i want to.

i want to sleep.
i want to drink.
i want to party.
i want to hold you in my arms.
i want to be happy.
i want to live meaningfully.

but i. didn wanna jus end my day like this meaninglessly.
but i. needa wake up early tml morning for work.
but i. didn haf enuf partying frens to go with me and just let it loose.
but i. didn haf the courage nor the abilities to.
but i. am not doing anything to change it.
but i. am unwilling to step out of my comfort zone tt could change my life.

i.tried to love myself but i cant erase the fact tt i hate myself. its. all abt me. im selfish, cuz there aint no one who wld take care of me if i didn.

random notes.

im fine. living day by day meaninglessly. dafuq am i doing. dafuq am i doing to myself. i dont noe. that unpredictable future, i dont like it. i dont suppose ive written it here right, i dont like things tt doesnt behave/happen within my predictions, expectations. it sux.well that said, wad happens outside ur predictions could bring u unexpected surprise that would u noe, bring unexpectedly intriging results.

but bleh i dont like it. i want things to happen, i dont wanna hope for things to happen. if im making any sense. yea tt feeling, when tml aint worth looking forward to, and that paradox of u being sick of ur current lifestyle but sick of making changes to ur current steady state. what now. stop and stare?

what..am i. what.. do i want. like seriously. cy... i guess im using these time to mayb take a slow pace and start thinking abt myself. me and yea me. at the moment.

sober.

its a quarter after one, im a little...... meh fk it, okay, to be exact its 3:05am to be exact. im a little drunk., meh i aint. if only it took more to get me drunk.

well i ran outta ice first b4 i ran outta mixer or alcohol. =D.
well a random update for my life, hmm now its 3:51am. i.. held off the update till now so tt i wld b less sober to update.

well to be exact, i guess tt ppl wld be more, erm truthful when they are more drunk and less sober.? heh. here i am now. i kinda drank more than i shld and im.. a lil bit.. meh. felt like throwing up. i gues tts where my limit was. as weak as usual. as fked up as usual.
i.. felt bad for myself. i.. cant love wad i loved. i cant do wad i wanted to do. in fact i aint even sure wad i wanted to do.
went back to work at tt same old place wif hope tt i wld be able to create a better workplace for them, since loads of shit went awfully wrong. how to say. in the first place, im not one who wld follow rules to the letter. in fact i love challengin the rules or wadever standard way of doing stuff. however this time, when i went back dere, its kinda sad tt nobdy follows them anymore, well its kinda bad cuz they didn even ensure the quality of the stuff there. as i always said, if u can deliever quality, i dont care wad method u use. im jus interested in the end result.

bleh those ppl. sighh. are jus cutting corners whenever wadever. so sadly, i had to emphasize on like rules? which i hated it to begin wif but them ppl, haf to be get their basics right and someone has to make sure they get it right. yawns. and its got to be me somehow.

i cldve, jus let things roll on its own. i guess nth huge will happen but, i dont like it, if no one bothers, everything crumbles.slowly, bit by bit, why wld i bother, hmmm. mayb cuz i dont like seeing ppl slacking off too much? or mayb jus coz i wanted to keep tt place running properly cuz ure there.

bleh i cant stay for long, and the moment i step outta there, everythings gonna return to tt screwed up situation which i dont like but...argh oh wells ill see how it goes.


kkk nxt issue! hvent met up wif my frens for a long while, theyve been meeting up tho.. like for lame ass lunch at some kopitiam=.= wtf. and playing table tennis? and basketball.. hahah all those shits tt i dont do.. i wanna party all night! and sleep all day but .. my frens arent tt type.. =( i guess i..... shld b alone after all. heh. tts it for now. i guess,

Tomorrowland

Ain't it strange when u dont even understand urself.?
Cause I, really don't understand myself as well, mayb someone else might noe me better than I noe myself, mayb smone could make me uds myself better mayb mayb. Prolly not, heh. Due to the fact tt I prefer hiding my true.? Or perhaps other self.? For I don't even noe which one am I. The angel who's actually evil.? Or the devil who's actually kind. Which am I, I.... Ain't sure.

All these are too difficult to conclude. So I shall jus leave it hanging for now.


Am moody for some reason, i.. can prolly feel my tear glands actually trying hard to produce some tears, but nth is coming out. hmm but i guess my inner soul? Inner self.? My invisible tears, are most prolly coming down like rain. Perhaps, the reason was because my tomorrow wasn't worth waiting for. Perhaps tomorrow is gonna be boring, perhaps tomorrow, I'm gonna feel hurt, I'm gonna feel tired,neutral,angry, empty, lonely.

