Altered memories.

had a great night ytd. i think? generally rather happy to be able to meet up wif my frens again doing tt same old thing. brings back memories. hahaha laughed alot, nt sure if its a sincere laugh or just laughin for the sake of laughing. but oh well.

a lil overdosed on alcohol which made me kinda, lost some memories. these happens so darned often which i hate. memories are impt, and i feel rly unhappy when i lost em. met sm1 real cute and funny ytd, chat abit but i guess the alcohol made me rly funny as in the weird type of funny, not the good humorous way whatnot. but neh, interesting convo we had.

went to work wif a hangover. god, tt felt horrible. felt like vomiting but i dont think its gonna help much, endured thru wif almost less than half of my full physical potential. haha layman terms? im feel fked up and cant move properly. i survived, reached hm wif tt black face and i srsly wan to slp but i needa wait for dinner first, had a rather nice dinner and went hm to slp after tt. den. YES. cant slp now. 1:03am.=.= and i needa wake up early tml. zzz

: soOoo. story abt altered memories :

jus random thoughts hahaha. there.. wld be times wherby you wont haf a certain memory of smthing tt happned to u and some1, who supposingly was in the same place, witnessing the incident reminds u, tells u abt wad happend. den some bits and pieces of memories sorta came back to ur brain and u accepts it as a reality tt really happened. but, hw true can tt be? mayb the "memories"were jus purely imaginary images pictured by ur brain after recieving information from the other person which were mistook by urself as "truth tt happend." and u will thusforth accept tt that incident, rly did happend in ttt manner as described by the other person.
ya bushwa~ haha new word i jus learnt. meaning rubbishy nonsense loL!. but well worth a thought.

well ya my bro told me tt he doesnt remb me as a kid. like he's got memories of me as a baby, den the nxt thing he remb, im alr a teen. hahaha sadly i..dont haf much memories of myself as a kid as well. LOL. and yea i retained more info of myself when i was a teen. meh so i guess blogging helps, it helps to remind me of wad im like, when i was younger.

yea anw so i was sayingggg, mayb...just mayb, mayb i was never a kid, tt time frame didn occur, since nobdy has memories of it, my life got fast forwarded and i bcame a teenager.while nobdy realized. heh. tt explains. :) nah im not crazy. jus random strange thoughts. baba.

and yea i wld love to alter my memories.... removing all those tt makes me unhappy.

...dirty little secret.

Lets get used to it alright.?

"Let me know that I've done wrong

When I've known this all along

I go around a time or two

  Just to waste my time with you

..

..

I'll keep you my dirty little secret 

Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret

My dirty little secret

..

The way she feels inside

Those thoughts I can't deny

These sleeping thoughts won't lie

And now I try to lie

It's eating me apart

Trace this life back"

well jus some lyrics tt can kind describe wad i wanna say. lets be positive alright? i..didn lose anything. i came wif a broken heart and im leaving wif a broken heart as well. hmm i didn gain anything and i didn lose anything. i jus remained at the equilibrium point? hahaha well it was...kind time... not well spent but.. its smth tt i can remb for quite a long while. bleh. tt a dead heart can actually be resusitated by meeting the right person. tho at the wrong time, frm a diff era. im me. in my world. and ure u, in ur world. jus so happened tt our world.. coincided for some unknown reason. but yea... i.. will be fine after.. a little while.

been doing nth recently... a life which i yearned for, which every1 yearned for. but... it aint gd.. tt escape frm reality to pursue..what? yea for wad reason am i here for. ah..an ending. ure slowly but surely, leaving tt world. and i dont belong to tt world too. a hawk tt doesnt fly doesnt live long, my wings are ready nw, jus... soon. very..soon.

so was kinda sick ytd. caught a cold and died.? lol slept for quite a while and i woke up and rushed to driving lessons. tts kinda.. joke cuz. i guess tts smth i rly sucked at. LOL. nonetheless...its smth i realli realli need. =_= fk.... grrr and yea i will look forward to tml's drinking session. i hope i wld b able to retain my.. consciousness and my memories. lets.. go shall we?

