.
lol some simple incident made me thought abt this kinda shit.. my mum did some stupid adjustments to my shirt which i kinda cherished when i didn ask her to. pissed mi off to the max=.= irreversible change=.= i noe its initiative, wnana help mi, or wadever.. but i cant help it. REALLY DAMN PISSED, now.=.=

bleh wadever. hmm think its time to do some recap for this stupid 2008.=.=

JANUARY 2008
lets see.. haha was happy to spend my new yr wif my frens drinking at clark quay. HAD REAL FUN! haha mhao mhan angsiang seaN. =) tts b4 my life changed zzzZ
120108 tt fateful day, i dragged myself to this stupid pasir ris bus interchange & was brought to this hellish place.=.= full of uneasiness & i jus followed the flow.. haiz not forgetting the sadness when i see my mum leave me. tt pain.. is real. yea yea so i went on to a new phase of my life & got all my hair shaven. the feeling of being hairless is, realli realli unforgettable.. i nv wanted to shave my hair ever again. tts the day when i stopped looking at mirrors. not forgetting how hard i tried to adapt to my new life w/o any frens for the first 5 days or so.. feels realli damn damnn out of place.. haiz.. hate adapting to new environment.=.=(thx to my stupid PS) assbitch

FEBUARY 2008
haha! this is the part of my life when i had high hopes abt my future & i finally saw wat i wanted. my dream was to at least be at the top few in my platoon, tts when i tried working hard & set my goals high.! tO OCS! haha yea i finally got used to army life. also, not forgetting.. the chinese new yr i spend wif zang, soon, jiahao,linkang, chengjie, daniao, junhui drinking at the stupid "Candy bar" or wadever u call it. haha tts the 1st time i puke until i cant recognize home. LOl
not forgetting how i returned back to sch to collect my results in my sweaty uniform & field pack & duffel bag.. haha yea i saw u then.. but i do not haf the courage to approach u. hm.. cuz i stink then? lol no la. jus cant forget smth. =/

MARCH 2008
kinda gif up hope in everything in life. zZz posted to SISPEC wif a bunch of ppl who jus slacked thru & seeing all those bootlickers fly high to OCS. not forgetting my shitty results & every shit tt brought my fighting spirit to the lowest point. ZZ haha 120308, POP LO! haha. cant forget how it feels like.. reali realli, i felt damn good. it rained heavily tt day. was dripping wet but i was realli very very ecstatic. duno y.. haha will remb all my sergeants regardless u hate mi or like mi or wadever. sgt khairul, sgt alvin, sgt shaoming , sergeant fazley!

APRIL 2008
days in Basic Section Leader Course wasnt ez.. esp wif my low morale when i stepped into sispec. well im in the same platoon as wenzong & ziqi. buT as usual, cant realli clique wif my room mates for the 1st few weeks. tts when i omos went crazy lol.. it realli sux to haf no frens=/ oh well cant forget the 2days1night field camp which felt so much so much worse than my previous 6days5nites field camp
tts when i realli thoght im gg die. lOL leopard crawling across a football field size field took a hell load of shit outta me. doing "fire & movement" for 5 or 6 times aint funny either. Zzz feels kinda lethagic & definitely low when im dripping of mud water frm my uniform.

MAY 2008
after much much torture from 2sg JJS, i somehow felt tt im realli much stronger than b4. at the very least i survived. =) tt guy lol.. attks both mental & physically, but luckily somehow. realli.. somehow i survived phew. uh the 28KM route march is realli omG. walking during midnite realli took the toll of me.. i actually almost walked into a tree & i cant stay with the platoon cuz my focus went away.. =/

JUNE 2008
i wear the CORPORAL rank wif pride as i think i realli worked to the bones for tt rank unlike some other ppl who jus cut corners here & there. mm i was posted back to the same company, staying in the place wher im used to, thus, adapting to the environment wasnt realli the problem. well , the first day of Advanced Section Leader Course was quite bad for mi as i was super tired running up & down helping to settle the admin stuff for my sergeants.
lol i tripped over 1 of the bags & i fell flat on my face. zZ too tired liao lah. when i booked out, was in a hurry, den tooked wrong guy's bag & kena scolded by him.=.= lol wad a day, i dun haf time to argue wif him cuz zhaoperng's dad waited for mi for 1hr ALRDY! wth=.=

