birthdays.

jus came back after passing mhao's present to him. well working ppl are tired ppl. and i rly wanna go home to do my own stuff too so we didn waste alot of time talking abt those tt didn rly mattered.


well he's prolly the only fren ive gave presents to this year. ok fine. the only fren frm the clique ok. how shld i say it. i dont think im particularly close to him, or is he particularly close to me these years. or shld i say mayb we werent rly sOooo damn close who wld share like the darkest secrets and stuff. our frenship may haf gotten slightly pulled further these years since u noe, we're going thru diff things in sch and we dont meet up often, and everytime we meet, its always with a whole bunch of other ppl. heh.


so why so special. not to mention tt he's the first new fren i had in sec sch, which.. aint rly tt much, and our bday's are like 6 days apart. heh. which i tot might be why i felt the familiarity with him more, like u noe, the horoscope thingy lol. i feel tt our characters are pretty much similar, jus tt u noe, he's living a better and smoother life than me of cuz, but it feels tt, if things didn go wrong for me then, we wld most probably be going thru similar paths.


yes unfortunately, i dont noe why, it jus happens. one by one, things happened. pulled me from my original path, further frm my original planned path and further frm my other frens as well. tts plenty saddening. back to the present topic, yea our bdays are pretty close, so the memory of the disappointment wldve always be so vivid to the point where i wouldnt wan him to experience the same.
u noe, i rly love presents. and now... im receiving so damn little. arghs.


okay okay. next topic
there are many moments in ur life whereby ure required to make impt decisions, and tt decision wld rly affect ur next few years of life. ive... made so many wrong choices, or was it rly wrong? nobdy knows. nobody knew. and as quoted frm cy, "if u didn try u wont know if it will work. if it worked, u wldve been able to be able to brag abt it all day long. if it didn work, at least u tried, and u know tt it rly wont work" heh. so tts my answer to anybody who wanted to ask me if i haf any regrets. and yes, the final answer is : No.


yea jus cuz too many ppl haf been asking me if ive regreted my past choices, tts plenty...annoying.

Optimistic

Ytd was my bro's wedding n I had to get drunk again. Puking all over and making a mess everywhere. Well. I Duno y but I totally can't grasp my limit at all even after so many times. And it seems tt my limit is going lower and lower. So tts sad.
drinking is smth tt I rly like, but.. If I can't drink, It wld make me feel so bad. But well... Let's see how it goes ba. Most likely no more alcohol for a few days. LOL.

Nonetheless, I met up wif Daniao this afternoon. Had a pretty nice catchup session, well mre like I'm jus doing most of the talking, since.. U noe, I've had a pretty sad life these few years so, I'm jus saying Wadever I wanna say lol. Come to think of it, I don't think i heard much of his life.. Heh oh wells. So apparently he's doing smth tt I wanted to do, Meeting up wif frens who'd not been in contact for a long while, even tho I'm not sure if his intentions are tt pure given his current job. But I shall gif him the benefit of the doubt since today rly did end up as a pure catchup session.


Well.. I guess tts abt it for now. Will update again when I haf the mood haha.

still the same.

Practically rotted the whole day today since it's my bday. And met up with my frens for dinner. It was pretty... Boring as predicted. U noe, even tho there are moments of laughter, of joy. There are also a few awkward silent moments. Can't blame tho, after all we're in this awkward stage of transition between  student life and working life. And most likely, we'll be in different industries tt might lead to  u noe, lacking in common topics.

It's pretty sad tt even as we, frens of 12+ years, start feeling awkward hanging out together. Perhaps it's jus me, perhaps it's the same for everyone. I mean, we've been thru so much shit together, are we gonna start falling apart soon.?
Heh. Well.. It's 2+am and I can't slp. Thus I'm jus updating abt stuffs. To my dear frens... I do cherish each and everyone of u. But... Until the day I'm able to hold my head up high, ok fine jus bring able to hold my head up, I will.. Ok I've said it so many times.. I wanna share my life story wif u. And I hope u will wanna share too. Each. And. Every. Single. One of u.