i. will. forget. all. this..soon. i hope.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.

yes. i am very happy.

i...go crazy bcuz of u.

hi hello. im back. pretty quick return this time around. right... im. :)
ive been drinking quite a lil cuz its my off tml.!! heh i wonder how I'm gonna spend it but the fact tt I'm  burping for some reason is kinda annoying, the shits tts going in my brain is...why are you being like this. hahah i guess.. probably... as usual... theres alr some1 whos taking tt v impt place in ur heart. mayb okay. to explain tt coldness... tt...=_= so mayb I shldn cont to be hanging near u

well i...swear i cant sense any reaction frm ur side.. much as.. i needed some1 to be here wif me tonight.. to stop me frm drinking, to help me release some of my... unspoken words. theres no one ard.

haha i think.. i... rly haf to... start a new chapter soon. the chapter here... is most likely gonna end wif some lame ending but... well i guesss tts me. if it gets boring, if it gets a lil too tiring, imma getting rid of it.

i.. liked u.. do u? k. mayb not but oh wells. tts.. kinda fine. i guess.... i shall do fine on..my own.. fk tt burping.
imma leave it hanging for now.

bai.

tomorrow's burden.

This marks the 7th time im trying to post smth.

been trying to do tt but i didn cause erms.? i didn manage to grasp the perfect writing mood? i was too tired? and many many other reasons i guess.

went thru a series of bad days since last week and i..sincerely hope tt its gonna be better now.
the last attempt to post was titled wif a teardrop. i... am guessing tts hmm decribing how ive been living like. i was never happy. even when i laughed, even when i smiled even when im having tt expressionless face, even when im acting like an idiot. i wld always feel smth sourish? i dont noe if tts a gd description but yea.. smth feels uncomfortable when im back at home alone, i wld still feel...hmm strange. i guess. no matter how much fun i had, no matter how much i laughed. im stil alone.

ive tried to cry but no tears came out, multiple times, even when im gulping alcohol and blasting tt bloody song into my ears, i felt tt a tear drop was forming. but well, it nv fell.=_= i guess tts mayb good. shows tt i aint tt weak perhaps?

i wanted to b able to live normally w/o being even slightly bothered abt wad ure doing. for i noe tt this is a hopeless 1 sided thingy. but...like a fool i wld still want to find out hw ur life is when ure out of my sight. this cant go on. its..only gonna hurt me more. tt, impossible infatuation gotta stop somewher somehow, somewhat.
anw, ive met you today. like finally, after torturing me for abt a week or so. with ur bloody slow replies claiming tt u were bz. for gods sake, im nt stupid, and its nt difficult to find out. anw, i guess after seeing u, all those unhappiness went away. we..were somewhat able to talk like b4, eat tgt like b4, chill tgt like b4. i...kinda missed you alot. i finally realized. as usual, whenever ure telling me abt some misfortunes tt happened to u, i always listened wif cringed eyebrows, unable to laugh it off like a joke. (and i think tts the same for the other u too, i..cant luff it off like u tried to) k anw yea..it...made me wanted more..i want to b in ur life more.. tho i used the past 9mths? to distance myself frm u... i..wld still come running to u if u called for me. like today.

bahhbahh but oh wels.i...shall keep tt teardrop in my eyes for now. i really realized now.. i..dont love u.like i did. ytd.
=) oh yea and im not really glad tt ure going into tt sector. are u kinda dumb? the world aint as black and white as u presumed u fool. i..really hope tt u will do well and are rly able to stick to ur principles and ur morals all the way. i..rly hope tt somehow somewher, sometime in the future, we'll b able to...get closer again. and if tt time comes. i will not let u go. :'|

okay. i..jus finished an episode of runningman. but theres this weird sensation tt struck me. "ahh i..gotta worry abt tml.." however, to my knowledge, theres nth impt tml.. but yea i shld be looking for jobs and stuff. refusing to grow... refusing to accept tt reality.. aint gonna help me for long. i.. need to fly soon. tts tomorrow's burden. today's worry.

my tomorrow is.. realy unforeseeable and i dont like it.. i hope tt u will somehow contact me when..i miss u the most. erm no not u.. but you yes =) like u always, no sometimes did. hahaha.
i
miss
you.

i will miss you. hope to see u again soon. meh i think ure jus gonna say u aint got the time to spare. asshole.

