Tears.

Uh. Smth happened at work today, just somebody feeling awful for Duno wad and jus some asshole customer being an asshole. As usual, didn react at the first moment. Sighh. I wonder y I love watching stuff frm the side so much. Okay okay. Ill change ok.
Saw her teary eyes which kinda hurt me a little. Of cuz I pretended not to see it and jus acted as per normal. Heh. Of cuz I noe tt no one wld wanna show their weakness to other people and sometimes, ppl jus need a lil time to calm down and wipe away their tears.

Tears tears. Probably the 3rd time which I felt affected by that liquid. The sorrow tt I cldnt help, the lack of courage to hold u, um not u but the other u in my arms. That pain, u probably didn felt it but, let me tell u, I'm hurt when I see ur tears.

As a retard, of cuz all the feelings of regret, all the memories which I tried to forget. All the. Stuff came back. This song which represented u replaying in my ears at full blast. In ur remembrance. The tears u shed those days, the pain I experienced, the tears which I tried forcing out but didn. all of it. all of my memOries which i tried to forget by drowning myself with work came back today due to smebody else.

Ahh. My tears, those invisible tears which always flows. Those tears which no one else sees, the true face behind my mask of a clown, the true me, if only anyone bothered finding out. The real me behind those retarded jokes. Will anyone ever see tt.?:/

Anw, Please recover frm tt. U will b able to find someone better and u will definitely be able to lead a very happy life.:) and to u, who caused me so much grieve, I wish, unwillingly, wish tt u are happy now as well.

Jus let me bear all the sadness and Wadever nonsense, ill be able to get through it. Ill live on. I promise.

C to the Y

Heh. C to the Y.basically just my initials, a term to symbolize strength and ultima partying spirit. I Duno how it came about but tts the way it is now.

Having a bad time recently as I'm getting tired and sleepy easily, can't concentrate on my studies for nuts. Uhh. Having strange feelings at home when studying till late( the supernatural type) screw tt shit. I'm the owner of this place, if ure there somewher, get lost. I wanna study here. So here I am, laying on my bed not sleeping cuz I don't wanna give up yet, but... Body's not moving. Heh.

Oh well having some strange dreams here and there while having my afternoon nap today. Abt things tt didn really mattered, Abt ppl who weren't particularly impt. Strangely enuf, I couldn't differentiate between wad really happened and wad happened in my dreams. I was confused enuf to go check thru my stuff so as to reconfirm wads reality and wads not.

Haha so tt explains my fb status "reality and dream intertwined"

Lastly, jus a whisper to a couple of ppl.
Do you, happen to think of me every once in a while? Like how I wld happily share things tt happened between us wif other ppl. Wld u, when ure all alone, remb some of my foolish acts and laugh to yourself.? Pls do, if not, I wld feel so...... Unimportant. Unlike the you in my mind.

And hi. I hope u weren't while at the same time u were referring to me. LOL. Hm I look forward to seeing how this episode turns out and yea, see u soon.:)

Err I guess tts all I wanted to say for now, so lets get up and urgh. Urgh urgh.........

..to be continued....

Happiness. And other shit

I'm tired. All that bullshit abt strength and stuff is just a facade for other ppl, so tt no one else will look at me wif pitiful eyes, no one will tell me to stop Wadever I'm doing. Why isn't there anyone who wld come to me and tell me the thing tt I really wanted to hear. Heh. Oh wells I guess I shldn expect too much frm other ppl. After all, they ain't me, and they're all blinded by my strong outer look.

I've always wanted to be, a symbol of strength, a pillar wher everyone else can lean on when they're tired, and continue moving forward after resting. I don't noe if I fufilled the role but, I really wanted tt.