To all those who didn wish me a happy bday. I do wonder if it's because u didn bother, u didn noe, or u intentionally chose not to.. It's fine. Since I was the heartless one, I'll get back to u ppl. One way or another. Some day.:))


Though I've always been saying the same things these days.. I'm still hopeful for a better tomorrow. No matter how long it will take, I. Will. Be optimistic.
As quoted frm my dad. I shld be glad enuf tt I'm still alive and kicking with no health problems whatnot. All the other things tt ain't in my grasp.. I shldn be too sour abt it, hahaha k fine, he ain't tt wise, he merely said the thing abt "I shld be glad tt I'm still living". I added the rest of it. Teh heh.


I'll find u. When I'm ready.

watashi no o'tanjobi

was trying to read my bday's post frm last year but it seems like i didn post anything last year.
perhaps... i was too sad then?? heh. well, ill try to remember frm my memories then.


okie, last yr... if im not wrong... i planned to disclose the fact tt i retained to my family..so yups t on the 4/9/2013, i was drinkin saporo beer with my fren. heehee, as the last celebration or whatnot.


for the last few years, ive wished for the same thing, "please attain happiness by ur nxt bday and nt be like this 'me' nxt year"
well.. this year... nth much changed, other than the fact tt ive.. finally officially graduate... im still pretty much far away frm my happiness. of cuz my happiness wld include.. hmm mayb having loadsa frens celebrating my bday with me, having a special someone to spend it with... and such.


 well... if ive to rank my bday's it gets worse year by year instead of... u noe... improving. ive got like zero bday well wishes at 12am this year.. tts pretty..sad.. makes me start to wonder wad went wrong u noe, as im someone who rly cherishes events like bdays.


even tho my bday's gon be pretty much of a bore, ill try to keep whatever in stall for me as.. a surprise?? tt is more like an obligation since ill be meeting my frens tml night.. yes they are all working alrdy and im still trapped unemployed ( todays my last day in spinelli but i shall blog abt tt nxt time) so yea, i hope its not gon be tt awkward and stuff.


tch. even with tt "special day" amt of beer, i still feel pretty normal. so tt sucked.
but.. n0netheless, i shall make a few bday wishes.. i..


1) rly hope tt i wld find a steady job and then start re-meeting my long lost frens ( in fact all of em)
2) of cuz to find a special girl who wld share her heart with me
3) haf less bad stuff happening to me


welll all in all... happy birthday to me !! ill most likely update tml;?? if theres anything worth mentioning... if nt.. u gotta wait prolly a few weeks more. teh heh

September.

How time flies, it's September again. My Favourite month of the year, wher it's no longer tt hot and stuff. Rly looking forward to leaving the job. It's.. Gon be a load off my chest. The prolonged suffering is finally stopping and this time, I guess I haf no regrets. After all.. I didn even noe why I bothered giving 4mths of my life to them, while I've been trying to improve tt place, things did change, but I'm pretty sure tt the people didn. So it's jus gonna fall back into the same patterns, same routine.. Heh.

Ive tried. I worked hard. I rly did my best. If u guys didn manage to learn anything frm me, it's.. Sad but oh well.

Hmm, The past year has been pretty.... Oh wait, I'll keep tt for my Thursday's post. Hahaha.

So for now Ill jus do a mini countdown on my own, I won't say tt "yays life's gon be hell lots of better", cuz, it may not be. Change can be painful, change can be slow, change is difficult but, if we don't change we can't improve, if we don't fight we can't win, if I lose, I'll jus fight again. If i keep failing... Well I'll jus scold some vulgarities, drink some alcohol and.. Emo for a while.. And den see how it goes.? Lol but the point is u noe, if u don't try u won't know, if ure resistant to change,  ure bound to get stucked in a shithole, a swamp, a pool of quicksand, sooner or later.