Hatred.

Hatred is born from the inability to love and to feel loved. I wonder how much of tt is true.
Am not in the best of mood recently as, I... Don't see much point to everything tt i am doing now.
Wad for.? Why.? It's not worth it. Ure ridiculous. Yea all these voices in my head. Are making me irritated. Making me angsty, making me feel like jus screamin vulgarities to the world.

U.. Didn rly helped. U.. Ain't useful. And u.. Srsly jus made it worse. Im tired of giving w/o expecting anything in return. It kinda sux. Big time. But I guess it's me, when it comes to stuffs like this, I became stupid. I become someone who I can't even recognize. Wad. Is wrong with me.

wake up

recently, ive been trying to recall things. den i remb the reasons for the things tt happened. apparently jus in a short span of these 24hrs, ive..kinda received interesting feeedbacks abt myself.? lol wth.

1st theres this singh who came in to my workplace and asked if i want my future to be predicted. he said smth like "bla bla bla... but u think too much". heh, im guessing, thinking too much is a negative thing, so tt bla bla bla shld revolve ard "u haf a gd life, u are good, bla!" heeeehe, so yea tts the thingy
i.. think too much? mayb..mayb? probably. k i will take note of tt

uh den my fren said i was like nervous nervous, and i will try my best to act normal which makes it very awkward? hmm i guess tt could be true but.... thing is, which is me. which is the real me.. act normal? the quiet and observant me? or the retarded me. i duno. nobdy noes. not even u bitch. so ya okay. i will take note of tt as well.?

so i had a dream. it kinda revolves ard the ppl ard me recently. erm ya u. and u. haha as i recalled. the whole dream was kinda boring. as per my reality, however it feels..exceptionally boring cuz when in my dreams, im watching it frm a 2nd or 3rd person's perspective? yea so its exceptionaly wtf.
meh yea its a reflection of my boring life nowadays and yea, some1 told me tt its time to change. i.. always noe tt but..shld i? change, might not be better. might..bring me down instead of up. if i had to risk getting down and hurting myself, of cuz i wld rather stay in this eqm state now.
meh. jumbled up brain .

Heart.

1moredaytoadayttidontreallygiveshitabt! but no, im still gonna after all. haha. out of em. politeness i guess. if only i, haf a bad memory, i wldve been able to remove wadever grief i had and live totally happily. but its tt pain tt helps ppl grow, its tt pain, tt made me...different? heh

oh i am back to me. tt me i guess i wld flip sides each time i gave my heart away, haah so ya its tt turn. im now back to the dark side. (jus kidding.im still a little too nice to the point where i hate myself)

yup so lets cut the chase. apparently, it was for creating a better world for u. but its starting to feel kinda meaningless, and i guess a step too much. too much trouble, too much to pay for on my side, and i dont think ure gaining as much. meh doesnt make sense? its okay cuz it makes perfect sense to me so yea. and i miss that you, wher u will tell me all sorts of stuff abt u, tt happened to u, tt doesnt concern me a slightest bit but somehw, im actually listening and tryin to picture it. hahaa =_= wad happened. i wonder.

i wonder hw much longer i can hold on to this hopeless dream, a dream tt wldn come true, i wonder wads wrong with my judgemental and analytical skills. it..kinda doesnt function really well in this aspect. soooo, we shall see, till the point where my heart, tt was accidentally given to u to stop beating for ur sake. in fact to stop beating totally. ya i guess tts when we say goodbye.

it kinda.sux to walk ard w/o my heart with me.(doesnt matter if u dont understand the metaphor.) SOoooo, till the nxt update. most probably tml yay/

oh a last sidenote.i cut myself today. fk life yea_|_

Last year.