Them paradox. When I had company, I wished for alone times, when I'm busy, I wished for free time, when I'm free, i wished to haf smth meaningful to do. I guess tt humane. Which, I shld not feel. Whatever the case, I'm gonna live through tomorrow, tho I will most likely not be happy, I hope it will jus be a day in which I won't feel sorrowful.

I will keep my heart. So sry for even trying to give it to u lol. Wad a joke I am.

runaway diary

"Come to me, take my hand, come away with me."

okay let me go back to talk abt the korea trip. heh. well really thankful to my frens for putting in loads of effort and planning out the whole trip. well i guess if it wasnt for them, i wldnt even wanna go to those places. haha i guess its kinda interesting as, i feel tt if i follow them, i wld be able to see things that i havent alrdy seen.

well well. omitting all the details, we erm, walked alot, climbed alot, went to theme parks, took trains, slacked, chilled, laughed and made memories i guess. srsly enjoyed the company( more than the trip itself loL) its kinda saddening to noe tt, we, aint really got chance to do this again anytime soon, and nxt time, i wonder how the trip wldve been like.
and yea, as i predicted as well, i hated shoppin with other ppl. =_= too many voices and i wld end up buying nth.
kk. i missed home.i wanted to live my life again, in singapore, i wanted to come back and after enduring and enduring, i came back. finally. dragging my heavy ass lagguage, my tired body and my backpack. my mums the only one who saw me at the first moment. heh, everyone else is asleep/not at home.
felt, kinda angry well at the same time disappointed? the family, which i missed dearly, the family which i wanted to meet so eagerly, wasnt tt welcoming. its kinda within my expectations as if i was the one at home, i wldnt be too welcoming as well. if u get i wad i meant. so, uh i jus cleared my stuff and slept. life goes on.

slightly regretting going back to work at tt place but, i noe im gonna feel fked up as well if i didn do any stuff and simply rot at home.

meh meh. getting kinda sad now. i sorta graduated (tho not cfmed) and i needa search for a job. and get my driving license which ive been postponing it for. im..kinda lazy.. kinda enjoying? this aimless life.
i needa buck up soon. i will.. start. moving. yea.

"yeah uh uh. in the end you turned away and kept me away, i threw away my pride and i followed you like a crazy person. my heart urged me on and told me not to lose you. i pretended to be fine, i pretended to smile. but this is the last song im singing for u."

uh. good rap grabbed frm a song. lol. guess it if u can

Myself

Nth beats some time alone chilling, not having to entertain anyone else while listening to ur own favorite music. No need to go out of my way to accommodate other people, hah. That wld be nice once in a while. Haa. Well humans are... erm wad do u call tt, group animals.? Heh. Wadever u call tt, I wld need some1 by my side frm time to time as well. Lalala.

K shall get back to the main topic. Hmm so I went for a trip after my exams. My..exams, was kinda horribly done. All the "what if"s all the "I could have"s. doesn't really matter anymore now. So lets jus hope I could get the bare minimum and get out of school as pre planned.

I went to the airport, like on the same day of the flight so my mind wasn't really too ready for a getaway. My body jus followed the flow from day1 till hhaa. Mayb now.? Jus b4 Im going back. Not a fan of rushing here and dere jus to look at all those tourist attractions so I wasn't quite happy during first few days.
Well things got kinda fun when we actually slowed down the pace and we got to crap more and enjoy each others' company more.

Argh. I ran out of inspiration suddenly. So I shall continue when I actually get back home. :|
Oh wells so main point is. IM GOING HOME SOON.! The, end of the worry-less week

can i ....?

felt like bloggin and not getting into last min cramping mode yet. so ytd's paper was kinda, better than i expected. didn expect myself to be able to sit for the whole 3hrs tho.

even as i promised myself tt, i will remove all those emotions, i... still lol.. yea but oh wells. poor response and cold rejection i guess.? la. wads new. hahah wasnt expectin much anw.

so here i am, lazing as per normal. constantly with the thought of... if only i had a little more time. but hey, a few days ago i was like "gahh ill do it tml" sighh. tt paradox.. arhh.

so it seems.. as smth drags on for a tat too long, at some point of time, one wld simply wish for the end to come, in contrast to the original mindset of achieving the best results. for this exam and i guess for every other matter as well. so. i.. just wan all these to enddd as welll =|

aint looking forward to the trip. am looking forward to sleep.. sighh k lets go.....

