LONG LONG LONG POST.

=.=if every change in this world is reversible. isnt it wonderful? there wun be pain of losing things, but in exchange, ppl will no longer cherish wad they haf.
lol some simple incident made me thought abt this kinda shit.. my mum did some stupid adjustments to my shirt which i kinda cherished when i didn ask her to. pissed mi off to the max=.= irreversible change=.= i noe its initiative, wnana help mi, or wadever.. but i cant help it. REALLY DAMN PISSED, now.=.=

bleh wadever. hmm think its time to do some recap for this stupid 2008.=.=

JANUARY 2008
lets see.. haha was happy to spend my new yr wif my frens drinking at clark quay. HAD REAL FUN! haha mhao mhan angsiang seaN. =) tts b4 my life changed zzzZ
120108 tt fateful day, i dragged myself to this stupid pasir ris bus interchange & was brought to this hellish place.=.= full of uneasiness & i jus followed the flow.. haiz not forgetting the sadness when i see my mum leave me. tt pain.. is real. yea yea so i went on to a new phase of my life & got all my hair shaven. the feeling of being hairless is, realli realli unforgettable.. i nv wanted to shave my hair ever again. tts the day when i stopped looking at mirrors. not forgetting how hard i tried to adapt to my new life w/o any frens for the first 5 days or so.. feels realli damn damnn out of place.. haiz.. hate adapting to new environment.=.=(thx to my stupid PS) assbitch

FEBUARY 2008
haha! this is the part of my life when i had high hopes abt my future & i finally saw wat i wanted. my dream was to at least be at the top few in my platoon, tts when i tried working hard & set my goals high.! tO OCS! haha yea i finally got used to army life. also, not forgetting.. the chinese new yr i spend wif zang, soon, jiahao,linkang, chengjie, daniao, junhui drinking at the stupid "Candy bar" or wadever u call it. haha tts the 1st time i puke until i cant recognize home. LOl
not forgetting how i returned back to sch to collect my results in my sweaty uniform & field pack & duffel bag.. haha yea i saw u then.. but i do not haf the courage to approach u. hm.. cuz i stink then? lol no la. jus cant forget smth. =/

MARCH 2008
kinda gif up hope in everything in life. zZz posted to SISPEC wif a bunch of ppl who jus slacked thru & seeing all those bootlickers fly high to OCS. not forgetting my shitty results & every shit tt brought my fighting spirit to the lowest point. ZZ haha 120308, POP LO! haha. cant forget how it feels like.. reali realli, i felt damn good. it rained heavily tt day. was dripping wet but i was realli very very ecstatic. duno y.. haha will remb all my sergeants regardless u hate mi or like mi or wadever. sgt khairul, sgt alvin, sgt shaoming , sergeant fazley!

APRIL 2008
days in Basic Section Leader Course wasnt ez.. esp wif my low morale when i stepped into sispec. well im in the same platoon as wenzong & ziqi. buT as usual, cant realli clique wif my room mates for the 1st few weeks. tts when i omos went crazy lol.. it realli sux to haf no frens=/ oh well cant forget the 2days1night field camp which felt so much so much worse than my previous 6days5nites field camp
tts when i realli thoght im gg die. lOL leopard crawling across a football field size field took a hell load of shit outta me. doing "fire & movement" for 5 or 6 times aint funny either. Zzz feels kinda lethagic & definitely low when im dripping of mud water frm my uniform.