It's kinda bad when I'm enjoying some good music and some alone time, only to hear my mum calling and start yapping over the phone. Totally spoils tt poetic mood.? Hahaha but oh wells. Imma not gonna b too bothered abt it.

hmm so it's July alrdy. Cuz school term starts sep and ends with June so it kinda knocks off my sense of time. In contrast to um, the normal previous kiddish school term tt starts wif jan and ends with dec. hahaha so... How long has it been since then, a year.? Or 2. I can't really tell but I guess the minute details could well be overlooked.
July. A month which I kinda hate. Well cuz it's ur bday month. Errr or rather u and u. Lol screw this shits. Jus thinking back makes me kinda angry, abt how weak I was. Lets see, I guess Im really way stronger than I was since u. back den I was jus a stupid kid who doesn't noe shit I guess ure really happy now which... Is not tt gd for me:| but oh wells tts life, life's unfair so I'm jus gonna suck it up and die at some corner.
Oh okay. Ur turn. K I guess it's a year ago, tt struggle, tt last fight, the ups and downs. I....wonder how u are now but, not tt it's got anything tts gotta do wif me anymore so, imma jus fk it. I've moved on, grown up further, is wad I wld like to say but I ain't too sure abt tt anw. Hahaha. Moved on. I think so.? After not seeing u fr months, I didn feel anything special no more, I think tts wad they call, woot? Uh yea getting used to smth. Yea gd luck to u.
Yup yup abt the growing up part, I.....am rly nt too sure. I was certain tt Ive learnt alot but, I guess I can't change who I am deep inside. I'm tt piece of shit, which will most likely remain as shit no matter how u process it? Blah. Nt makin sense oh well.

july. happybirthday. its okay if u dont rmb. ill keep all those memories with me.thegdonesandthebadones.

i want to.

i want to sleep.
i want to drink.
i want to party.
i want to hold you in my arms.
i want to be happy.
i want to live meaningfully.

but i. didn wanna jus end my day like this meaninglessly.
but i. needa wake up early tml morning for work.
but i. didn haf enuf partying frens to go with me and just let it loose.
but i. didn haf the courage nor the abilities to.
but i. am not doing anything to change it.
but i. am unwilling to step out of my comfort zone tt could change my life.

i.tried to love myself but i cant erase the fact tt i hate myself. its. all abt me. im selfish, cuz there aint no one who wld take care of me if i didn.

random notes.

im fine. living day by day meaninglessly. dafuq am i doing. dafuq am i doing to myself. i dont noe. that unpredictable future, i dont like it. i dont suppose ive written it here right, i dont like things tt doesnt behave/happen within my predictions, expectations. it sux.well that said, wad happens outside ur predictions could bring u unexpected surprise that would u noe, bring unexpectedly intriging results.

but bleh i dont like it. i want things to happen, i dont wanna hope for things to happen. if im making any sense. yea tt feeling, when tml aint worth looking forward to, and that paradox of u being sick of ur current lifestyle but sick of making changes to ur current steady state. what now. stop and stare?

what..am i. what.. do i want. like seriously. cy... i guess im using these time to mayb take a slow pace and start thinking abt myself. me and yea me. at the moment.

sober.

its a quarter after one, im a little...... meh fk it, okay, to be exact its 3:05am to be exact. im a little drunk., meh i aint. if only it took more to get me drunk.

well i ran outta ice first b4 i ran outta mixer or alcohol. =D.
well a random update for my life, hmm now its 3:51am. i.. held off the update till now so tt i wld b less sober to update.