Hence! Pls.. Let it be fast, let it be smooth. I think I've alrdy had enuf of sucky parts of life. Tho I do haf myself to blame but, pls.? Lemme be happy soon. I'm rly dying for it.

I'm so eager to leave omfg.

Tt twist of fate

Lol was jus going home after work and u noe, being fked by the crowded bus. And wif a weary body, beat-up look. In tt bus tt I wanna take, I saw a familiar face. Oh tt pretty face. Well I ain't ready yet, not ready to converse wif u yet.

Heh. Ain't tt life.? When.. U rly wanted to see someone, u don't see her even if u tried so hard to go outta ur way and go the longer route in order to see tt person, u don't get to. When, u hoped tt u won't Hafta see tt person, she will jus appear at the most random places, at the most awkward moments. Lol.

Well putting tt aside, pretty upset tt I wasn't able to help, well, I Hafta be stone hearted after all. Tho u guys haven't been...real nice... U guys ain't tt bad either. so. I will resist. Resist it till I can throw in my apron, or smth like tt. Hahha. Looking forward but, I'm pretty certain tt... I'm gonna be so disappointed on nxt thur. Tt sad day. Even tho I promised myself last year tt I wld be happy this year. I didn fufill it. And apparently... The past year has been.. Pretty much sad and mre boring than the previous one. Let's jus pray tt the turning point is near, things will be looking up pretty soon.?

Even tho I won't break just yet, wldnt hurt to jus let me smile happily for once.?

Lies.

Ok. so I had to lie again. I finally decided tt it was time for me to go for real. Disregarding the fact tt they wld be so shorthanded and stuff, im not gonna walk in their shoes, think frm their perspective this time. If I don't start doing things for myself, who would. So yea, I had to harden my heart and I had to rip u ppl out.
Lie, I lied. So tt u ppl can let me go peacefully, well since i don't think u ppl wld be able to understand how I feel, I haf to do it this way. Yea I quit my job jus becoz I wanna to but I lied tt I've alr gotten a permanent job offer, so tt they wld let me go without pulling my hind leg.

It's rly sticky, this job tt is, i wld always unconsciously go the extra mile to do my job wel, tho other ppl may not think so, one day they will, or if they aren't the kind who will try to look at things frm other ppl's view.. Well too bad. Few days left.. Can't wait to jus get the hell outta this shit.

Felt sour, sad tt I'm unable to help & Unable to share but well, I noe wad went wrong, I uds how u feel. Listen to those who failed and not those who passed, as they won't noe the exact reason as to how they did it; and the failures rly do reflect upon their past actions. Lol wad was I saying.

As a human we only haf a brain and 2 hands. And one freaking body tt has q limited Amt of physical capabilities. Not to mention only 24hrs per day. There is only so much u can do, filling up ur whole schedule may make u feel tt "oh my fking life is so fufilling" but well, sometimes things jus don't work out the way u planned for. My calculations were pretty much spot on, I missed by a little bit, but tt little bit actually made a huge difference in my life. Tt... Miserable 2 points..cost me 1year of my life, and a huge part of my social group.

Haaha. So wads the main point.. Oh sometimes even wif precise calculations, there will be one or 2 unexpected events tt wld tweak ur calculations slightly off ur expectations and tt may haf a huge ass impact in ur life.
thus, do wad u can, and not ALL tt u wanna do. Cuz at the end of the day, ppl will jus "wow.awesome. Ok" when u survived all tt shit but if u failed to do so, they wld gif u tt freaking look and say "see, I told u. U shldve done this done tt blabla bla" all those fkin ppl.

Ure stronger than other ppl, jus tt the things u took up.. Was alittle bit too much for urself, and there's tt fking negative externality tt affected ur performance. Discard some of those stuff tt gif u "satisfaction" and focus on those necessities instead k. :(
Ure smart, ure strong, a superior human, but perhaps ur emotions got the better of u.

