Annyeong haseyo! Kyo wa Ore no otanjobi desu ne.!!
Haha had been doing a lot of soul searching these few days. Cuz I was really cOnsidering whether I wanna stay for he job or not. Wif no one to confide in wif no one to Advice me, I'm literally on my own. The present I wanted to give myself this year was supposed to be "freedom".
But apparantly, I chose to stay(for awhile) I was nv really able to make a choice. I really wanted to spend more time to study and relax myself and stuff. But my financial accounts were telling me not to. While I'm always very depressed when I haf to go to work since I've lost my "prince" position.:( haha used to call myself prince since my colleagues will really suffer if I chose not to work and since I'm like one of the most experience workers ard, i felt tt I was really indispensable.
Well, things changed, owner changed many things changed. My presnce felt small and insignificant. All them managers wif a few yrs of experience came pressing me due to the fact tt my boss decided to hand over ownership. U noe wad it feels like.? I'm like a loyal warrior serving the same country but to a different ruler. Haha I noe it's kinda funny but ya, warriors from the previous dynasty shld take their retreat eh.? Am I wrong.?
Well things holding me back are generally money. While things pulling me away.? So damn many reasons. Well well after announcing tt I wanna leave suddenly, I spoke to one of e managers and damned, my heart swayed. I chose to stay throughout the week and I foresee tt I'm quite interested to staying longer. Zzzzzzz=.=. Well we'll see how this scenerio turns out.!
Monday, September 03, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
ME.
Was feeling really really horrible 2days ago when I knocked off frm work.
Haha was really unhappy abt a lot of stuff recently and the main reason tt ticked me off was bcuz of this colleague of mine, to b exact, superior, whom didn manage to earn my respect kept picking on stuff which I didn do well. URE RIGHT. Totally right. I'm a really lousy employee. I duno why I haf the cheek to talk back and even ignored all tt she said but, I somehow reacted to my instincts. So I jus showed some attitude and went home.
I was really angry abt a lot of things, I wont say tt she is not at fault totally but, I deserve to be shot and I'm really at fault to a greater extend. I didn really noe wad caused me to lose my temper(to b honest, I'm actually quite good at controlling my temper) but, yea I totally lost it recently. I did some reflection on my way home tho. At first I was thinking, "why am I always in this situation. Why do I always haf to work under ppl who don't deserve my respect". Den suddenly,I tried to recall if there is any of my superior in which I really showed respect to. I'm thinking, probably none. Which could seriously mean tt the problem lies wif me. "I am not as good as I thought I am. And I don't show proper respect to any1 and tt is why, I'm always so fed up wif my job" and so it led me to think tt mayb it's the same wif my life. I'm really hating a lot of things in my life, my job, my frens, my family. Like I wld always feel tt they haf some bad points which I really hate. But I'm still living wif it but not feeling really happy wif tt.
Am I expecting too much? Am I worthy enuf to expect so much frm ppl, why am I so unhappy abt my life. Do I really hate these things ard me.? Or do I hate myself tt I trapped myself in these horrible shit. Ya, the more I think abt it, the more horrible I feel, jus den, u msged me. LOL. Like oh wow, needless to say, I felt better after talking to u. Tho I didn wanna let other ppl noe of all the problems I'm facing but, jus talking abt all the unnecessary stuff wif u made me happier. Tho it's like a short and sweet dream, thx anyway.
Ya special thx to AS who talked abit wif me as well. Haha was really at a very low point den but, perhaps I jus wanted to talk to sombdy. Anybdy. Oh wells now, I will try my Best to welcome tml wif a smile. I'll really.. Try. Please lemme b happy.!.
Haha was really unhappy abt a lot of stuff recently and the main reason tt ticked me off was bcuz of this colleague of mine, to b exact, superior, whom didn manage to earn my respect kept picking on stuff which I didn do well. URE RIGHT. Totally right. I'm a really lousy employee. I duno why I haf the cheek to talk back and even ignored all tt she said but, I somehow reacted to my instincts. So I jus showed some attitude and went home.
I was really angry abt a lot of things, I wont say tt she is not at fault totally but, I deserve to be shot and I'm really at fault to a greater extend. I didn really noe wad caused me to lose my temper(to b honest, I'm actually quite good at controlling my temper) but, yea I totally lost it recently. I did some reflection on my way home tho. At first I was thinking, "why am I always in this situation. Why do I always haf to work under ppl who don't deserve my respect". Den suddenly,I tried to recall if there is any of my superior in which I really showed respect to. I'm thinking, probably none. Which could seriously mean tt the problem lies wif me. "I am not as good as I thought I am. And I don't show proper respect to any1 and tt is why, I'm always so fed up wif my job" and so it led me to think tt mayb it's the same wif my life. I'm really hating a lot of things in my life, my job, my frens, my family. Like I wld always feel tt they haf some bad points which I really hate. But I'm still living wif it but not feeling really happy wif tt.