JULY 2008
haha its the month of ur bday! lol i PURPOSELY didn wish u but oh well. i dun wan leh. i dun wan to be an idiot like b4. always doing this kind of shit tt makes u feel greater than mi. loL-.- uh uh i forgot u ok.
hmm ASLC is quite tough as we gotta learn more stuff than b4. TSR=.= omg keep failing. wun forget how i get confined here & there for stupid stuff SOC=.= IPPT =.=
haha i tried to stay low profile cuz i dun realli wan to haf any responsibilities. it sucks commanding ur frens. u wun noe wad tone to use. but somehow, my PC noticed mi. & kept calling mi. duno for wad=.= favourite phrase then, "! sir, but.. but.. i nv say anything.."
zzz mayb being exceptionally quiet caught his attention, zZZzz oh well
GRANDSLAM 2:
omg for starters, its a field camp=) haha wet wet, den dig dig dig frm morning till nxt morning.. nonstop=.= ive nv felt worse b4.. wads worse lol. b4 we move to our last place, we were wearing the wet uniform & staring into the dark grey clouds above us. our sgt told us to change into a new set of uniform. =.= i told him tt if we change now, we will get drenched & we wun haf anymore dry uniform to wear! z but he insisted tt we shld change..=.= WAD TO DO?! we changed.. when i was wearing my trousers, the rain came. i totally sian 1/2. ZZZ there goes our only dry uniform
kk den the nxt phase was to march past NTU to a campsite.. weehee in the middle of the nite when my morale was damn low, a group of girls sitting at a busstop outside NTU shouted "hey~ isnt tt the army guys?! defend our nation! press on!!~" OMG jus tt realli brightened up morale. LOl. i gathered my last energy & reached our campsite despite the pain on my feet.
uh tts when i reali learnt 1 thing.."pain can be endured. as long as ur leg is not broken, u can still move it despite how much pain u are experiencing"
=)

do not forget 32KM omg.. its ALSO ANOTHER GRUESOME EXPERIENCE.

JULY 25.. the day i went for starlight.. feels kinda sad to leave my family & suffer in a foreign land. wads worse, tts nth waiting for me back @ home.. no rewards even if i endured through it..

AUGUST 2008
STARLIGHT - omg realli cant get use to the weather there.=.= bunks are realli diff frm us.. haiz tts when i start to appreciate wad we haf. was appointed as the Leader for the platoon for the 1st few days=.= was shocked & i dont realli noe wad to do. zZzz. haf my own way of doing things. haha which not every1 can appreciate. wel wadever, somehow, i managed to get thru..its hard tho. =/
haha reali i swear.. the WARRIOR. is realli omg. rain.. den BIG BIG SUN.. omg but its fun tho. LOL.. the 1st nite out in the forest.. REALLI omg. wet wet wet. somemore at nite, on top of a mountain..1 thing to say.. COLD. FREEZING.omg tts 1 of the 1st times im shivering until i cant slp at nite.. my frens ard me are shivering too. ZZZ realli leh i realli thought im gg die frm hyperthermia... loL quite an experience bah.. cant realli let every1 understand but. realli the word "WARRIOr" suits the experience.

HAHA Rest & R***** SHIOK~ went to take roller coaster for the 1st time & iwas realli sCARED. lol.~! the feeling of losing control of ur own body & falling down is real scary~! haha.
bought quite a few shirt there & went clubbing twice at nite. lOL got caught but =D fun experience la! damn fun!

yea.. when i reach back singapore, i feel.. a lack of belongingness.. everyday in starlight, i wish tt i can go home soon, but.. when im finally back, i did realli feel anything, izzit bcoz no one missed me? izzit becoz no 1 picked mi up at the airport? no1 noes i went overseaS? haiz, i think its all of the above.
Got my Sergeant rank & my sergeant told mi b4 i passout, " i think u are one of the better trainees i haf. Ppl will like u wherever u are. continue this way & i think u will do well in future" haha im realli happy.. i think its the 1st time ppl said tt to mi.. for the first time, i felt useful.. slightly..thank u. sgt thomas.
thank u.. all my room mates! lin shen, kritboon, luosheng, kevin, mengxiang, yijia, khairil, brandon & even tianyu LOL. u guys realli rockX.. relac corner. HAHA cant forget la! zz