Well. Tt goes for u too cy.
Omg I'm so looking forward to nxt week. I wanna start doing things for myself., instead of helping others and not getting any returns.

You cannot advance.

can't sleep. For fks sake and I've gotta wake up early tomorrow. Re-read those old posts and it reminded me of those happy times. Well.. It made my heart flutter again.:)) It has been so ambiguous. If I've attacked at the right timing, wld things had been different.? If I cld see this future, wld I have been able to act differently.? I've hated rejections and failures. I've hated putting in effort becoz I wld feel very demoralized when things I worked for didn turn out the way I hoped for. I've been optimistic, ive always told myself tt "if I've tried harder, I wldve succeeded" but frankly speaking, looking back at my records. It's full of failures and I'm like utterly ashamed of myself.

Perhaps the me tt I tot I am didn exist at all and I'm jus a fking loser in every other ppl's eyes. Tt sucked. I rly rly hoped tt I cldve been back into ur life. But I think I've alrdy lost the right to be. I rly wanted to take the step forward, but I noe, there is this wall tt u built wif solid bricks tt alrdy stood between u and I.  Tt sucked too.

Staring at ppl who looked like u always warmed my heart, well I cannot cfm if tt is u but... Regardless, I felt tt it's jus someone.. Who resembles u. How long has it been, I can't rmb. It... Felt like it's been a very long while while...at the same time recent. Perhaps I shldve been braver, perhaps I shldn be tt passive, and irrationale at the end. Well. I miss u. Like rly. I'm screaming to tt wall every now and then, hoping tt u wld hear it.. But I'm pretty certain tt all I see wldve just been those bricks by boring bricks.


Ah.
ill forget abt u again tml, I'll live life like normal, I'll continue striving for my own goals. But today, I'll jus.. Well. Feel moody and stuff. Hah.


Hah.
Cy. U fking joke.

It's just me.

Yea. It's just me who jus can't seem to let go. The feelings always come back and then I will feel like doing smth stupid, only to be stopped by my sanity and logical brain. Tho my brain has a history of making loads of irrationale choices, it seems to be working pretty ok these days. I think.

I wasn't able to achieve anything yet, thus my pride doesn't allow me to u noe, meet up wif old frens and then letting them gif me tt bloody look tt says "wad a poor lowly human" yea. Tt is why. I won't meet u ppl until I'm able to look u ppl straight in the eyes. It felt pretty bad for someone like me to be so short of confidence at the moment but... Someday. I believe I will pick myself up. And when it happens, I'll be sure to get back all of my frens. And mayb.. Getting u back. As a friend.

It's always better to haf more friends right.? Somebody will definitely come in handy on some occasions. Heh. So... Here's to a better life. A future tts worthy of looking forward to. Strive for it cy.



If I see you on the streets one day, shld I say hi to u with a smile and pass u by? Wld u be hoping tt it will never happen.?

well.

well...fk. results are out and i didn get the results i wanted even though i did some last minute praying. my bro and my dad said its fine, but.. i...didn win. thus i aint able to be tt happy about it. makes me wonder if i shldve concentrated on my studies instead of u noe, working my ass off.


1 year worth of debt, a class of honours in my degree...who is able to judge which one of it is more worth it.


imma jus gon let this rest and..live life again tml. arhgf.

escape.

watching running man is rly...helpful. duno if ive alrdy mentioned it b4, regardless of it being exam period, bored period, shitty times. watching it helps me forget abt the shits tt happened, tts abt to happen, and shits tts happening in progress. hahaha.


tt empty feeling, i havent felt it in q a while, cuz previously i had this mind set on doing smth and tt was my goal frm the moment i opened my eyes till the moment i lay down on my bed again.
and then suddenly this thought popped up, wad is waiting for me at the end. given my record, even if i do sacrifice my time, my life, my effort, things dont always turn out the way i wanted, in fact, it always turned out as the worst case scenerio.