The Longest days.

ive been really. screwed up. sleeping lazing, slacking.
accidentally, i..am thinking of u. i guess its just a temporal phenomenal. im gonna be okay.
mayb i lied when i said i could erase u totally but..... yea its gonna be gone, one day. after all, im jus being retarded as usual

anyways.. must perservere and must study much later!. grr fight on !


andd... now... im mi551n9 you like crazy. =_= i guess its prolly due to erm. the lack of sleep or the boredom, or the lack of fighting spirit. bleh. but my ego and my sanity is keeping all of my useless feelings in check. saw smth intreresting tho, something which had been shared by millions of ppl alrdy but oh well. here goes:

"The Reality of fear

you are not afraid to love
you are jus afraid of not being loved back

you are not afraid to let go.
you are jus afraid to accept the reality that she is gone

you are not afraid to try again
you are jus afraid of getting hurt for the same reason"

well i guess tts kinda like erm true and quite layman but yea im accepting that. feels tt it applies. ill jus add another point to it?

'you are not afraid of trying harder
you are jus afriad to accept the reality that u cant get it no matter what you do.'

arghh.. still.. fighting... still...resisting. =.= i shall get to sleep.

Why you hatin.

day... wadever i lost count. real real real slack =.= but argh lets hope i can do more later.

as the end comes closer, the urge to work hard dies off. drastically. i think i shld be able to.. argh LETS move forward..!

ah wells i realized tt im able to remove my feelings i supposed. not sure of why but i guess it's prolly because I could sense tt there aren't any feelings coming frm u. Hmm guess it cuts both ways. and if u want a game, i will bring it to you.

feelings.

heh so im left with 2 papers. the main ones. and im at day 2, did nth constructive till date.screw tt and my mind was set into a whirlpool a moment ago, in fact hmm on and off since ytd? lol i hate myself. my brain my heart my feelings, its mine, and mine alone. i didn mean to give it to anyone yet, and not to u. uhhh.. with this, i hope it will serve as a reminder, a reminder that my feelings, my humane side caused me to do so badly last year AND this year. PLEASE WAKE UP.. NO i meant, please..cy... pls.. remove all those unnecessary emotions and stay focused, the end is near, and the fruiit is in sight.

wake up. i need you. the evil, heartless me.

time to fight.

uhhhhhhh my catherine is BACK! wooO sweet mother ;)
yea was referring to my computer hahah. always wanted to update but i guess a blog entry w/o emotions wld be kinda lame. SO its been delayed for quite a while.

and i duno why, everytime im sitting in front of the computer, my emotions, my feelings, dissipated almost immediately.

wad to say. i guess i was rather slightly emotional when it was really time for me to haf my "last day" at the cafe wher i had been working at. after all, tt makeshift family which i created at a whim, was kinda interesting to haf. reluctantly i had to leave becuz my studies are really deeply affected. not to mention tt the place had to rely on 2 incompetent fools. well one lacks common sense and is kinda slow when it comes to things but, oh well at least she's hardworking, so pretty much wont complain much. the other=.= yawns. brief description, weak. in every meaning of tt word =)

well well. its kinda sad tt i accidentally left my feelings dere. uh ill be back tho, so no sorrow. all the fun i had, all the things i learnt abt stuff and abt myself. tho it aint realli useful but, ill still keep everything in mind.!


argh so a few days back, i kinda haf this.. random thought? not realli random but jus felt like plucking off the thorn in my chest. so i tot i wanted to ask u "how are u". well well as usual, ure great at pissing me off =D till the point wherby, i realli exploded. haha not like i scolded sm1 or wad. its jus tt my feelings tt ive kept for so long. my thoughts my reasons my..everything for u flew out. Everything.

i..duno if my feelings actually reached u.. but at least, at the very least ive finally threw it out and not jus, keep it inside me. felt kinda mayb good? but still even i can tell every1 tt i dont gif any single fk no more, i lied. if u asked, i wldve ran back to u like a dog.
u wld think tt i went crazy or im jus drunk, but i aint. i...jus became truthful, rather than trying to hide behind tt retarded face and hide away in silence. bleh bleh. now tt its done. i hope my emotions, will not come out again. let them all die off tgt wif my feelings for u. i wish tt i can be heartless..again=.=... till the nxt person who comes along and make my heart beat again. i wish! sincerely hope so.

so there goes this heartless man back to his life. his reality. MY WORLD.

Dreams

I woke up from my sleep. To realise I'm still in my dreams. Soon, this dream will end and ill open my eyes to a helluva fight. A tough fight. the results of the fight.? Things looked bleak but I will not give up. I nv do.