SEPTEMBER 2008
uh was posted to Bmt to be an instructor there. um was like a dream come true for mi! hahA september 4th.. LOL any1 noe wad tt date means to me? zzz was in camp on tt day.=.= hugging my fone.. counting how many actually remb. hmm quite very disappointing! uh 050908, mhao organize 1 bbq. haha i went & met most of my frens there.uh but more like. they oni remb his bday.. kinda jealous but oh wadever, i didn realli organize any bbq. gotta thank him realli. mayb he remb. he is a nice fren bah i think he is the onli 1 who remembered.
so sry mhao.. if u see this.. i didn get u a present..im reali sry.. in camp! =.=
yea yea sian sian sad sad. NO PRESENTS THIS YR OK? zz wadever man. no frens wad.

kk went back & took my 1st batch of recruits. kinda like interact wif them cuz i think they are kind of cute & funny ppl =)

OCTOBER 2008
ah this month.. im bz bz educating this bunch of ppl. haiz.. kinda tough job for mi cuz im new & they dun realli care abt wad i say=.= bleh assholes.

NOVEMBER 2008
their field camp. haha they are kind of weak in the mind.. contrary to my expectations.. lOl i wun 4get.. loads of them complain & even cried due to some hard ship=.= zZz we didn realli punish them alot leh... but zzz guess their mind are not correctly tuned=/ haha i got used to the clean clean uniform & felt INCREDIBLY uncomfortable by the slightest bit of sweat & mud. lOL compared to previously i simply lie down on the ground & sleep wif many days of no bathe. LOL.

DECEMBER 2008
tt bunch of assholes finally POP lo! haha quite a pity tho.. wanted to take a few fotos wif them to keep since they are my 1st batch.=/ but didn get a chance to. hmm wad a waste.. well december is a festive month.. went out alot of times & spend aLOT OF $$.

on some random day, saw my previous instructors in SISPEC. when i was doing some "sai gang"
he jus gave a comment, "chaoyi! why u doing this? i tot u quite up 1?" zz i duno if he is sarcastic or wad but tt comment realli made mi think. "yes..y? y am i doing this? my performance was rated good when i was in training sch. y.. y am i now in such a situation where i wasnt put to good use?" mayb the later part i may be rather arrogant. but oh well. im me, its my oppinion.
really leh. i dun feel tt im any inferior to those who are appointed wif higher & more impt duties. so.. why? why is the same thing happening again? no matter how much hard work i put it, nobdy notices? no results are seen.. y do i work hard for? =.= demoralized..
i started to develope this mentality "since ndby will notice my hard work anw, y not jus slack off. makes no diff anyway?"
z but on the other side of mi, i wanted to show tt im useful, im realli good, they shld regret not promoting mi. zZz wadever man. i guess i will jus act according to instincts lo. realli leh. main thing is i didn get promotion is simply due to the fact that, i came into the wrong place @ the wrong time.. they jus do not need another guy to take tt place at the moment. =.= wth why.. why am i the onli unlucky one. why am i owaes so unlucky. why mi? =.= why did i owaes did not achieve wad i wan?z ah forget it.

24th Dec. did smth crazy. cuz on 23rd DEc, i was on Duty... & i kept slping.. i duno y, i dreamt of u. lol like wth? after so long? haha same here. i had the same thinking. i tot i forgot all abt u ZZZ at the moment of impulse, right after i reach home, i went to look for ur address. zz the method, nobdy wanna noe. lol its REAL crazy.. i cant even comprehend wad im doing too
yea yea went out to buy some present for u. cant think of wad to write on the card cuz. there is reaLLY REALLY too many things to write for u. too many things i wanted to say but u didn gif mi the chance to say. well i think i sorta can guess how u feel. i feel inferior of myself too.
i cant think of a better way to gif u the present.. cuz i think, no i noe u dun wanna see mi.. haha so i did wad i did!
yea yea u msged mi & i realli cant understand wad u truly meant. im angry, ur first reaction wasnt a thank u. & u didn even thank me at all.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wadever la. at least i made an appearance. take it as i threw $ into the drain ? i dun care. at all..
NOW.im angry again! of my mum.. ZZZ my SHIRT!!!!!!!!! $$$$ no more $$$$ to buy new shirt la!! wah lau!!!!

YEA YEA now im back at home recovering frm all the $ i wasted this month.

lol

=/ nth much to do at home. haha quite tired frm ytd=/ oh well slept the whole day & realized.."oh jus another day." zz oh well cya haf fun~

did some silly things which i duno why i wanna do oso. lol but oh well=.= the thought is not realli reciprocated but.. kind of expected it. LOL wth. izzit tt scary?