tt really sucked big time. even if i do make it, who's gonna be there cheering for me, and if i dont, wld there be anything to pick me up and tell me "its ok, try harder and u will make it" well well. even tho ive lived through so many of these occasions whereby im jus fighting for myself, i still cant get used to it...without anyone to rly share my happiness and sorrow wif.
its just temporary. im just... u noe, ranting out somewhere cuz... i noe ppl wont like hearing other ppl ranting ranting and whining. they like to hear funny stuff, things tt make them feel better abt themselves, if nt they wont even listen. perhaps i am the same, but at least i will try to listen. so... pls listen to me too :|


oh well tt said, i dont quite like giving up without fighting, im stilll gonna go back and study. and even though i dont quite looking forward to my tomorrow, ill... get through it.. and i willl haf a day tt i can look forward to.. someday.


make it happen cy.

Just one of those days.

Oh it's more abt ytd, like, it's national day and stuff and majority of the people were like having fun, watchin fireworks and shit. While my day started wif working wif someone who thinks tt she's pretty damn good and then going home being tired as shit while at the same time not being able to fall aslp.
So after much struggle, I got a short nap and went for a late dinner with my parents. I felt... Pretty bad, in a sense tt why am I home and not with my frens. Den I started thinking, how will my parents feel if even I'm not home.

Nonetheless, after looking through all those social media updates abt all those ppl having fun outside while me staring blankly at my opened textbook( obviously not learning anything new) I start feeling rly sour. Somehow.... After talking some crap with my fren, I felt slightly better but tt is nt enough for me to... U noe, remove the urge for some beer. Had some beer and slept. It felt.. Pretty bad cuz the nxt day I woke up at 6+ for god knows what reason.

Then I start my snail-like process of studying.

Oh, not to mention my bro's gf came over to my house again during my afternoon "nap" and yea I was awakened by the conversation going on outside. Pretty much my mum bitching bout shits. Namely,  my family stuffs, to my bro's gf. Like wtf. As I said to my bro in exact words, bitching is one thing, telling half truths are unacceptable. For most people wld haf this bad impression on this person(due to previous statements made by those fking bitches) and it becomes a self fufilling prophecy whereby u will convince urself tt "yea he/she was right" whereby u merely caught minor hints tt might seem to fit tt impression tt u alrdy haf and... Just... U noe, haf a very bad impression of tt person. If u get wad I meant.
It's bad if ure bring down ur "frenS", colleagues, anyone in ur social group, it's rly intolerable if ure doing it to ur family.

So tt kinda pissed me off and I gave my mum a little punishment to remind her of her lines, don't think it helped but. I had to get it off my chest. Cuz who noes? Tt person saying bad stuff about other ppl will one day start saying stuff abt u behind ur back too. And it's exceptionally hurting if it's someone u trusted so much, someone u call.. Ur family.

So yea. The 2nd half of this entry is to remind ppl tt.. Mayb u don't rly mean it, or mayb u do mean it, it's a rly horrible thing to do, to mislead other ppl into assuming tt the other person is smth, tt he isn't. Potraying tt victim as a Villian doesn't make u a hero, ure jus low.

When my heart starts beating again.

How long has it been since my last update. Hmm lazy to check so I shall leave it as it is. People always hoped tt they cld go back in time to change their present state, while forgetting tt what they do today determines their future. This basic rule of life has been neglected by so many people.

Had so many moments which I wanted to re-live again but den again, I guess I Hafta trust myself tt, at that given moment, given situation, I've made the right choice. No one wldve known how it wldve turned out and I think I didn leave any regrets.
And I thought tt if I had the courage to reach out for u, I'll be able to grab ur hands. Well I guess tts not gonna happen. So much for my preparation. So long. I hope u... Won't haf a good life:) and then u will remb the times wher someone treated u so damn well. and den u can start regretting. Heh.

