Perspective.

It's the same qn I've asked b4. I probably didn expect myself to grow up to become like this, accidentally read my own blogpost frm when I was 16.? Like again.-_- haha good to do some reflection every now and den isn't it. Heh. That angry kid is still pretty much not happy wif his life even after so many years. Izzit bcoz of my perspective of life or did my life rly sucked so much. I don't noe. But well I don't think anyone wld be able to give the right answer.
Age has caught up to me. I find myself trying to preach so frequently, I wld rly wonder if they are able to comprehend my viewpoint cuz normally I wld jus think tt them ppl(ppl trying up preach) are jus bullshitting, they are not me after all, their life examples don't necessarily apply tO mine.and so I wld jus shut off my ears while at the same time exclaim "pui. Lowly humans trying to teach me smth.? Get a grip" . Ahhhh. Doesn't matter eh, just saying anw. Not like I'm trying to make a difference in ur lives or smth hahaha.so jus take it wif a pinch of salt yea? But jus so u noe, I'm a truly wise person. Hahahaha

Alright.!! Life's been... pretty much the same, the sleepiness and laziness plus them beer. Feels nice but I noe tt can't last. Get a grip cy. Get up, live life. Tts it for now.

Sometimes I jus can't get used to these loneliness. But I noe tt it is probably wad I need tt wld most likely lead me to my success.
And I sincerely hope tt I'm right on this, for I can't afford to make any more mistakes... Not even them minor ones.

Days like these

when u decided to leave smth for ur  own good, be it ppl, workplace, or Wadever, smth tt u noe u wldve been better if ure better off w/o it. The first thing to do is to cut off or at least reduce the emotional attachment to the minimal. Tt way, the hawk wldve been able to soar to greater heights and not be tied down to the things on earth.
Pondering a lot these days, wanting to stop totally but I don't think I will be able to handle all tt freee time and I don't think I can make myself live wif tt miserable amt of money. It's like once uve experienced freedom, u wldnt wanna go back to wad u were b4 u experienced it. Financially tt is. Tt feeling of having to control ur spending a cuz u don't haf excess money. The scrimping and saving omg. No. But then... These is taking up too much of my energy and time. It wldve been perfect if I'm able to get an equilibrium but.. I don't think it's possible tho. I've asked for it too many times, and I've nv ever attained it.
Times like these. Like now, this very moment, I... Jus wanted to study wif but I don't haf anyone to. Makes me miss those days which hmm... I didn took it for granted, but yea missed those days wher I haf some1 to study wif. Argh. And now..... Wad shld I do now. I feel so unmotivated. Tt passion I had died long ago and Dere's nth much I cld do. I always feel slp deprived and tt sucked cuz when I needa study or work, I feel damn drowsy. And when I can slp, I'm wide awake.
Agh wads my main point, k yea I wanna study but I don't haf anyone to study wif, I needa wake up but I kept sleeping.  I wanna quit and I'm pretty much done removing all my feelings wif anything related to tt place.

Alive.

On that day, humanity recieved a grim reminder, even the strongest will fall.

Heh. Been real sick these few days. Tts wad happens when one seldom falls sick and when it comes, I can barely tolerate all these.
So theoretically, I've alrdy recovered since... Hmm no fever, no more sore throat. So... Y am I still feeling so drowsy, weak and lack of appetite. Uhh... I pretty much want to sleep all day and jus do nth, like I usually do.?

Hmm nth much to write again. Perhaps I'm jus outta the mood these days. So.. Tts it for now. A new week so.. I needa buck up

different.

it jus feels tt different between holding on to smth and being held onto. when ure given the chance to make a choice, the power to decide. tt felt much better, then again, sometime later, im bound to regret my decisions anw.

haha. so met up wif my frens to haf dinner, hmm been a long while since we met and its nice to talk for a bit, joke ard, laugh ard. i tried my best to laugh as much as i cld cuz, i dont think i will haf much of these kind of enjoyment. and im q thankful tt they actually accomodated wif my preference and not jus simply going to some coffee shop. which... they seems to be so fond of. lOL

i laughed, i smiled, i went crazy for a little while, so.. today wasnt tt bad after all =)