Uhh heard one of my fren in the clique is gonna get attached soon. I'm really happy for him, tho on the outside I kept sayin bad stuff and all, I'm. Really. Happy for u chan:) please be happy.! Of cuz I'm jealous u assbitch.:))

 I'm gonna work hard for the nxt few days as well..! Pls tap on my shoulders or hold my hands and tell me, uve done well, pls continue working hard if not work harder for that ultimate goal. Lets go

confessions.

been a while, been living in a fantasy world whereby i kept working and working and working and working and not realli studying. gah. screwed up but im gonna jus go to the main topic.

i dont suppose i can say it to anyone, and im dying to say it somewher, so, lets jus do it here =)

to (1)

for a moment, i totally forgot about all the pain uve caused me in the past, naively i thought things could be like before. i wonder if its luck or misfortune. the sight of seeing u.....getting on another guy's car and going on a date with him. that feeling, i remembered so vividly when i saw a guy wif u at the polyclinic. tt pain. tt suffocation, i will never forget.
u didn noe the truth. in fact, no one knows the truth. except for me. the feeling of having a glimmer of hope and tt glimmer that got destroyed by the darkness called reality. welll in everyone else's eyes and ur eyes, u just thought tt im lazy and shit. but you're the reason to all these. you're the cause. of everything.
the drinks, the coffee making, the skipping of lessons.

Drinking to forget you, making coffee cause its your favourite drink, skipping of lessons just so tt i wont need to see you. cuz seeing you, makes me do stupid things.

to (2)
i liked you. you brought some sort of solace to the dark moment in my life. i...had fun.. i smiled and i forgot abt the shit tt happened to me. i was never sure of my feelings, i always thought tt the mytery abt ur background is rather, unappealing. well, only until recently i realized, feelings, doesnt require any reasonings.
we werent meant for each other but, i still want to thank you, mayb its bcuz of u, i was able to get out of tt dark shroud tt almost consumed me. thank you very much. i sincerely hope tt u will be able to achieve happiness in these few years and no assholes will hurt u. please. protect urself well.

to (3)
U're special. i see it in u. many guys will start queuing up to win ur heart and i sincerely hope tt wont change wad u are right now, cuz ure rated A++ now =) u make me regret growing up. its sad tt we're from different eras, if i were ur age, i wldve fallen for u too. but i guess, if i was ur age, i wld jus seem like a pitiful worm crawling ard and probably not even comparable to those charming ppl around you. still, plz, stay just the way u are, and plz, judge a guy properly b4 falling for him. it wld really hurt me if some young dogs hurt u, most probably i wont be able to see it tho but, take care plz.

tts almost done. the truths behind all truths, recorded down.its....finally.......done.

the leaving

finally a post about my wonderful friends.

ytd was  the day whereby 2 of my very close frens going hk for exchange. of cuz, i didn wanted to send them off at first cuz i felt tt im jus gonna be left at the side and rot while they entertain the others(ie, family, gf and stuff) .

But it was till a final supper outing whereby im reminded of all the fun and laughter we always haf during every outing which i always took for granted for. the bunch of uninteresting, boring bunch of ppl always doing the same old things but still, full of jokes and happiness everytime we do boring things. well i guess tts wad happens when we haf a bunch of frens who grew old tgt, hang out tgt. i changed my mind. i remb hw close we are and hw much they wld love to see us there.

at the airport, yea i was partially right, of cuz they were sticking to their gfs and family and almost ignored our existence only until like the last 10 min or so, uh i could understand that, after all, this bunch of frens are like hmm family? whereby the members will still wait patiently for u wif a smile even when u are busy outside with other stuff. and welcome you back happily even tho u are only able to stay for 5 mins. duno if i make any sense but yea, tryta get the meaning.

 another thing tt jolted my emotions was tt i heard my fren's parents were able to recognize us or mayb not me but some other frens, BY NAME and frm when. identifying the primary sch frens...and even those who werent ard. OMG. i wonder if my mum cld do the same thing.

uh and this remark which was made by my fren's mum affected me the most , "i watched them grow up as well" (meaning us, those who were there) tho expressionless, but i was moved greatly. even if we were alrdy adults and are doing slogging our guts out in different aspects in life, its really a great deal tt we were still able to be tgt. to all the extra personnel who were there ytd as well, plz noe ur place. its not the really the years tt counts. its the unique experiences tt we had tgt tt was able to bond us tgt so strongly. so even if u were in the same class, u wont understand u bitch =) _|_

cheers to 11 years and counting,

Nothing.

i guess this will be the only few times whereby im not gonna rant and whine abt life and shit.

im fine. not doing well but, clinging on. works been a bitch, studying's been horrible, youve been a bitch too and tts why im able to cut u off frm my life. yea just stay away.

