What gOod am I.

Results are out. And I'm fked. As usual. Lol. Made me totally look like a fool in a sense tt, U noe, I lost everything. U, cfa, job, I've got none of em now.what now. I don't know. I've got myself to blame of Cuz. Being half hearted in everything, then yes, fuck me. Fuck this.

And I'm jus gonna go to sleep yea.

round and round.

it seems that ive always been going in circles. rejecting that job offer, going back to tt job, leaving her and den begging to go back to her, i hope none of these kind of things wld continue gg on tho. cause it really sucks to go back to the place wher u left.


so... going for that interview on wed. hope tt it wldn be a bad choice. enduring a year or so, doing smth which ive always wanted to, enduring and get my life forward. i wld love it tt way.


i tot to myself this afternoon. yea, im done with letting go of the past. even when i think abt it, it doesnt hurt no more. so im hoping these continues, and den ill be able to sincerely begin a new chapter with new characters in it, wif a better story plot this time.


tt...wld be all for now.


will update real soon

continuous.

argh. been a few days without any news frm any employers, ok theres 1 tt required me to do a writeup.. lol tts pretty fked up tho, cuz.... u noe.. writing.. hmm anw, yup. still living, still healthy and all.


my fone decided to haf some problems and thankfully tt i can borrow my mum's 'spare' fone. of cuz its not as handy as my own one but... lets hope tt my own phone can come back quickly. in a day or two.


so.... yea tts all for now.? nt much happenings for me update stuff

death and strawberry.(unrequested vacation)

k nth much to do with strawberries but its jus extracted frm bleach lol.


anw, time to update bout the funeral, i guess.


erms received the news on last sunday morning and its been helluva week, went back to my hometown? k more like my mom's hometown to attend the funeral of my grandfather who, is finally able to leave his weakened suffering physical shell and left this world. well, its rly saddening but at the same time, i dont noe, perhaps its mercy tt he's able to end all the suffering as he'd been suffering frm various illness and is barely conscious of his behaviors for a couple of years, requiring the aid of his children to take care of him for every single needs ( feeding, bowel discharging, urinating etc)


i would say, none of any sane human being wld wanna live in tt state, being a burden and all, so i wld say, tt is prolly a relief for my dear grandfather. to, stop relying on other ppl, and move on to another world with a better self.


rest in peace. i hope tt u will haf a good afterlife and if possible, get reborn and live again? cuz life is really beautiful. my dear grandpa.




tt said, i dont think i deserve to shed a tear. cuz ive been absent frm his life for a good 10+ years. lazinesss, and many other reasons made me stop going back to visit my relatives. i always blamed my parents for not being close to their brothers and thus making us not close to my relatives. i guess i also haf a part to play cuz i'd always, always chose not to go back for convenience sake. and, well i pretty much grew up without contact with any of my cousins, uncles, aunties, grandparents. its pretty ironic tt, u see ppl frm all over, gathering at the funeral after 10 odd years. like, why is it tt no one bothers gathering b4 anyone leave this world. why would u only choose to come back only after he has died and then grief about his departure.


why is it tt none of u, make sure to get everyone tgt, and let him enjoy the warmth of the big family tt he deserved.


tt said, of cuz, im equally guilty. but i hope tt this will serve as a good reminder to everyone present. tt the warmth of the family, despite the fact tt we didn meet for so many years, didn dissipate one bit.


so yup. im sorry, for being an ass. for being not worthy of shedding a tear. for forgeting all the bonds i had with u ppl. so thank u. with ur death, i hope tt im not the only one who learnt this lesson of togetherness. i will connect with ur family tt u used ur whole life to built and ill be sure to make sure im part of it. and, ill take gd care of ur eldest daughter( tts my mum) heh.








goodbye, sorry. thank u and please take care.

the reunion.?

downing instant laksa noodles atm. perhaps its a hint of the taste of heaven.


recieved the ill news of the fact tt my grandfather passed away this morning, which is...a pretty heavy topic which i will touch on on another day.


just gonna be talking bout the gathering today. so my fren's gf organized a "surprise" bday celebration for him and it jus seemed to be a class gathering for them. lol, since I wasn't in the same class and all. nonetheless, well i came with a heavy heart but i guess it turned out pretty ok, tho i was damn grumpy and all.
well surprisingly xy came, like thru all those coincidences, xh's gf noes her as well and thus invited her. and heck, sadly exactly like 5 years ago, izzit 5, or 6. well the thing is exactly like so many yrs ago, when i did badly for my alvls and didn haf the confidence to face u, i cant even secure a gd job today tt wld gif me enuf confidence to face u again. tt sucked so damn much.lol. like...will i ever haf the courage, will i ever haf the chance to face all those tt got away " hey, im doing well."
perhaps yes, perhaps not. but nonetheless, i rly wanted tt. so, this will be the driving force for me to push forward.

and tear all those in my way.

glad tt i went too, a good wake up call for this guy stucked in a loserish shell.

the dark night.

on the darkest nights, in the loneliest days, and till i found someone new, ill think of u. tts my promise. to myself.


teh heh.


okay. so heres whats up, a week since the parties ended and nope, still no news at all and i practically rotted myself at home. lol due to the lack of cash and all. spent it all in a day, thus the confinement. Zzzz. and i hope tt i wont spend it all again this sunday jus cuz i had to hang out with my fren to "celebrate" his bday which i didn felt like gg but i thought, i shld rly get out and interact with ppl no matter what.


well of cuz its because the organizer is actually his gf, so its gonna be a pretty "fake" outing, lol i duno what word wouldve been appropriate tho but lets just keep to fake for now. cuz u noe, when u haf unfamiliar ppl in the grp, one tends to behave differently(no matter how slightly tt wldve been) and yea. tts wads gonna happen. and of cuz not to mention tt this bunch of ppl ignoredddddddddd my query on whether they wanna hang out for NYE.


i am the kind who wld really rmb these kinda stuff, and yea i am offended even tho i knew they had other plans on, all i wanted was just a fking reply " like hey sry man" and shit but well, the power of silence. nonetheless, its not enuf to make me hate them lol. after all we've been thru sOoo much tgt. im jus slightly piqued okay.


well well one week passed meaninglessly, but look forward to the next? cuz u nv know wad wld be in store for u tml.


yay;)

The 2015

all them parties haf ended, ( and i shall not create more). ive reached the limit, i needed a job like now. lol anw, the job search is pretty vexing these days as i rly didn see any jobs of interest.


nonetheless, i mus keeep searching and nv give up.


aww. nth much to say for now loL! k