My time is almost up. I haf to say gdbye to my slack life, whether I like it or not. But it wldve been a new start to my life I suppose. I've gone thru some shit, and I've learnt and grown.. To become what I am now. So plz, gif me a good life ahead of me.? I'm sure tt I will work hard to achieve it.

But for nw.. Let's jus chill and take my own sweet time studying this darned dry "ownership rights" chapter. Argfh

When it starts beating again, I'll try to be less bothered with my pride. I promise.

interesting.

That marked the end of mhan's wedding. Was pretty fun. And had gd food. Only sad thing is tt I jus had to get drunk again. So tt sucked so much.

Wells.. It was rly nice hanging out wif my frens and u noe, spending money to haf fun. It was interesting and it made me not wanting to go back into my hermit lifestyle. Cuz being wif my frens...rly put a wide smile on my face. And I won't haf the cheek to face ALL of my frens if I ain't able to step out of my comfort zone, and get a freaking job.

I want. To. Step outside so much.

the journey fufilled.

Not tt I... Ok I can't rly focus on studying at home, cuz u noe, my bed is so... Attractive all day long. And my fone's begging me to touch it every now and then. And thus I finally made it a point to step outta my hse today disregarding any issues like "waste of money, waste of time" etc. It wld be nice to step out and take a look at the world around me every once in a while after all.

I felt tt I rly needed tt fresh air.

Nonetheless, even tho it wasn't that productive for me, I wld like to say tt it's nt a bad choice after all.
Rly wanted to drink ytd night but somehow I managed to stop my self from doing it. yays.
well

For peace.

I wonder why are ppl Constantly trying to bring down others. No matter how the humans evolve, they can't co-inhabit this world peacefully. I meant the real real peacefulness, tho it's pretty much peaceful in majority of the world, not mentioning the tragic happenings in the Middle East, or the previous event in Eastern Europe.

I'm talking abt the more micro thingies. If u can follow my flow. In a classroom, there will be at least one or 2 person(or mayb more) ure nt tt close to and u wld hope tt they cld jus vanish jus so tt everyone ard u is "ur close fren". Or mayb there will be ppl u hate and u don't like and u will badmouth the person whenever u get the chance. For. Wad. To give oneself a sense of superiority, by verbally bringing a person down infront of someone who "agrees" with u, behind tt victim's back. Well in work places, the game is pretty much played differently, previously u cld jus ignore the person or, jus u noe, get a bunch of frens and bully tt person or smth. In the working environment, well, although u still do the badmouthing, u try to do it as discreetly as u can. Despite saying tt "not tt I wanna talk behind ppl's back but bla bla bla, or haiyo tt guy ah... Hai yah... *shakes head* " etc etc and den , when they are in front of the person of topic, they will act as tho nth happened, and mayb chat and smile like they are real frens. They call it being diplomatic, or Wadever term u might wanna phrase it, tho in a sense, it's pretty much pure hypocrisy.

Facing these kind of things daily. And being able to hone my.. 'Diplomatic' skills for the past few years, smth inside me changed as well. Well of cuz whenever I'm conscious I'll try my best not to be one of those ppl who.. U noe, yea but sometimes... It jus comes out. the words jus flows outta my mouth and I became like one of them. I'll jus try to minimize it but, on the hindsight. I hope tt I wldve Enuf courage to speak to the people involved in front of their faces too. Like sincerely, for the sake of their personal improvement. Tho many times I've been proven tt my words won't be able to Change their character... I'll.. Try ok. And yea I will try my best to improve myself too.

I want to be different. I want to be above everyone else, by not bringing anyone down and understanding their strengths and weaknesses, and helping them improve if possible.

Well the whole thing came bcoz of my brothers actually. Even after knowing each other for 20+ 30+ years, and staying tgt for abt 20+ years, ppl are still not able to uds each other thoroughly. I wonder why. Izzit becoz they haf nv ever tried to know the other party, or izzit tt the other party nv intended to let himself be read at all.