OH well~ like i gif a damn.=D

REWINDD... REWINDDD...

ohoh. ytd went out wif the old old kranji clique. haha. quite long since i last see them but oh well they are doing fine & i am doing fine too=/ had quite some fun eating & toking cock & drinking some coffee @ TCC. haha they are too engrossed in toking cock until the staff start to look here look there zzz. oh well. take note, i used the word "THEY". haha cuz i didn haf much to say since my life is realli like revolving ard SAF SAF =.= & now im SAD.=.= felt so outcasted from this society. sian. oh well somehow managed to stay alive.
after tt went to drinkkkkkkkkkkk abit abit & my frens drank quite abit. haha. well 1 thing, im getting lousier & lousier at drinking..-.- oh well less tolerance to alcohol=.= weak ass me.

uh so talked quite abit of cock here there & find out some HOLY OMG secrets abt my frens. lol ok they are good ! kk den kinded ended the day quite lamely. went back to eat some supper & went back home.

take care bro, some things u dun haf to say it out for mi to understand ur situation, i may seem tt i duno anything but actually i do. haha, stay strong~

kkk tts all for u ppl. thx for reading.. byE~

TITLE.

rather free recently after 3 months of hectic rushing here & there. im still the same me. didn change. thinking back.. 1 yr ago, this time.. hmm shld be working lol & bz thinking of ppl at the same time trying very hard to get ppl to go out wif me. lOL!

this yr this time. i got tired of beggin ppl to go out & im sleeping all day long lol. so didn improve, deproved. well met a hell lot more ppl as compared to previously, but oh well, generally im still in a fairly screwed up situation.

haha year is ending soon, am afraid of wads coming up nxt.. the feeling of anxiety & unsettledness is in me now. duno y, bcoz nxt yr, this date, i gotta start deciding for wad i wan to do abt myself again. No one is going to choose wad i gotta do for me anymore. zzzZz i think i can be addressed as an "adult" soon enuf.. zz now i realli wish to stop growing man. lol. quite a childish thought but. YES. TTS ENUF. I DUN HAF TO GROW ANYMORE!

well well random tots cuz im jus too bored at home blah blah. gotta update a SUMMARY haha for this yr in a few weeks time ! =x cya

LOL

woo. back frm the "land wher soldiers are made" umm umm. had quite a slack week cuz im a slacker as always. confined 2 assholes who are sleeping when every1 fall in. feeling quite guilty thus i cut it to 10am release. zz guess im nt tt strong after all.
quite screwed up week cuz i KENA alot of stupid arrows. DEMONSTRATION for BASIC ASSAULT COURSE=.= had to act like some crazed beast placed on the battle field & could control his "aRGHh argh arhh!" warcries=.= well i certainly look like a fool=.= THEN,SOMEBODY ASKED MI IF IM A CHRISTIAN. neh neh. i said no. & poOP 1 times Christmas COS duty land on my shoulders =)

also, sent out 1 cockster who fell down the stairs while walking slowly. uh sad for him.. fracture =/ duno y, i volunteered to send another guy from the other company to the hospital & had to act like his maid or wadever shit-.- its this guy wif some 6days constipation due to field camp & his stomach is hurting like hell. funny shit.. he is drenched in mud & camo cream, looked totally devastated. zzZ uh den i had to undo his pants for the nurse to put some water into his asshole.=.= ewWW! ok tts it

quite a boring life im leading cuz its revolving around army army & army=.= ughh i wanna get outta this shit sooN!

brain

mm now im wearing my PJC PE attire. thinking back, exactly 1 year ago, i was a proud student of this wonderful college called Pioneer Junior College. mm i think i shld be preparing for my A levels' i still remb, this time of the yr, im hugging on to my lousy K750i & waiting for it to vibrate.=)

once it starts vibrating, i wld smile widely to myself, & a whole lot of happiness would gush into my body.. but if it didn vibrate for 1 to2 hours, i would lose my fighting spirit & feel verrrrrry verry loW.
i wonder if i have grown up since then. =/

this morning i woke up in the same boring look & saw a broken msg frm an unknown no. in my fone "[..]ery long time but what your do i appricate it. wish u well on everything your do. take care misses."
i duno y, suddenly, my wild imagination set in, cuz the front part wasnt readable, i started to imagine the wonderful & most happy msg tt i wanna see. prolly like "[hey.. how are u doing? we havent met up for a v]ery long time.... & i wished tt the msg is frm you. haha silly me. wishful thinking=.= replied to that GUY & realized tt he was my recruit who was posted out =.= zzZzz boring.