MAY 2008
after much much torture from 2sg JJS, i somehow felt tt im realli much stronger than b4. at the very least i survived. =) tt guy lol.. attks both mental & physically, but luckily somehow. realli.. somehow i survived phew. uh the 28KM route march is realli omG. walking during midnite realli took the toll of me.. i actually almost walked into a tree & i cant stay with the platoon cuz my focus went away.. =/

JUNE 2008
i wear the CORPORAL rank wif pride as i think i realli worked to the bones for tt rank unlike some other ppl who jus cut corners here & there. mm i was posted back to the same company, staying in the place wher im used to, thus, adapting to the environment wasnt realli the problem. well , the first day of Advanced Section Leader Course was quite bad for mi as i was super tired running up & down helping to settle the admin stuff for my sergeants.
lol i tripped over 1 of the bags & i fell flat on my face. zZ too tired liao lah. when i booked out, was in a hurry, den tooked wrong guy's bag & kena scolded by him.=.= lol wad a day, i dun haf time to argue wif him cuz zhaoperng's dad waited for mi for 1hr ALRDY! wth=.=

JULY 2008
haha its the month of ur bday! lol i PURPOSELY didn wish u but oh well. i dun wan leh. i dun wan to be an idiot like b4. always doing this kind of shit tt makes u feel greater than mi. loL-.- uh uh i forgot u ok.
hmm ASLC is quite tough as we gotta learn more stuff than b4. TSR=.= omg keep failing. wun forget how i get confined here & there for stupid stuff SOC=.= IPPT =.=
haha i tried to stay low profile cuz i dun realli wan to haf any responsibilities. it sucks commanding ur frens. u wun noe wad tone to use. but somehow, my PC noticed mi. & kept calling mi. duno for wad=.= favourite phrase then, "! sir, but.. but.. i nv say anything.."
zzz mayb being exceptionally quiet caught his attention, zZZzz oh well
GRANDSLAM 2:
omg for starters, its a field camp=) haha wet wet, den dig dig dig frm morning till nxt morning.. nonstop=.= ive nv felt worse b4.. wads worse lol. b4 we move to our last place, we were wearing the wet uniform & staring into the dark grey clouds above us. our sgt told us to change into a new set of uniform. =.= i told him tt if we change now, we will get drenched & we wun haf anymore dry uniform to wear! z but he insisted tt we shld change..=.= WAD TO DO?! we changed.. when i was wearing my trousers, the rain came. i totally sian 1/2. ZZZ there goes our only dry uniform
kk den the nxt phase was to march past NTU to a campsite.. weehee in the middle of the nite when my morale was damn low, a group of girls sitting at a busstop outside NTU shouted "hey~ isnt tt the army guys?! defend our nation! press on!!~" OMG jus tt realli brightened up morale. LOl. i gathered my last energy & reached our campsite despite the pain on my feet.
uh tts when i reali learnt 1 thing.."pain can be endured. as long as ur leg is not broken, u can still move it despite how much pain u are experiencing"
=)

do not forget 32KM omg.. its ALSO ANOTHER GRUESOME EXPERIENCE.

JULY 25.. the day i went for starlight.. feels kinda sad to leave my family & suffer in a foreign land. wads worse, tts nth waiting for me back @ home.. no rewards even if i endured through it..

AUGUST 2008
STARLIGHT - omg realli cant get use to the weather there.=.= bunks are realli diff frm us.. haiz tts when i start to appreciate wad we haf. was appointed as the Leader for the platoon for the 1st few days=.= was shocked & i dont realli noe wad to do. zZzz. haf my own way of doing things. haha which not every1 can appreciate. wel wadever, somehow, i managed to get thru..its hard tho. =/
haha reali i swear.. the WARRIOR. is realli omg. rain.. den BIG BIG SUN.. omg but its fun tho. LOL.. the 1st nite out in the forest.. REALLI omg. wet wet wet. somemore at nite, on top of a mountain..1 thing to say.. COLD. FREEZING.omg tts 1 of the 1st times im shivering until i cant slp at nite.. my frens ard me are shivering too. ZZZ realli leh i realli thought im gg die frm hyperthermia... loL quite an experience bah.. cant realli let every1 understand but. realli the word "WARRIOr" suits the experience.