Alternate life

Went to sch wif a tired body as usual. My soul doesn't seem to attach well wif my body nowadays. Took naps and had weird dreams. Lol I wonder if it's cuz of those random tots frm ytd, abt alternate lives? Like how my life wldve been different if I had made different decisions at those crucial junctures.
Yea, I.. Had those vivid dreams tt sort of... Depicts the possible scenerio if I'd made another decision, it feels so real and at the same time heart wrenching cuz... Ahh how to say, tt feeling of regret, loss and argh. It's okay. I don't regret any of my decisions, it was a gamble after all and... Tt dreamt scenerio, was jus a possible scenerio, it may or may not happen even if I did made the decision. Hahahaha I wonder if I'm making any sense. But well Tryta understand while I will try to edit it later to make it make more sense hahaha.

Yea jus a random thought tt kinda disturbed my brain earlier. But generally, I'm. alrdy the way I am now, emotionless. So, nth great nth bad. Life will jus slowly pass by while I will continue waiting for someone to make me alive again.

Peace.

Life's pretty peaceful ytd and today. Nth big nth saddening. Perhaps letting go is like opening the door to a another life. Instead of constantly suffering alone , constantly helping wher nobdy noes. Tiring. Saddening. But well well, I can live now like a normal person. Sch was hyper boring, I'll always constantly reproach myself, why didn I why didn I. Why did I not choose to hang on, perhaps my life wldve been so diff right at this moment.

I wldve been working in some firm, wearing tt formal attire, stressing frm all the workload, bowing down to my managers and directors, prolly clients as well. Haha giving presentations, gg out for drinks wif colleagues. Ahh. Tt alternate life tt I cldve.... It's.. So different. But well since it's alr like this due to my own choices, I can't complain much. Nth is all bad as I've always said. I will be able to get smth out of this chilling. I've got a lifetime to work after all.

I wanted to tell u tt I passed.! Tt I'm.. Alive and I'm living strong. But I guess, u don't need to noe anymore since we're alr in different worlds, u are living the life tt u wanted. While I.. Am living the life which is the result of my actions.

I'll live long. I'll live strong. I've alrdy moved on.

I'm at peace .:)

sleep.

as sleepy as ever. how am i supposed to survive waking up at ard 6+ everyday in future. gah

so..these few days were fine. went clubbing on sat and even tho i haf assholes who pangseh-ed at the last minute, and the original plan went slightly off, it went on well enuf.
how to say.. am i not supposed to get angry? am i supposed to forgive and forget unconditionally? if u arent interested in going, just say so at the start, esp for these kind of group outings where the no. rly matters since i needa book tables and all.

u needa go service ur vehicle? who does tt at night.
ur fking gf needs u? bitch pls u got 364 days wif her, i jus needed ur presense for a few hours. and to the fking gf, if u think he's gonna misbehave in clubs or smth, look closer, he aint got enuf.
ure sick.? how timely.and u expect me to believe u.

i duno. i wanted to think rationaly but im quite angry cuz i rly planned it out properly since few weeks ago. to think tt my carefully planned out event could almost break like tt.
well nonetheless, even wif my tired brain and thinned troops, we went and rly had fun =)
noona. LOL.

i spent my monday worrying. abt tues. haha it sucks but i just lived thru tt state whereby u dont look forward to tml and u noe u need the slp to do well.
uh so ytd, i finally passed my driving test. BARELY. it rly sucks tt u alr noe all the stuff but ure still judged for the sake of being judged. i did well but ppl jus liked commenting and just wanted to bring u down just coz. ahh was rly rly rly super happy tt i dont hafta be judged again but its the 3rd time im taking the test which.... isnt rly smth to be proud of so... i guess i shld jus.. contain my happiness and live life as per norm.

you.still u.

oh side note! i realised my english was kinda bad in the previous posts but pls uds tt im always writing it like in the middle of the night when my brains nt rly working and i wld edit the sentence here and dere which resulted in improper sentence structure? i will edit it to make it better every once in a while. haha