Some minor disagreements arose these few days due to my bro's wedding. I sincerely hope tt they don't take these too seriously bcoz.. U noe, we're brothers. And I sincerely do not hope tt we will be uncomfortable hanging out with each other, or rather, enemies wldve been the worst case scenerio.

Yea. I'll see wad I can do.

Will humans ever be able to attain true peace.? Frm a Macro and micro perspective.

wrench.

Times whereby u tot ure alr over it, den seeing smth tt brings back all the memories. Tt moment where u felt as tho someone jus squeezed ur heart  literally. Haha had tt moment last night but well. It rly jus lasted for a while but still, lols.

Pretty not a constructive Friday cuz I went jogging, and den I slept. LOl. And I went to causeway point in hope tt I'll be able to find nice special cakes for my mother. But ended up realizing tt the shops available are pretty much the same as the ones in bukit panjang. Hence I headed back to bpp instead. Total waste of time and transport fare.
So my brothers wanted to come back wif their wives to u noe, celebrate oh wait. I had the intention of buying pizzas for my mum since there's this 2 pizzas for blabla dollars. So yea I tot if it's jus 2 more ppl, I guess there's enuf pizza to go ard. Suddenly, another bro of mine decided to come for pizza as well,( originally he said he's not coming) and yea. I tot I needed more. It's pretty ex to me cuz my income is merely half or less than half of my previous income. Yea I'm a leech at home so yea, bought 4 of em nonetheless.
After tt I gt this bad premonition, so I called home. And my mum told me tt she alr cooked dinner. wtfbbq. Yes, I alr told her tt I'm gon buy pizza so told her nt to cook. I totally felt tt I jus threw my pocket money tt cldve lasted for a week or 2 into the sea.

Well... I shldve called b4 buying. I didn take into consideration tt she's such an ass. So On my way home I'm totally fuming but I took in a lot of deep breathes to calm down. Argh. Wtf bbq.

Ah so tts tt. It's jus like u can make plans tt fits perfectly, but there'll always be one or 2 asses to screw ur plan up for u no matter how precise ur plans were.

It's her bday.. But... U noe.. Tt feel, tt anger. Argfgh.

Mind body and soul.

living life. havent gained enuf confidence yet. eager to fly but, u noe, u nv noe wad can happen if u leave the nest before you are ready.

K fine shall update it since theres not much content previously.

Met a close jc fren few days ago, or rather we actually still kept in touch when we're in uni. But when smth bad happened to me, I cut everyone away frm my life. Well I can't b truthful abt my failure, since... Ppl always expect me to do well, I don't haf the patience to explain and tell everyone of my frens hw stupid i were, I am.? So yea, talked abt some interesting memories and a little bit of my life recently, it was kinda awkward but I guess it turned out.. Ok. Heh.

Trying hard to do useful stuff these days, with these 3 words in mind, "mind body and soul"
Heh. Trying to make sure tt I don't rly waste these slacking days and trying my best to enrich myself. Studying cfa is supposed to add value to my brain. Tts the mind section.

Body: yes I'm training up my body, for a nicer looking body ahha. Reducing the body fats at my abdominal area and training up my arm str. But.. Tt doesn't seem to be working out well since I jus look like a skinny mofo. Sigh.

Soul: hmm. Currently I'm playing some drums to make sure tt I don't go out of practice. So tt whne the time comes and I haf to display my skills, I won't be disappointed. Haha there are millions of skills out there for ppl to acquire. I wld love to acquire all of them but.. In my limited lifespan, and limited time.. There's only so much i can learn. Well. I guess piano is next, but of cuZ, other than enriching my soul, priority goes to the mind and body enhancement process.