HAHA Rest & R***** SHIOK~ went to take roller coaster for the 1st time & iwas realli sCARED. lol.~! the feeling of losing control of ur own body & falling down is real scary~! haha.
bought quite a few shirt there & went clubbing twice at nite. lOL got caught but =D fun experience la! damn fun!

yea.. when i reach back singapore, i feel.. a lack of belongingness.. everyday in starlight, i wish tt i can go home soon, but.. when im finally back, i did realli feel anything, izzit bcoz no one missed me? izzit becoz no 1 picked mi up at the airport? no1 noes i went overseaS? haiz, i think its all of the above.
Got my Sergeant rank & my sergeant told mi b4 i passout, " i think u are one of the better trainees i haf. Ppl will like u wherever u are. continue this way & i think u will do well in future" haha im realli happy.. i think its the 1st time ppl said tt to mi.. for the first time, i felt useful.. slightly..thank u. sgt thomas.
thank u.. all my room mates! lin shen, kritboon, luosheng, kevin, mengxiang, yijia, khairil, brandon & even tianyu LOL. u guys realli rockX.. relac corner. HAHA cant forget la! zz

SEPTEMBER 2008
uh was posted to Bmt to be an instructor there. um was like a dream come true for mi! hahA september 4th.. LOL any1 noe wad tt date means to me? zzz was in camp on tt day.=.= hugging my fone.. counting how many actually remb. hmm quite very disappointing! uh 050908, mhao organize 1 bbq. haha i went & met most of my frens there.uh but more like. they oni remb his bday.. kinda jealous but oh wadever, i didn realli organize any bbq. gotta thank him realli. mayb he remb. he is a nice fren bah i think he is the onli 1 who remembered.
so sry mhao.. if u see this.. i didn get u a present..im reali sry.. in camp! =.=
yea yea sian sian sad sad. NO PRESENTS THIS YR OK? zz wadever man. no frens wad.

kk went back & took my 1st batch of recruits. kinda like interact wif them cuz i think they are kind of cute & funny ppl =)

OCTOBER 2008
ah this month.. im bz bz educating this bunch of ppl. haiz.. kinda tough job for mi cuz im new & they dun realli care abt wad i say=.= bleh assholes.

NOVEMBER 2008
their field camp. haha they are kind of weak in the mind.. contrary to my expectations.. lOl i wun 4get.. loads of them complain & even cried due to some hard ship=.= zZz we didn realli punish them alot leh... but zzz guess their mind are not correctly tuned=/ haha i got used to the clean clean uniform & felt INCREDIBLY uncomfortable by the slightest bit of sweat & mud. lOL compared to previously i simply lie down on the ground & sleep wif many days of no bathe. LOL.

DECEMBER 2008
tt bunch of assholes finally POP lo! haha quite a pity tho.. wanted to take a few fotos wif them to keep since they are my 1st batch.=/ but didn get a chance to. hmm wad a waste.. well december is a festive month.. went out alot of times & spend aLOT OF $$.

on some random day, saw my previous instructors in SISPEC. when i was doing some "sai gang"
he jus gave a comment, "chaoyi! why u doing this? i tot u quite up 1?" zz i duno if he is sarcastic or wad but tt comment realli made mi think. "yes..y? y am i doing this? my performance was rated good when i was in training sch. y.. y am i now in such a situation where i wasnt put to good use?" mayb the later part i may be rather arrogant. but oh well. im me, its my oppinion.
really leh. i dun feel tt im any inferior to those who are appointed wif higher & more impt duties. so.. why? why is the same thing happening again? no matter how much hard work i put it, nobdy notices? no results are seen.. y do i work hard for? =.= demoralized..
i started to develope this mentality "since ndby will notice my hard work anw, y not jus slack off. makes no diff anyway?"
z but on the other side of mi, i wanted to show tt im useful, im realli good, they shld regret not promoting mi. zZz wadever man. i guess i will jus act according to instincts lo. realli leh. main thing is i didn get promotion is simply due to the fact that, i came into the wrong place @ the wrong time.. they jus do not need another guy to take tt place at the moment. =.= wth why.. why am i the onli unlucky one. why am i owaes so unlucky. why mi? =.= why did i owaes did not achieve wad i wan?z ah forget it.