but duno y. this small incident brought back loads of memories to mi. i started to reflect alot.. how i miss my school.. how much time has flown by. how dumb i was or rather how dumb i am. since im still dumb=.=

mm some update, jus finished field camp. quite tiring for mi too. learnt quite alot of stuff even tho im still COCKING UP alot of stuff=.=made hell lotsa mistakes & hope i learnt from it. uh. still surviving.. 4 more weeks to go for this bunch of ppl.

even tho time always seems to be crawling day by day. but suddenly, i got this feeling.. "omg? im a 10 month soldier already?!" now its NOV already! the 1st day i went into army was like um. the day b4 ytd to me. =/ kk mmmain thing. you got outta my life for 11month already. i can still remb clearly how coldly u did it. yes. its a good thing. i thank u for tt realli. at least that murdered my wild guesses. haha i planned for everything anyway. i know ur answer b4 i asked =) too bad, 70% of my brain still wanna bluff myself tho. anw. wads past is past. duno how i suddenly felt so much for u today but ok randomly i shall make NOV 7, a day to remb u. tml, i wun remb u anymoRe.! byeee

7 MORE WEEKS!

yay. am counting down the POP for my recruits.! am writing less & less here cuz every serviceman is issued wif **************. well tts all i can say abt it, its CLASSIED information. thus i am less motivated to write here! haha.

been quite a tiring week & i realised tt i am training my own body tgt wif these new soldiers to be. mm quite a troublesome bunch of ppl but i think i am getting a hang of it. i will control them MY WAY. those who go against me SHALL BE DESTROYED & those who are wif me shall trife!
MUHAHAHAA

am quite tired & bored of this lifestyle cuz there is realli nth much to look forward to. mm hope i can find smth fun to do every week end if not, by NOv nxt yr, i cant imagine wad i will become. =/
gah plz find mi to haf fun~

phew

hmm a short break for mi & im gg book in for guard soon. zz well its tough to control ur emotions while at the same time making ppl feel the need to move fast. haha im still learning but oh well. guess i gotta get a hang of it soon.

ahh got into some trouble here & there & i keep making mistakes.. STUPID MISTAKES which prolly make mi look stupid in front of ppl. well, i havent got any punishments yet, but i tink they will seriously come soon enuf, i swear.

gah putting tt aside, haven been gg out to see the world for quite some time.. seriously feel bored but still dun haf the mood to step outta my home. ZZz so i haf been doing some random stuffs. & went back to look at my previous fotos.. =x had fun last time seriously.. now im missing them.. al the ppl i've met. all the ppl i haven see for soOOO bloody long ! grrr
lol seriouusly.. look at the date

sentosaaaaaaaa

haha. nice picture. a simple picture tt makes the mood better. hmm finding things to make u smile is very easy,so, smile while u can! =)
=.= i guess smbdy hacked into my acc & wrote tt lame ass emo entry lol, COMON LIFE IS GOOD! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! happy happy happy!!!
went to sentosa with my section mates today lol. its quite funny to see 7 semi botak guys gg to the beach tgt & play frisbee & struggling with the volleyball. lol quite a gd meet-up after a few weeks & i see tt every1 is still doing well & im HAPPY for them. well 1 of my sectionmate jus broke up wif his gf & he is still able to smile. perhaps tt smile is forced, tts wad guys like to do, to act strong & "dun care". lol when he told us abt it, he was still semi luffing, which make it sound like a joke. i commented on tt & he replied "haha, den wad? u wan me to emo meh"

lol omg either he is very emotionally strong or he is a very good actor. well he left alone quite early & tt suggests smth.. bleh oh well. back to the topic, i had quite abit of fun here & there bah, sentosa is quite a weird place & makes u jus wanna take ur clothes off =/ den, when u take ur clothes off, u will tend to look at ur own body & compare wif the OUTSTANDING BODIES
ard u, den u will start to feel... INFERIOR! LOL. sian sia!
went to 7-eleven to buy drinks & saw my long lost fren, Mr Zm. haha he looked @ my body & his 1st sentence was "eh? how come ur body liddat, i tot u go sispec got train?" zzz wad a way to say tt my body is not beautiful.=.= lol oh well tts the sian part.