Tears.

Uh. Smth happened at work today, just somebody feeling awful for Duno wad and jus some asshole customer being an asshole. As usual, didn react at the first moment. Sighh. I wonder y I love watching stuff frm the side so much. Okay okay. Ill change ok.
Saw her teary eyes which kinda hurt me a little. Of cuz I pretended not to see it and jus acted as per normal. Heh. Of cuz I noe tt no one wld wanna show their weakness to other people and sometimes, ppl jus need a lil time to calm down and wipe away their tears.

Tears tears. Probably the 3rd time which I felt affected by that liquid. The sorrow tt I cldnt help, the lack of courage to hold u, um not u but the other u in my arms. That pain, u probably didn felt it but, let me tell u, I'm hurt when I see ur tears.

As a retard, of cuz all the feelings of regret, all the memories which I tried to forget. All the. Stuff came back. This song which represented u replaying in my ears at full blast. In ur remembrance. The tears u shed those days, the pain I experienced, the tears which I tried forcing out but didn. all of it. all of my memOries which i tried to forget by drowning myself with work came back today due to smebody else.

Ahh. My tears, those invisible tears which always flows. Those tears which no one else sees, the true face behind my mask of a clown, the true me, if only anyone bothered finding out. The real me behind those retarded jokes. Will anyone ever see tt.?:/

Anw, Please recover frm tt. U will b able to find someone better and u will definitely be able to lead a very happy life.:) and to u, who caused me so much grieve, I wish, unwillingly, wish tt u are happy now as well.

Jus let me bear all the sadness and Wadever nonsense, ill be able to get through it. Ill live on. I promise.

C to the Y

Heh. C to the Y.basically just my initials, a term to symbolize strength and ultima partying spirit. I Duno how it came about but tts the way it is now.

Having a bad time recently as I'm getting tired and sleepy easily, can't concentrate on my studies for nuts. Uhh. Having strange feelings at home when studying till late( the supernatural type) screw tt shit. I'm the owner of this place, if ure there somewher, get lost. I wanna study here. So here I am, laying on my bed not sleeping cuz I don't wanna give up yet, but... Body's not moving. Heh.

Oh well having some strange dreams here and there while having my afternoon nap today. Abt things tt didn really mattered, Abt ppl who weren't particularly impt. Strangely enuf, I couldn't differentiate between wad really happened and wad happened in my dreams. I was confused enuf to go check thru my stuff so as to reconfirm wads reality and wads not.

Haha so tt explains my fb status "reality and dream intertwined"

Lastly, jus a whisper to a couple of ppl.
Do you, happen to think of me every once in a while? Like how I wld happily share things tt happened between us wif other ppl. Wld u, when ure all alone, remb some of my foolish acts and laugh to yourself.? Pls do, if not, I wld feel so...... Unimportant. Unlike the you in my mind.

And hi. I hope u weren't while at the same time u were referring to me. LOL. Hm I look forward to seeing how this episode turns out and yea, see u soon.:)

Err I guess tts all I wanted to say for now, so lets get up and urgh. Urgh urgh.........

..to be continued....

Happiness. And other shit

I'm tired. All that bullshit abt strength and stuff is just a facade for other ppl, so tt no one else will look at me wif pitiful eyes, no one will tell me to stop Wadever I'm doing. Why isn't there anyone who wld come to me and tell me the thing tt I really wanted to hear. Heh. Oh wells I guess I shldn expect too much frm other ppl. After all, they ain't me, and they're all blinded by my strong outer look.

I've always wanted to be, a symbol of strength, a pillar wher everyone else can lean on when they're tired, and continue moving forward after resting. I don't noe if I fufilled the role but, I really wanted tt.

Uhh heard one of my fren in the clique is gonna get attached soon. I'm really happy for him, tho on the outside I kept sayin bad stuff and all, I'm. Really. Happy for u chan:) please be happy.! Of cuz I'm jealous u assbitch.:))

 I'm gonna work hard for the nxt few days as well..! Pls tap on my shoulders or hold my hands and tell me, uve done well, pls continue working hard if not work harder for that ultimate goal. Lets go

confessions.

been a while, been living in a fantasy world whereby i kept working and working and working and working and not realli studying. gah. screwed up but im gonna jus go to the main topic.

i dont suppose i can say it to anyone, and im dying to say it somewher, so, lets jus do it here =)

to (1)

for a moment, i totally forgot about all the pain uve caused me in the past, naively i thought things could be like before. i wonder if its luck or misfortune. the sight of seeing u.....getting on another guy's car and going on a date with him. that feeling, i remembered so vividly when i saw a guy wif u at the polyclinic. tt pain. tt suffocation, i will never forget.
u didn noe the truth. in fact, no one knows the truth. except for me. the feeling of having a glimmer of hope and tt glimmer that got destroyed by the darkness called reality. welll in everyone else's eyes and ur eyes, u just thought tt im lazy and shit. but you're the reason to all these. you're the cause. of everything.
the drinks, the coffee making, the skipping of lessons.