well to be exact, i guess tt ppl wld be more, erm truthful when they are more drunk and less sober.? heh. here i am now. i kinda drank more than i shld and im.. a lil bit.. meh. felt like throwing up. i gues tts where my limit was. as weak as usual. as fked up as usual.
i.. felt bad for myself. i.. cant love wad i loved. i cant do wad i wanted to do. in fact i aint even sure wad i wanted to do.
went back to work at tt same old place wif hope tt i wld be able to create a better workplace for them, since loads of shit went awfully wrong. how to say. in the first place, im not one who wld follow rules to the letter. in fact i love challengin the rules or wadever standard way of doing stuff. however this time, when i went back dere, its kinda sad tt nobdy follows them anymore, well its kinda bad cuz they didn even ensure the quality of the stuff there. as i always said, if u can deliever quality, i dont care wad method u use. im jus interested in the end result.

bleh those ppl. sighh. are jus cutting corners whenever wadever. so sadly, i had to emphasize on like rules? which i hated it to begin wif but them ppl, haf to be get their basics right and someone has to make sure they get it right. yawns. and its got to be me somehow.

i cldve, jus let things roll on its own. i guess nth huge will happen but, i dont like it, if no one bothers, everything crumbles.slowly, bit by bit, why wld i bother, hmmm. mayb cuz i dont like seeing ppl slacking off too much? or mayb jus coz i wanted to keep tt place running properly cuz ure there.

bleh i cant stay for long, and the moment i step outta there, everythings gonna return to tt screwed up situation which i dont like but...argh oh wells ill see how it goes.


kkk nxt issue! hvent met up wif my frens for a long while, theyve been meeting up tho.. like for lame ass lunch at some kopitiam=.= wtf. and playing table tennis? and basketball.. hahah all those shits tt i dont do.. i wanna party all night! and sleep all day but .. my frens arent tt type.. =( i guess i..... shld b alone after all. heh. tts it for now. i guess,

Tomorrowland

Ain't it strange when u dont even understand urself.?
Cause I, really don't understand myself as well, mayb someone else might noe me better than I noe myself, mayb smone could make me uds myself better mayb mayb. Prolly not, heh. Due to the fact tt I prefer hiding my true.? Or perhaps other self.? For I don't even noe which one am I. The angel who's actually evil.? Or the devil who's actually kind. Which am I, I.... Ain't sure.

All these are too difficult to conclude. So I shall jus leave it hanging for now.


Am moody for some reason, i.. can prolly feel my tear glands actually trying hard to produce some tears, but nth is coming out. hmm but i guess my inner soul? Inner self.? My invisible tears, are most prolly coming down like rain. Perhaps, the reason was because my tomorrow wasn't worth waiting for. Perhaps tomorrow is gonna be boring, perhaps tomorrow, I'm gonna feel hurt, I'm gonna feel tired,neutral,angry, empty, lonely.

Them paradox. When I had company, I wished for alone times, when I'm busy, I wished for free time, when I'm free, i wished to haf smth meaningful to do. I guess tt humane. Which, I shld not feel. Whatever the case, I'm gonna live through tomorrow, tho I will most likely not be happy, I hope it will jus be a day in which I won't feel sorrowful.

I will keep my heart. So sry for even trying to give it to u lol. Wad a joke I am.

runaway diary

"Come to me, take my hand, come away with me."

okay let me go back to talk abt the korea trip. heh. well really thankful to my frens for putting in loads of effort and planning out the whole trip. well i guess if it wasnt for them, i wldnt even wanna go to those places. haha i guess its kinda interesting as, i feel tt if i follow them, i wld be able to see things that i havent alrdy seen.