hmm just thinking abt random stuff lately, uhh you noe, studies, worklife, REST and social life. trying to cope wif all of them is really hard. been trying my best to rid of gg out so tt i cld rest and study harder but apparently it aint helping much. yea i'll try my best to cope i hope

these sentences haf been clinging on the my mind recently. quoted frm "naruto"

goes smth like "this world is full of things that dont go as you wish. the longer you live, the more you realize that reality is just made of pain, suffering and emptiness, wherever there is light there are also shadows. as long as the concept of "winners" exists, there will also be "losers". while hatred is born to protect love."

well its kinda sad tt im actually agreeing to smth written in mangas tt were meant for kids. oh well right now, im full of hatred.and yea, it came frm the desire to love, a casual relationship tt cannot be removed. jus quoting yea. and i hope tt my vulgarities tt seems to be coming out will be contained!!

hur hur quite a boring post eh? at least its not a post full of rants so be happy for me thx =)

gonna be long. been a while after all

hi im back. as usual, mainly just whines.

hmm wher shld i start, prolly ill just continue frm where i left off frm the previous post. yes. i stayed at my job. kinda weak and loserish but i swallowed my pride and took the job back. after all, pride is really nth much compared to cold hard cash. so wad if i lose my pride, if i dont haf money, i haf nth.

yup so after i decided to cont working, ive got excess cash to spare, plus my allowance frm my lovely mum. cant put it in words but im really grateful. uhh ya abt the excess cash, they went off to alcohol for my body. indulging myself in it just to forget abt my woes.
yes, tt kind of sick life, vomiting anywher after drinking too much, hooking up wif random ppl etc etc.

meeting new ppl, having more ppl to chat wif on the phone, appearing to haf more ppl caring bout me. all just a futile struggle of the fool. a simple story to describe these whole series of events:

A fool fell down hard and is covered in cuts and bruises. tried to pick himself up after much struggle, walked forward frm the place he fell at, it felt as tho the wounds haf slowly recovered over time, he smiled amd started running then, at the same spot, he fell again, after moving one whole round to end up at the same spot where he fell at. finally he realized tt he'd been moving in circles and the wounds tt he tot were gone are actually still dere, and this time, he's actually hurt even more badly than before.

LOL and yea, at the end of the day, its like a dream. waking up to realise tt im actually still alone on my own bed.

hahah and yup! here i am! troubled again, to stay or to leave. as usual, w/o anyone to pour my hearts out to, w/o anyone who seems to be able to give me any wise advice. still on my own.
to add on to the problems, while i was almost abt to do more idiotic(actually idiotic is is rather mild, i think i need a stronger word for stupid to describe me) stuff, i wonder wad kind of mystical force actually showed me the truth which i always tried not to remember today. Yes. thanks for tt sincerely, before i fall into tt shithole and get hurt again.

i hate you. because i @#$%ed you too much. way too much.

sighh things i always think abt these few days
why must i laugh even when im so badly hurt inside.
why must i make the extra effort to keep other ppl laughing even when im actually crying inside.
why do i haf to keep helping other ppl and keep moving around even when im alrdy exhausted
why do i keep wanting to be wif my frens when they needed some1 when i myself needed some1 to confide to badly.

why do i haf to face the world with a smile everyday even when i haf so much hate in me.

would there be anyone who would be bothered to rip off this mask of a clown and help me wipe my tears? hurr nah its ok. i'll be fine after whining out here. all these problems troubling me now, i'll jus solve em one by one.

ill be fine. ill be fine. im strong anw, in every meaning of tt word.

till we meet again.

Today.!

Annyeong haseyo! Kyo wa Ore no otanjobi desu ne.!!

Haha had been doing a lot of soul searching these few days. Cuz I was really cOnsidering whether I wanna stay for he job or not. Wif no one to confide in wif no one to Advice me, I'm literally on my own. The present I wanted to give myself this year was supposed to be "freedom".
But apparantly, I chose to stay(for awhile) I was nv really able to make a choice. I really wanted to spend more time to study and relax myself and stuff. But my financial accounts were telling me not to. While I'm always very depressed when I haf to go to work since I've lost my "prince" position.:( haha used to call myself prince since my colleagues will really suffer if I chose not to work and since I'm like one of the most experience workers ard, i felt tt I was really indispensable.