Drinking to forget you, making coffee cause its your favourite drink, skipping of lessons just so tt i wont need to see you. cuz seeing you, makes me do stupid things.

to (2)
i liked you. you brought some sort of solace to the dark moment in my life. i...had fun.. i smiled and i forgot abt the shit tt happened to me. i was never sure of my feelings, i always thought tt the mytery abt ur background is rather, unappealing. well, only until recently i realized, feelings, doesnt require any reasonings.
we werent meant for each other but, i still want to thank you, mayb its bcuz of u, i was able to get out of tt dark shroud tt almost consumed me. thank you very much. i sincerely hope tt u will be able to achieve happiness in these few years and no assholes will hurt u. please. protect urself well.

to (3)
U're special. i see it in u. many guys will start queuing up to win ur heart and i sincerely hope tt wont change wad u are right now, cuz ure rated A++ now =) u make me regret growing up. its sad tt we're from different eras, if i were ur age, i wldve fallen for u too. but i guess, if i was ur age, i wld jus seem like a pitiful worm crawling ard and probably not even comparable to those charming ppl around you. still, plz, stay just the way u are, and plz, judge a guy properly b4 falling for him. it wld really hurt me if some young dogs hurt u, most probably i wont be able to see it tho but, take care plz.

tts almost done. the truths behind all truths, recorded down.its....finally.......done.

the leaving

finally a post about my wonderful friends.

ytd was  the day whereby 2 of my very close frens going hk for exchange. of cuz, i didn wanted to send them off at first cuz i felt tt im jus gonna be left at the side and rot while they entertain the others(ie, family, gf and stuff) .

But it was till a final supper outing whereby im reminded of all the fun and laughter we always haf during every outing which i always took for granted for. the bunch of uninteresting, boring bunch of ppl always doing the same old things but still, full of jokes and happiness everytime we do boring things. well i guess tts wad happens when we haf a bunch of frens who grew old tgt, hang out tgt. i changed my mind. i remb hw close we are and hw much they wld love to see us there.

at the airport, yea i was partially right, of cuz they were sticking to their gfs and family and almost ignored our existence only until like the last 10 min or so, uh i could understand that, after all, this bunch of frens are like hmm family? whereby the members will still wait patiently for u wif a smile even when u are busy outside with other stuff. and welcome you back happily even tho u are only able to stay for 5 mins. duno if i make any sense but yea, tryta get the meaning.

 another thing tt jolted my emotions was tt i heard my fren's parents were able to recognize us or mayb not me but some other frens, BY NAME and frm when. identifying the primary sch frens...and even those who werent ard. OMG. i wonder if my mum cld do the same thing.

uh and this remark which was made by my fren's mum affected me the most , "i watched them grow up as well" (meaning us, those who were there) tho expressionless, but i was moved greatly. even if we were alrdy adults and are doing slogging our guts out in different aspects in life, its really a great deal tt we were still able to be tgt. to all the extra personnel who were there ytd as well, plz noe ur place. its not the really the years tt counts. its the unique experiences tt we had tgt tt was able to bond us tgt so strongly. so even if u were in the same class, u wont understand u bitch =) _|_

cheers to 11 years and counting,

Nothing.

i guess this will be the only few times whereby im not gonna rant and whine abt life and shit.

im fine. not doing well but, clinging on. works been a bitch, studying's been horrible, youve been a bitch too and tts why im able to cut u off frm my life. yea just stay away.

hmm just thinking abt random stuff lately, uhh you noe, studies, worklife, REST and social life. trying to cope wif all of them is really hard. been trying my best to rid of gg out so tt i cld rest and study harder but apparently it aint helping much. yea i'll try my best to cope i hope

these sentences haf been clinging on the my mind recently. quoted frm "naruto"

goes smth like "this world is full of things that dont go as you wish. the longer you live, the more you realize that reality is just made of pain, suffering and emptiness, wherever there is light there are also shadows. as long as the concept of "winners" exists, there will also be "losers". while hatred is born to protect love."