well well. omitting all the details, we erm, walked alot, climbed alot, went to theme parks, took trains, slacked, chilled, laughed and made memories i guess. srsly enjoyed the company( more than the trip itself loL) its kinda saddening to noe tt, we, aint really got chance to do this again anytime soon, and nxt time, i wonder how the trip wldve been like.
and yea, as i predicted as well, i hated shoppin with other ppl. =_= too many voices and i wld end up buying nth.
kk. i missed home.i wanted to live my life again, in singapore, i wanted to come back and after enduring and enduring, i came back. finally. dragging my heavy ass lagguage, my tired body and my backpack. my mums the only one who saw me at the first moment. heh, everyone else is asleep/not at home.
felt, kinda angry well at the same time disappointed? the family, which i missed dearly, the family which i wanted to meet so eagerly, wasnt tt welcoming. its kinda within my expectations as if i was the one at home, i wldnt be too welcoming as well. if u get i wad i meant. so, uh i jus cleared my stuff and slept. life goes on.

slightly regretting going back to work at tt place but, i noe im gonna feel fked up as well if i didn do any stuff and simply rot at home.

meh meh. getting kinda sad now. i sorta graduated (tho not cfmed) and i needa search for a job. and get my driving license which ive been postponing it for. im..kinda lazy.. kinda enjoying? this aimless life.
i needa buck up soon. i will.. start. moving. yea.

"yeah uh uh. in the end you turned away and kept me away, i threw away my pride and i followed you like a crazy person. my heart urged me on and told me not to lose you. i pretended to be fine, i pretended to smile. but this is the last song im singing for u."

uh. good rap grabbed frm a song. lol. guess it if u can

Myself

Nth beats some time alone chilling, not having to entertain anyone else while listening to ur own favorite music. No need to go out of my way to accommodate other people, hah. That wld be nice once in a while. Haa. Well humans are... erm wad do u call tt, group animals.? Heh. Wadever u call tt, I wld need some1 by my side frm time to time as well. Lalala.

K shall get back to the main topic. Hmm so I went for a trip after my exams. My..exams, was kinda horribly done. All the "what if"s all the "I could have"s. doesn't really matter anymore now. So lets jus hope I could get the bare minimum and get out of school as pre planned.

I went to the airport, like on the same day of the flight so my mind wasn't really too ready for a getaway. My body jus followed the flow from day1 till hhaa. Mayb now.? Jus b4 Im going back. Not a fan of rushing here and dere jus to look at all those tourist attractions so I wasn't quite happy during first few days.
Well things got kinda fun when we actually slowed down the pace and we got to crap more and enjoy each others' company more.

Argh. I ran out of inspiration suddenly. So I shall continue when I actually get back home. :|
Oh wells so main point is. IM GOING HOME SOON.! The, end of the worry-less week

can i ....?

felt like bloggin and not getting into last min cramping mode yet. so ytd's paper was kinda, better than i expected. didn expect myself to be able to sit for the whole 3hrs tho.

even as i promised myself tt, i will remove all those emotions, i... still lol.. yea but oh wells. poor response and cold rejection i guess.? la. wads new. hahah wasnt expectin much anw.

so here i am, lazing as per normal. constantly with the thought of... if only i had a little more time. but hey, a few days ago i was like "gahh ill do it tml" sighh. tt paradox.. arhh.

so it seems.. as smth drags on for a tat too long, at some point of time, one wld simply wish for the end to come, in contrast to the original mindset of achieving the best results. for this exam and i guess for every other matter as well. so. i.. just wan all these to enddd as welll =|

aint looking forward to the trip. am looking forward to sleep.. sighh k lets go.....

The Longest days.

ive been really. screwed up. sleeping lazing, slacking.
accidentally, i..am thinking of u. i guess its just a temporal phenomenal. im gonna be okay.
mayb i lied when i said i could erase u totally but..... yea its gonna be gone, one day. after all, im jus being retarded as usual

anyways.. must perservere and must study much later!. grr fight on !


andd... now... im mi551n9 you like crazy. =_= i guess its prolly due to erm. the lack of sleep or the boredom, or the lack of fighting spirit. bleh. but my ego and my sanity is keeping all of my useless feelings in check. saw smth intreresting tho, something which had been shared by millions of ppl alrdy but oh well. here goes:

"The Reality of fear

you are not afraid to love
you are jus afraid of not being loved back

you are not afraid to let go.
you are jus afraid to accept the reality that she is gone

you are not afraid to try again
you are jus afraid of getting hurt for the same reason"

well i guess tts kinda like erm true and quite layman but yea im accepting that. feels tt it applies. ill jus add another point to it?