Well, things changed, owner changed many things changed. My presnce felt small and insignificant. All them managers wif a few yrs of experience came pressing me due to the fact tt my boss decided to hand over ownership. U noe wad it feels like.? I'm like a loyal warrior serving the same country but to a different ruler. Haha I noe it's kinda funny but ya, warriors from the previous dynasty shld take their retreat eh.? Am I wrong.?

Well things holding me back are generally money. While things pulling me away.? So damn many reasons. Well well after announcing tt I wanna leave suddenly, I spoke to one of e managers and damned, my heart swayed. I chose to stay throughout the week and I foresee tt I'm quite interested to staying longer. Zzzzzzz=.=. Well we'll see how this scenerio turns out.!

ME.

Was feeling really really horrible 2days ago when I knocked off frm work.

Haha was really unhappy abt a lot of stuff recently and the main reason tt ticked me off was bcuz of this colleague of mine, to b exact, superior, whom didn manage to earn my respect kept picking on stuff which I didn do well. URE RIGHT. Totally right. I'm a really lousy employee. I duno why I haf the cheek to talk back and even ignored all tt she said but, I somehow reacted to my instincts. So I jus showed some attitude and went home.

I was really angry abt a lot of things, I wont say tt she is not at fault totally but, I deserve to be shot and I'm really at fault to a greater extend. I didn really noe wad caused me to lose my temper(to b honest, I'm actually quite good at controlling my temper) but, yea I totally lost it recently. I did some reflection on my way home tho. At first I was thinking, "why am I always in this situation. Why do I always haf to work under ppl who don't deserve my respect". Den suddenly,I tried to recall if there is any of my superior in which I really showed respect to. I'm thinking, probably none. Which could seriously mean tt the problem lies wif me. "I am not as good as I thought I am. And I don't show proper respect to any1 and tt is why, I'm always so fed up wif my job" and so it led me to think tt mayb it's the same wif my life. I'm really hating a lot of things in my life, my job, my frens, my family. Like I wld always feel tt they haf some bad points which I really hate. But I'm still living wif it but not feeling really happy wif tt.

Am I expecting too much? Am I worthy enuf to expect so much frm ppl, why am I so unhappy abt my life. Do I really hate these things ard me.? Or do I hate myself tt I trapped myself in these horrible shit. Ya, the more I think abt it, the more horrible I feel, jus den, u msged me. LOL. Like oh wow, needless to say, I felt better after talking to u. Tho I didn wanna let other ppl noe of all the problems I'm facing but, jus talking abt all the unnecessary stuff wif u made me happier. Tho it's like a short and sweet dream, thx anyway.

Ya special thx to AS who talked abit wif me as well. Haha was really at a very low point den but, perhaps I jus wanted to talk to sombdy. Anybdy. Oh wells now, I will try my Best to welcome tml wif a smile. I'll really.. Try. Please lemme b happy.!. 

Moving on

its been um a week? since i last contacted u.yea and u didn bothered keeping in contact wif me as well. im realli surprised tho. how did u managed to live on so well, how did u manage to make me fall so deep for u w/o u feeling anything for me. haha. life sux right?

1 argument could be, ure also waiting for me to take the initiative while the other is tt u jus felt tt "phew wad a relieve, this piece of shit is finally away frm me"
well well its better to be the pessimist now. ill jus um, take the defensive move now alright, to prevent myself from being hurt further.

prolly 1 thing worth mentioning, hmm i duno when it is, one of the days last week i suppose, i was, as usual, drinking the shit out of the beer and stuff, i randomly whatsapp lai**. =) ya a nice girl who realli, kinda saved me. was drowning myself in the sea of anchor and realli drinking the shit outta myself,and somehow, she stopped me. den i realized. the reason i fell for her was bcoz when she talks, she sounds like lai**, who realli managed to make me smile, no matter how screwed up i felt.

hmm sadly lai** didn reply me the nxt day and u didn as well. but, i realli wanna thank u. lai**. u reali saved me tt night. thank you so much. annnnnd ! im gonna go back to my drunk state! byebye! hah

the sequel

uhh. nth special but jus an update about my life. i strongly believed that i shldve updated some weeks or days back but apparently it seems to b abt a month ago.