well its kinda sad tt im actually agreeing to smth written in mangas tt were meant for kids. oh well right now, im full of hatred.and yea, it came frm the desire to love, a casual relationship tt cannot be removed. jus quoting yea. and i hope tt my vulgarities tt seems to be coming out will be contained!!

hur hur quite a boring post eh? at least its not a post full of rants so be happy for me thx =)

gonna be long. been a while after all

hi im back. as usual, mainly just whines.

hmm wher shld i start, prolly ill just continue frm where i left off frm the previous post. yes. i stayed at my job. kinda weak and loserish but i swallowed my pride and took the job back. after all, pride is really nth much compared to cold hard cash. so wad if i lose my pride, if i dont haf money, i haf nth.

yup so after i decided to cont working, ive got excess cash to spare, plus my allowance frm my lovely mum. cant put it in words but im really grateful. uhh ya abt the excess cash, they went off to alcohol for my body. indulging myself in it just to forget abt my woes.
yes, tt kind of sick life, vomiting anywher after drinking too much, hooking up wif random ppl etc etc.

meeting new ppl, having more ppl to chat wif on the phone, appearing to haf more ppl caring bout me. all just a futile struggle of the fool. a simple story to describe these whole series of events:

A fool fell down hard and is covered in cuts and bruises. tried to pick himself up after much struggle, walked forward frm the place he fell at, it felt as tho the wounds haf slowly recovered over time, he smiled amd started running then, at the same spot, he fell again, after moving one whole round to end up at the same spot where he fell at. finally he realized tt he'd been moving in circles and the wounds tt he tot were gone are actually still dere, and this time, he's actually hurt even more badly than before.

LOL and yea, at the end of the day, its like a dream. waking up to realise tt im actually still alone on my own bed.

hahah and yup! here i am! troubled again, to stay or to leave. as usual, w/o anyone to pour my hearts out to, w/o anyone who seems to be able to give me any wise advice. still on my own.
to add on to the problems, while i was almost abt to do more idiotic(actually idiotic is is rather mild, i think i need a stronger word for stupid to describe me) stuff, i wonder wad kind of mystical force actually showed me the truth which i always tried not to remember today. Yes. thanks for tt sincerely, before i fall into tt shithole and get hurt again.

i hate you. because i @#$%ed you too much. way too much.

sighh things i always think abt these few days
why must i laugh even when im so badly hurt inside.
why must i make the extra effort to keep other ppl laughing even when im actually crying inside.
why do i haf to keep helping other ppl and keep moving around even when im alrdy exhausted
why do i keep wanting to be wif my frens when they needed some1 when i myself needed some1 to confide to badly.

why do i haf to face the world with a smile everyday even when i haf so much hate in me.

would there be anyone who would be bothered to rip off this mask of a clown and help me wipe my tears? hurr nah its ok. i'll be fine after whining out here. all these problems troubling me now, i'll jus solve em one by one.

ill be fine. ill be fine. im strong anw, in every meaning of tt word.

till we meet again.

Today.!

Annyeong haseyo! Kyo wa Ore no otanjobi desu ne.!!

Haha had been doing a lot of soul searching these few days. Cuz I was really cOnsidering whether I wanna stay for he job or not. Wif no one to confide in wif no one to Advice me, I'm literally on my own. The present I wanted to give myself this year was supposed to be "freedom".
But apparantly, I chose to stay(for awhile) I was nv really able to make a choice. I really wanted to spend more time to study and relax myself and stuff. But my financial accounts were telling me not to. While I'm always very depressed when I haf to go to work since I've lost my "prince" position.:( haha used to call myself prince since my colleagues will really suffer if I chose not to work and since I'm like one of the most experience workers ard, i felt tt I was really indispensable.

Well, things changed, owner changed many things changed. My presnce felt small and insignificant. All them managers wif a few yrs of experience came pressing me due to the fact tt my boss decided to hand over ownership. U noe wad it feels like.? I'm like a loyal warrior serving the same country but to a different ruler. Haha I noe it's kinda funny but ya, warriors from the previous dynasty shld take their retreat eh.? Am I wrong.?

Well things holding me back are generally money. While things pulling me away.? So damn many reasons. Well well after announcing tt I wanna leave suddenly, I spoke to one of e managers and damned, my heart swayed. I chose to stay throughout the week and I foresee tt I'm quite interested to staying longer. Zzzzzzz=.=. Well we'll see how this scenerio turns out.!