'you are not afraid of trying harder
you are jus afriad to accept the reality that u cant get it no matter what you do.'

arghh.. still.. fighting... still...resisting. =.= i shall get to sleep.

Why you hatin.

day... wadever i lost count. real real real slack =.= but argh lets hope i can do more later.

as the end comes closer, the urge to work hard dies off. drastically. i think i shld be able to.. argh LETS move forward..!

ah wells i realized tt im able to remove my feelings i supposed. not sure of why but i guess it's prolly because I could sense tt there aren't any feelings coming frm u. Hmm guess it cuts both ways. and if u want a game, i will bring it to you.

feelings.

heh so im left with 2 papers. the main ones. and im at day 2, did nth constructive till date.screw tt and my mind was set into a whirlpool a moment ago, in fact hmm on and off since ytd? lol i hate myself. my brain my heart my feelings, its mine, and mine alone. i didn mean to give it to anyone yet, and not to u. uhhh.. with this, i hope it will serve as a reminder, a reminder that my feelings, my humane side caused me to do so badly last year AND this year. PLEASE WAKE UP.. NO i meant, please..cy... pls.. remove all those unnecessary emotions and stay focused, the end is near, and the fruiit is in sight.

wake up. i need you. the evil, heartless me.

time to fight.

uhhhhhhh my catherine is BACK! wooO sweet mother ;)
yea was referring to my computer hahah. always wanted to update but i guess a blog entry w/o emotions wld be kinda lame. SO its been delayed for quite a while.

and i duno why, everytime im sitting in front of the computer, my emotions, my feelings, dissipated almost immediately.

wad to say. i guess i was rather slightly emotional when it was really time for me to haf my "last day" at the cafe wher i had been working at. after all, tt makeshift family which i created at a whim, was kinda interesting to haf. reluctantly i had to leave becuz my studies are really deeply affected. not to mention tt the place had to rely on 2 incompetent fools. well one lacks common sense and is kinda slow when it comes to things but, oh well at least she's hardworking, so pretty much wont complain much. the other=.= yawns. brief description, weak. in every meaning of tt word =)

well well. its kinda sad tt i accidentally left my feelings dere. uh ill be back tho, so no sorrow. all the fun i had, all the things i learnt abt stuff and abt myself. tho it aint realli useful but, ill still keep everything in mind.!


argh so a few days back, i kinda haf this.. random thought? not realli random but jus felt like plucking off the thorn in my chest. so i tot i wanted to ask u "how are u". well well as usual, ure great at pissing me off =D till the point wherby, i realli exploded. haha not like i scolded sm1 or wad. its jus tt my feelings tt ive kept for so long. my thoughts my reasons my..everything for u flew out. Everything.

i..duno if my feelings actually reached u.. but at least, at the very least ive finally threw it out and not jus, keep it inside me. felt kinda mayb good? but still even i can tell every1 tt i dont gif any single fk no more, i lied. if u asked, i wldve ran back to u like a dog.
u wld think tt i went crazy or im jus drunk, but i aint. i...jus became truthful, rather than trying to hide behind tt retarded face and hide away in silence. bleh bleh. now tt its done. i hope my emotions, will not come out again. let them all die off tgt wif my feelings for u. i wish tt i can be heartless..again=.=... till the nxt person who comes along and make my heart beat again. i wish! sincerely hope so.

so there goes this heartless man back to his life. his reality. MY WORLD.

Dreams

I woke up from my sleep. To realise I'm still in my dreams. Soon, this dream will end and ill open my eyes to a helluva fight. A tough fight. the results of the fight.? Things looked bleak but I will not give up. I nv do.