okay! umm basically i went back to some place to work. uh kinda dumb but tt place was my previous workplace and since they're permanently short handed, i jus went back in. w/o much of a hassle. reason as to why i went back.=.=personally, i realli dont like working there. hwever, i felt tt rather than wasting time at home slacking while i wait for employers to call me, i wld rather start working part time somewhere and earn some $. nt forgetting tt i realli hope tt 1 day, u will drink the coffee tt i made and tell me tt u liked it.=/ DUMB RIGHT? but oh wells. perhaps tts my personality, u cant change it. the naivety.

i saw smth interesting somewher "the hardest choice is to choose between giving up or trying harder". (if im not wrong) yea. applies here. however, "Failing after trying ur best hurts so much more than simply giving up." cuz it totally denies urself, u cant do it even if u gave ur best. rather than having the mentality tt "i cldve done it if i tried harder but i chose to gave up cuz its too much of a hassle". yes, tts escaping from the reality, not facing the challenge but, if there is a very high chance tt u are gonna be hurt more if u try harder, why not jus, u noe.
ya pardon me if u do not understand any single part i wrote above. try reading it a few more times and u might jus understand wad im tryin to imply.=)

yup. now im still at the decision phase but my body aint realli listening to my mind. it is still trying so hard to do all those nonsense that might jus yield absolutely NO RETURNS. well well, lets see how it turns out den, mind vs body. will update again soon!

p.s. each time after meeting u, i feel little further from u, but i feel more attracted to u by the second.=/

(if u noe wad i mean)

i have returned.

so i had my last paper today. things didn go smoothly but i did wad i could and.. we'll leave the rest to fate. but wad ive been dying to say aint anything tt gotta do wif exams( at least not directly)

Have u ever thought of how things would haf been if some1 didn jus appear into ur life suddenly? i did. she jus suddenly came into my life. at first, i wasnt realli interested but , unknowingly, something attracted me more and more AND MUCH MUCH MORE. It is something on the inside. the character, the personality, the real thing tt made me lose all my resolve, my pride, my sanity perhaps.

Jus a lil gesture frm you tt may seem like nth, but it really shook the deepest part of my dead heart. i nv believed tt it wld be able to accept any1 else yet, u went in, and took a very impt place in this heart which managed to be resusitated.
the time spent wif you was realli like a dream. a really sweet 1. if im not wrong, i dont think any1 haf ventured so deep into me. ure adventurous, uve realli explored an uncharted horizon. i totally fell, for u. TOTALLY, so much so tt i didn mind putting down my pride jus to please u, to prevent u frm ignorin me. many things which used to b so impt to mi, totally dont anymore.
im sure tt things will really b different if u didn appear. i would haf stepped into WCC. i wldn ever get a SB card. i wld nv b so eager to go back and make coffee(wif hope tt u will drink it) i would haf been able to do much much much better( if my assumptions were correct) in my exams. tho i haf got so many complains, but still, i felt tt it shld be worth it.

HOWEVER, things always dont haf good endings, at least not for mi, my stories always ends as a joke, a comedy, a failure. tho im not sure abt many things, but i do trust my senses this time(tho i srsly pray tt im wrong) i feel tt, there is some1 else in ur heart.
this realli feels heartwrenching. which is also smth tt realli bothered mi for SO FREAKING LONG. who is tt guy. wad a lucky asshole disgusting piece of shit. ZZzz.

arghhh today marks the end of the dream tho, the one whereby i haf all the legitimate reasons to meet u. nw i dont haf it anymore and i think u wont take the initiative, much as i dont haf to courage to face it. WELL! I HOPe tt we will realli haf a chance to get much closer and i realli wanna be urs. ok sry, i wan u to be MINE. BUT..=.= oh wells we shall see then

Ivy Landy Yvonne.

good evening

good evening ppl. im a week away from my nxt 2 consecutive papers but im troubled by... yea =) troubled cuz of all the uncertainties abt u. troubled abt my exams, troubled and w/o my frens with me.

i cant bring myself to face the fact, i cant bring myself to say it out to my frens as well, since it makes me looks weak. i always tot tt i shld be strong enuf now. but perhaps, ppl jus dont change whenever it comes to this. i felt as tho im back into tt loop. tho i shld be used to the loniness by now, however tt glimmer of hope which is shone on me due to ur kindness made my heart started moving again. *im a little exaggerating here but ohh wells. not realli for ppl who noes me to see this so haha-

argh damn. i lost my feelings cuz of some distractions. ohh well ill jus end ard here. conclusion, im realli uncertain abt our future, i duno how u feel abt mi, but i suppose if i successfully transmitted my feelings into ur heart ( i would say brain wld be technically more correct but haha oh wells=) ) i would haf no regrets, and if u were not able to reciprocrate my feelings for u, its ok, i will jus live wif that pain on my own. i shld be fine... i.. shld be able to.. take it. :')

Reason

Brief update on life so far. Haha. For some reason, I feel breathless, powerless and tired. No worries tho, jus tryin to get a breather thru this way. Somehw it feels kinda difficult to breath. Jus feel like lying down and not doing anything, too tired to try, to fight, to endure.