KKKKK shall nt describe the whole experience today, i noe im not realli making sense & im like jumping frm topic to topics but OH welll. try ur best to comprehend wad im typing =) cuz my fingers move faster than my BRIAN =D :random note,damn long nv see brian le sia!

joke! y sia! zzZ

woo

yay! im at home at a thursday night!

muahaha! my life now is quite ok.. somehow managed to get along wif the ppl of the same badge in my company. my..company..my.. zzz=.= haiz got quite a shitty company & the intakes are like zzZ. i was a man wif great dreams... but somehow, fate didn allow mi to.
my great dream is to create new leaders, leaders who really deserve to be leaders. not those cock suckers who somehow got gd results & ppl think tt they are smart wif good "leadership qualities". but in fact, i think they are jus bullshit=.=
looking at ppl ard mi, call mi arrogant or wadever nonsense, some of them seriously jus make mi feel inferior. they are categorized in the same category as me, which means tt the whole grp of us are the same level, same qualities, etc etc. omg sia, i think its jus too ez for ppl like them (& me) to get this rank=.= duh wadever
certainly in any community, there will be ppl who think tt they are good( eg, me) & ppl whom u jus cannot get along wif. zzZzz oh weLL.

putting tt aside, im posted to some loser company, i shall not name it, who only take in losers or rather, ppl who gave up on themselves. =.= blehh i thought they finally answered my call & wanted to gimme a chance to change something but. oh well. some assholes shld jus *!@$#%^&

kk happy stuff, mm went for on job training on tues, haha saw alot of them being very happy when they graduated. tt brings back memories.. haa to think now im the 1 standing at the grandstand making sure no parents do stupid things. i cant forget tt im the 1 in the parade square nt too long ago.. hmm. well time sorta flies but, certainly not fast enuf.. hate my current life & PLEASE, HELP ME! GIMME A CHANGE! haha hmm its very tired to be an usherer, but i think its very fufilling! =)

nxt topic i am still quite sad abt loADS of stuff, in fact prolly angry.. but i duno if i can change it.zzz oH WELL. life's jus quite SUCKY

ops wad am i saying =.= haiz.. oh well CELEBRATE WHATS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD & NOT WHATS WRONG~

- i managed to book out today & on sat & sun =)
- i dun really haf to chiong sua! =)
- i haf my own free time slacking at night =)
I HAVE A VERY HAPPY LIFE! =D

-bleh tried to play a game but i lost so quickly lol. bleh too bad~ i sucked at this kind of games, while i tot i cld go further=.= zzzz game over =D

JUST another day

thank you very much for those who wished me happy birthday! i LOVE YOU LOADS!

oh. its a sat & im quite tired cuz jus got home not long ago frm mhao hse. haha met most of my frens there & haD quite alot of fun. wanted to go home & stay hoME for long but somehow i over slept .. haha anw this week end is short. mm seems like every1 is getting on well & they are growing & improving & wadever u call it lol while im still the same=.=

hmm lets be optimistic yeah? lol lets see.. my birthday was spent in camp quietly sleeping in bunk & playing my psp. lol=.= but oh well at least i got 1 present compared to my bunkmate who didn get it. haha. mm kena-ed guard duty on sunday & gotta reach the FAR FAR east bitch place by 6pm =.= BUT! im LUCKY. cuz there are 50- 50 chance tt i will get weekend guard duty & i GOT IT! but those who kena saturday guard duty is lagi sad haha. so.. im lUCKy!

oh well. at least i haf my psp to acc mi thru the nite so i wun feel tt bored & lonely. dereforee, im glad enuf tt i haf psp wif mi.

LIFE is FAIR.my ass =.=
i tot seeing a shooting star & making a wish will make the wish come true & the person luckier.. apparently not=.=

p.s. sry alex if u misunderstood.. i dun literally mean shit.. i jus 4got the name so i jus used "shit" to replace the word. sry sry. oh well ppl lets all go to the settlers cafe @ SMU!

class out.

oh ho.. today went class outing.. ok.. guys outing again. lol was expecting the class girls to go but somehow i think they are of higher level & dont reali feel like mingering wif us so oh well.
ok went to alex's shop. omg sia nian qing you wei. haha he did smth which minority of the ppl of our age will do. haha so played some shit at his shop or erm place his business, aiya duno how to call it la. hha

well class peeps are fun, at leassst had a lil break frm my current bunch of super uber close frens. lol not like i dun like my uber close frens but oh well, abit of change is definitely good.
haha so showed some support & had quite abit of fun.

bleh wanted to go out haf fun but =/ short of $$ & not realli enuf manpower so we called it off. zz quite dumb but mayb the feeling is there. so went home after abit of mac & took the stupid $3.50 NR3=.= duno FOR WAD!

mmm ok tts abt it for today well smth joke happened & i realli feel quite proud abt it lOl. shall keep it to myself=.= even tho its nth great. haa.