24th Dec. did smth crazy. cuz on 23rd DEc, i was on Duty... & i kept slping.. i duno y, i dreamt of u. lol like wth? after so long? haha same here. i had the same thinking. i tot i forgot all abt u ZZZ at the moment of impulse, right after i reach home, i went to look for ur address. zz the method, nobdy wanna noe. lol its REAL crazy.. i cant even comprehend wad im doing too
yea yea went out to buy some present for u. cant think of wad to write on the card cuz. there is reaLLY REALLY too many things to write for u. too many things i wanted to say but u didn gif mi the chance to say. well i think i sorta can guess how u feel. i feel inferior of myself too.
i cant think of a better way to gif u the present.. cuz i think, no i noe u dun wanna see mi.. haha so i did wad i did!
yea yea u msged mi & i realli cant understand wad u truly meant. im angry, ur first reaction wasnt a thank u. & u didn even thank me at all.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wadever la. at least i made an appearance. take it as i threw $ into the drain ? i dun care. at all..
NOW.im angry again! of my mum.. ZZZ my SHIRT!!!!!!!!! $$$$ no more $$$$ to buy new shirt la!! wah lau!!!!

YEA YEA now im back at home recovering frm all the $ i wasted this month.

lol

=/ nth much to do at home. haha quite tired frm ytd=/ oh well slept the whole day & realized.."oh jus another day." zz oh well cya haf fun~

did some silly things which i duno why i wanna do oso. lol but oh well=.= the thought is not realli reciprocated but.. kind of expected it. LOL wth. izzit tt scary?

OH well~ like i gif a damn.=D

REWINDD... REWINDDD...

ohoh. ytd went out wif the old old kranji clique. haha. quite long since i last see them but oh well they are doing fine & i am doing fine too=/ had quite some fun eating & toking cock & drinking some coffee @ TCC. haha they are too engrossed in toking cock until the staff start to look here look there zzz. oh well. take note, i used the word "THEY". haha cuz i didn haf much to say since my life is realli like revolving ard SAF SAF =.= & now im SAD.=.= felt so outcasted from this society. sian. oh well somehow managed to stay alive.
after tt went to drinkkkkkkkkkkk abit abit & my frens drank quite abit. haha. well 1 thing, im getting lousier & lousier at drinking..-.- oh well less tolerance to alcohol=.= weak ass me.

uh so talked quite abit of cock here there & find out some HOLY OMG secrets abt my frens. lol ok they are good ! kk den kinded ended the day quite lamely. went back to eat some supper & went back home.

take care bro, some things u dun haf to say it out for mi to understand ur situation, i may seem tt i duno anything but actually i do. haha, stay strong~

kkk tts all for u ppl. thx for reading.. byE~

TITLE.

rather free recently after 3 months of hectic rushing here & there. im still the same me. didn change. thinking back.. 1 yr ago, this time.. hmm shld be working lol & bz thinking of ppl at the same time trying very hard to get ppl to go out wif me. lOL!

this yr this time. i got tired of beggin ppl to go out & im sleeping all day long lol. so didn improve, deproved. well met a hell lot more ppl as compared to previously, but oh well, generally im still in a fairly screwed up situation.

haha year is ending soon, am afraid of wads coming up nxt.. the feeling of anxiety & unsettledness is in me now. duno y, bcoz nxt yr, this date, i gotta start deciding for wad i wan to do abt myself again. No one is going to choose wad i gotta do for me anymore. zzzZz i think i can be addressed as an "adult" soon enuf.. zz now i realli wish to stop growing man. lol. quite a childish thought but. YES. TTS ENUF. I DUN HAF TO GROW ANYMORE!

well well random tots cuz im jus too bored at home blah blah. gotta update a SUMMARY haha for this yr in a few weeks time ! =x cya