Tt pretty much summed up what I'm up to these days. I feel tt it's.. Meaningful in its own way. Not jus squandering time away I hope..well then, time to roll of my bed and get back to work


so life's normal, many moments where i thought to myself ugh shld i do this and den ill tell myself nope. no u shldnt connect back the bonds tt uve worked so hard to cut away. welll..... plenty sleepy these days and i wonder why, but work hard ok. its a tough road but i will be able to get throught these.


after alll im cy.


hahahaha, took steps to reconnect but, at the final step i started to hesitate. why shld i even do tt. i shldve jus moved forward.

Misery business

Was so about to u noe, write abt all the misery tt I'm enduring alone. But then again, apparently the signs were telling me not to.

Anw hi. It's ur bday as usual; one year passed tt quickly. I guess I'm definitely a bloody fool for thinkin tt u noe, we cld jus catch up on stuff or smth but hahahah. I guess not. Okay no loss. I'm cool. Hope u got to enjoy a day out wif ur frens and/or ur special one. Well, don't say tt it's nth special, it's an excuse I guess, for someone to feel special once per year. Pls do feel special, it's so not just another day if u didn treat it tt way k.? K bye.

Oh pretty much shopped for the attire we needed to wear for mhan's wedding. Heh. Feels kinda nice tt I'm able to meet new ppl, and I think they're q cool to hang out wif. Well, good frens of my good fren shld mean tt I shld be able to click well wif em right.? Hah. Nt sure how these will turn out but, yea nice to meet them and... Hope tt the wedding day will be fun as well.

There's like some many stuff tt I wanted to buy, but ugh. Tt money... My bank is in a never before seen crisis and it felt so bad. I even started to think tt "no, I'm nt the one who spent it. Someone must've stole my card or smth". But yea of cuz... It's all done by me. Sigh. Even tho I tried to live so frugally... Things still turn out this way omg. We'll... See how it goes I guess hehe.

I will not feel down becuz I haf other impt things to worry abt. So what if there's a lot of shit going on ard me. I won't be defeated.. Not so easily.:)

watch me.

The hardest part of love is choosing to let go of the person so tt he/she cld be happier.

Bachelors'

Had a bachelors' party last night. Supposingly. Lol cuz I don't rly noe what a bachelors' party shld be like but i think tt it shld include some alcohol and stuff so I think... Yup we had a bachelors' party last night.

Alcohol is rly smth tt helps bond ppl closer. Tts wad I think, tts prolly the answer I've been searching for. Under the influence of alcohol and dim lights, ppl become more truthful, ppl become more friendly and open, removing all the false pretense they put up day in day out. Secrets will be told, and we wld laugh at the tiniest thing. I guess generally ppl become happier after drinking but of cuz, the cost of it is to haf a hangover the next day and prolly puking ur guts out.

Well I hope everyone had fun. Especially to my very close fren who's getting married. Taking tt step forward and becoming a husband is smth I think a lot of ppl don't haf the courage for. Tt amt of responsibility tt comes along with it is unimaginable I guess. Like promising smbdy tt "yea I'm gon take care of u forever". Jus thinking abt it is giving me the creeps lol. K fine to be fair, it's nt like I didn haf tt mentality before but... U noe, sometimes it's q hard to follow through with tt decision. Like after a few years, won't u look at those ppl who's not married having helluva fun but u having to go home and u noe, take care of tt fking crying baby. Yup it will be worth it but.. Of cuz there shld be moments whereby u will go like "fk this.. I shldnt haf gotten married"

Still... I'm glad tt I got to send him off. Hahaha. This is it. Gdbye freedom for him. Hello to the nxt stage of life.

Well on the other hand.. I'm still deep in the sea of freedom and relaxation. I noe I'm so gonna pay a price of these freedom I'm enjoying now but, I'll.. See how it goes. Ill yea. Haha.

Letting go.
Now tt I think I'm pretty much close to the truth. Perhaps it's rly time to let it go. Just another yesterday's idea.
The last goodbye tt is said by my heart. Will nv reach ur ears but at least, it reached my brain. And I shld be able to move on from tt spot sincerely frm nw on. No sorrow, no more emotions.