=.= 5days to <>

home.

well many things happened. if u're free. lets read some loNG story.

STARLIGHT
mm its a real bad while on the other hand good experience. haha there is nth much i can say cuz i dun wana get charged or wadever shit. well few things to sae, its hot, den its wet, den its freezing and tiring. last but not least muddy/dirty. haha but that certainly made mi a stronger man. haha

R&R
haha this portion i guess i can say more abt it. jus theme parks theme parks and theme parks! zZz its my 1st time taking a roller coaster & i finally experience y so many ppl are afraid of taking it. =.= b4 everything, i see ppl chickening out at the last minute.. in my mind, i was like "zz loser coward".. den nxt moment, i sat on the stupid thingy.. THEN, i simply lost control of my own body..=.= im like tossed ard like some dog & the experience aint good at all..LOL its REALLY SCARY. OMG my face is like cramped up & i hugged the handle or wadever shit tt secures ur body to the thingy super tightly.

there is this bitchy thingy which reaches the peak and practically place u perpendicularly to the ground & jus hang ther for 7 seconds.. so u can haf a nice countdown b4 u actually FALL.=.= tt bitch is like sUPER TALL & IS REALLI PERPENDICULAR TO THE GROUND.. OMG SHIT MAN! well tts a pretty good/bad experience tt realli scare the living shit out of mi.

well after tt all the nights were all shopping sprees.
mm i practically bUY any shirt which seems slightly appealing to mi. i barely try out the size & i jus bought w/o much hesitation. haha
oH well bought quite a no. of shirts & went ard sight seeing. WOOOwad a SIGHT. if u noe wad i mean.. the sceneries are REAL BETTER

uh the last day was quite saddening cuz i realli cant bear to leave this beautiful place. right b4 i leave i had my final taiwan meal which is some weird pasta, a treat frm my PC. heh heh. shiok~
oh well b4 i noe it.......... im flying.. bla bla bla.. den im back to singapore.

HomE
didn realli feel enthusiastic when i touch down.. its like.. far frm my imagination.. previously i was so so so eager to go home, but once we reach back, i dun feel much. mayb its bcuz i remb tt i still haf loads of trouble waiting for me at home=.= oh well saw my fren's mum being so touchy wif him & i was thinking if my mum will do the same thing to mi. LOL. isee tt he is really missed.

bleh so waited till 530am b4 i take a cab home. when i reach home, my mum was like "oh u come bac alrdy ah." =.= den she gave me some breakfast & went back to slp=.= OOHHHH wELLL... so i went to the comp & start updating myself wif some stuff.. tts when my dad came out frm his room. he walked past me & didn utter a word..=.= OMG!? lol luckily the 2nd time he walk past me he said "eh?! ur back alrdy ah?! how? izzit fun?" duh standard question. OH WELL. i bet nbdy realli care so i jus stay low profile =/

Passing Out Parade
hoo. gd news is tt im gg pass out frm this shit 6 days after i touch down on singapore. was tortured for 3 full days in parade & on the 4th day. every1 was feeling so HIGH. lOL say bye to grass & mud for alot of us =) if u get wad i mean. lol.

b4 the parade, i specially made a call home to make sure my mum doesnt come to this lame parade. haha dun wanna trouble her to make this lame trip jus to watch this lame parade. mm oh well the parade was long & tiring. & until this part wherby the parents will come down & help their sons put on the chevrons(3sergeant rank) things start to get cranky.=.=
every1's parents was there & suddenly i feel so outcasted lOL. so i did some gd deeds & helped them take fotos. tt explains y i dun haf much fotos on this POP. zz oh well. am quite glad tt i finally survived all the shit. am not proud of it tho, cuz many weak asses also managed to pass it=.= wadever man.

heheeee im posted to be an instructor =D. if u got any younger bro gg army soon, pray hard for him =x
taata. its quite long liao. time to chill off=/

hoo. the lone warrior finally got his chance to take a long long break.