Lalala! Not really serious!! Haha was at work. And am bored to tears and thus thinking of things to do. Zzz hmm am kinda lagging behind academically and ya i kept escaping away from reality wif all sorts of excuses. Damned. Wonder how I will do this year but. I'm so gonna pick myself up! Soon.

nth impt

nth realli impt. jus a random idea struck mi and i thought its quite meaningful(to mi at least) , so i guess i shld write down smwher.

mayb in a parallel universe, i was braver had already acquired happiness. mayb things were different over there and the 2 of us are happily together. Not jus u living in happiness but not mi.

haha. cant realli recall the exact idea when i started typing it down and apparantly its nt good at all. oh well, will try to recall or think of a better 1 in due time. tata

Slack on

Hihi. Well, life's nt great. Hmmm, nth much has changed for the better but, less the facttt Habiibul too slack with my studies, all is well.

Having this strange insomnia since whoever noes when, nth to do and laid down on my bed trying hard to slp but cldnt. Screw this seriously. Hahahaa damn it, had some wonderful wise quotes in my mind earlier but I kinda forgotten all abt them alrdy... Lemme recall.. Ahh!!

Ok not having wise quotes actually, jus remb smth to bitch abt... Hmmm yea, been wondering abt smth vexing, m I too full of myself or m I having the correct thoughts. Y is it tt I'm always always working for ppl whom I deemed as a less capable human? Or rather, y m I always taking instructions from ppl who are less capable than me, y is my world always like this?!

Thinking back... Since army times, I take instructions from Olvl grad, unrecognized diploma holder, a strange m**, and blabla. All of which I deemed as inferior to mi. I grind my teeth in vexation. Cursing and swearing into my pillows in frustration. I was always unhappy wif things, always wanting to prove myself to b superior. But, I didn think tt I succeeded at all.... I left wif unhappiness but oh well.

Moving forward, I worked under a bunch of unsophisticated aunties afterwards, who cared nth much more than gossiping , backstabing every1 and enduring till 530pm everyday. I didn feel anything then but I certainly wasn't feeling VERy happy.

Nxt I worked undera few **enahs. Whom I totally didn give a damn abt, nxt, I worked under a *****pino stucked in a storeroom. Then, a group of strange, uneducated uncles who thought tt they are the heartbeat of a great organization( nt forgetting to add on, having ultimately poor sense of judgement and organization but excellent in covering backsides, not)

Lastly, I'm working under some strange dude hu can't speak eng fluently, talks to himself almost for the whole day, gets flustered easily and to top it off, loves criticizing other ppl and perpetually failing to look at his own capabilities. Also, a ********pino who is easily daunted, can't speak properly, loves pushing the blame to others.

Phew quite a long list over there. Looking thru, there are only 3 possibilities,

(1) I'm severely overestimating myself, they Are more than qualified to order me ard

(2) this is the only kind of job tt will employ this kind of lousy job applicant(me)

(3) I've been really unlucky to be unable to find a good job with good superiors who deserve my respect

Well well, I'm sure I will be able to answer tt in due time. Till then, I will cling on to life.!!!

C

Ahh much whining donee. Gonna try gg back to slp bb!!

up to the date.

ahh. been a short while and am updating cuz i cant slp.

hmm where was i? ok my contract wif the resort worlds sentosa ended w/o much of a high note and i definitely didn leave wif a smile. but nonetheless, looking back, jus a job =)

kk so i got back my results and done my course registration and stuff, am looking forward to the new start of the school term! not.

haha just kidding myself, i hate studying seriously. i love doing nth, but i always regret after tt=/ ohh well contradictary, tts humane nth more nth less.

a short update on today, watched the dumb movie called Lao niu chi nen cao, as mentioned earlier, its a dumb movie wif a dumb main lead but was kinda saved by the female lead. hahah the story plot is very dumb as well. BUT i wonder why, i kinda, got dragged into the movie as in, i felt as tho i took a tour in tt created virtual world and i left reality for an hour or so.

been a while since i had this feeling but i haf to say it doesnt feel good cuz i noe im in another world, this world, which i kinda hate. but its a lil refreshing if i really gotta put it in words.
well well, strange phenomenal ( yea i looked up the dictionary to spell this word)
hmm not much of inspiration to write today so...tts it for now. laters.=)



random sad notes: with the mood to chat and talk abt my life, without the partner to do so=) jus great. hahaa

screw me.

i realli hate myself.





if my son is like me. i wld definitely feel like giving him 1 punch in his face to make him wake up his idea. got my results ytd. its kinda like way better than my expectations. i was shocked, i didn noe how to react. i wanted to share my joy but i am too afraid of wad others might think. I am happy and yet sad. contented yet disappointed.


all these humane emotions, i wish i didn haf em. kk back to the part wher i realli hate myself.


(1) im bloody rude sometimes. im totally not fit to be impolite to anybody cuz im jus a nobody. (rhymes huh. =D)

(2) i hate hearing negative comments. which is vital for improvement.( somewhat bloody annoying)

(3) im sometimes so full of myself, when im such an imperfect creation.

(4) i get nervous and stressed up quite easily and i hate to admit it. wad a loser. GOsh roll eyes left rite up down.

(5) i jus suck la. srsly. jus F off and rot 1 corner can.?


kkkk so update on recent stuff. i always let things go at crucial moments and regretting it later, den wad. wad can i do? y is this brainless dog like this!?


it kinda revolves ard the same topic but i guess i shall elaborate on my emotions. jus for the record.

->i was afraid wad ppl might think.
~i did great for some of my subjects and i was proud of it. im concerned abt some of my frens but i am afraid tt they thought im a bzbody and is trying to compare results for no &$@* reason. Thus i jus kept to myself. much as i wanted some to praise me, i had to keep it in, with the person's feelings in mind.

->I am happy and yet sad
~i am happy tt i passed, very happy. but very sad to realize tt, there is nth waiting for me. there is nth to claim even after clearing this great hurdle. wad awaits me, i dont see it.

-> im contented, yet disappointed.
~im contented wif the passes i get, but disappointed to the maximum level tt no1. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE praised me for it. i guess they jus thought tt im a show off but, i dun think i am, OK?! at the end of the day. i jus need some1. just any1 to pat me on the back at least to tell me" you did great." tt wld haf sufficed.

would i trade failing and having loads of ppl to console me or passing wif no1 giving a damn abt my score? im seriously thinking of which 1 to choose. damn


arhh ok ok will stop whining for now. cya

so far so not good.=)

heehee life's been nt very nice but am still clinging on to it desperately. lets see wad will happen next... hmm few wise words for the day, i aint sure if any1 else said it b4, but i swear tt is wad came to my mind today

(1) if you dont hear ur colleagues telling you ur bad points, tt means they are talking abt it behind ur back.

(2) Having common sense, does not mean tt u are intelligent, u are jus lucky tt wad u jus did was correct. u might not be able to solve the nxt problem. (kinda abstract but try to understand wad im trying to imply)

(3) Every1 is clumsy and not talented at some areas, its definitely ok.

(4) If u are thinking y cant ppl be more like u, get it right, its just becuz u are the best creation from god.

(5) u feel tt im either deaf or having a poor command of english, while i feel tt u haf poor articulation and u speak too softly. So who is right?

lalala kinda nt very happy wif some stuff but aint got no mood to write them down here. i shall try my best to write abt some happy stuff by the nxt entry =)

go go fighting!

bad day.

why do bad things always happen back to back. i just had some problems ytd and the day b4 ytd. and today smth bad of mayb a greater magnitude happened today. for now i can only pray tt there will nt be any repercussions from these incidents which happened recently.

hurhur. im in a very bad mood today so i thought tt i wanted to blog abt smth but apparantly im kinda speechless now =/ so, time for some songs alrite? =)

its been a long while since i came ard,
its been a while since im back in town,
this time im not leaving without you..

bye.