Am I expecting too much? Am I worthy enuf to expect so much frm ppl, why am I so unhappy abt my life. Do I really hate these things ard me.? Or do I hate myself tt I trapped myself in these horrible shit. Ya, the more I think abt it, the more horrible I feel, jus den, u msged me. LOL. Like oh wow, needless to say, I felt better after talking to u. Tho I didn wanna let other ppl noe of all the problems I'm facing but, jus talking abt all the unnecessary stuff wif u made me happier. Tho it's like a short and sweet dream, thx anyway.
Ya special thx to AS who talked abit wif me as well. Haha was really at a very low point den but, perhaps I jus wanted to talk to sombdy. Anybdy. Oh wells now, I will try my Best to welcome tml wif a smile. I'll really.. Try. Please lemme b happy.!.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Moving on
its been um a week? since i last contacted u.yea and u didn bothered keeping in contact wif me as well. im realli surprised tho. how did u managed to live on so well, how did u manage to make me fall so deep for u w/o u feeling anything for me. haha. life sux right?
1 argument could be, ure also waiting for me to take the initiative while the other is tt u jus felt tt "phew wad a relieve, this piece of shit is finally away frm me"
well well its better to be the pessimist now. ill jus um, take the defensive move now alright, to prevent myself from being hurt further.
prolly 1 thing worth mentioning, hmm i duno when it is, one of the days last week i suppose, i was, as usual, drinking the shit out of the beer and stuff, i randomly whatsapp lai**. =) ya a nice girl who realli, kinda saved me. was drowning myself in the sea of anchor and realli drinking the shit outta myself,and somehow, she stopped me. den i realized. the reason i fell for her was bcoz when she talks, she sounds like lai**, who realli managed to make me smile, no matter how screwed up i felt.
hmm sadly lai** didn reply me the nxt day and u didn as well. but, i realli wanna thank u. lai**. u reali saved me tt night. thank you so much. annnnnd ! im gonna go back to my drunk state! byebye! hah
1 argument could be, ure also waiting for me to take the initiative while the other is tt u jus felt tt "phew wad a relieve, this piece of shit is finally away frm me"
well well its better to be the pessimist now. ill jus um, take the defensive move now alright, to prevent myself from being hurt further.
prolly 1 thing worth mentioning, hmm i duno when it is, one of the days last week i suppose, i was, as usual, drinking the shit out of the beer and stuff, i randomly whatsapp lai**. =) ya a nice girl who realli, kinda saved me. was drowning myself in the sea of anchor and realli drinking the shit outta myself,and somehow, she stopped me. den i realized. the reason i fell for her was bcoz when she talks, she sounds like lai**, who realli managed to make me smile, no matter how screwed up i felt.
hmm sadly lai** didn reply me the nxt day and u didn as well. but, i realli wanna thank u. lai**. u reali saved me tt night. thank you so much. annnnnd ! im gonna go back to my drunk state! byebye! hah
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
the sequel
uhh. nth special but jus an update about my life. i strongly believed that i shldve updated some weeks or days back but apparently it seems to b abt a month ago.
okay! umm basically i went back to some place to work. uh kinda dumb but tt place was my previous workplace and since they're permanently short handed, i jus went back in. w/o much of a hassle. reason as to why i went back.=.=personally, i realli dont like working there. hwever, i felt tt rather than wasting time at home slacking while i wait for employers to call me, i wld rather start working part time somewhere and earn some $. nt forgetting tt i realli hope tt 1 day, u will drink the coffee tt i made and tell me tt u liked it.=/ DUMB RIGHT? but oh wells. perhaps tts my personality, u cant change it. the naivety.
i saw smth interesting somewher "the hardest choice is to choose between giving up or trying harder". (if im not wrong) yea. applies here. however, "Failing after trying ur best hurts so much more than simply giving up." cuz it totally denies urself, u cant do it even if u gave ur best. rather than having the mentality tt "i cldve done it if i tried harder but i chose to gave up cuz its too much of a hassle". yes, tts escaping from the reality, not facing the challenge but, if there is a very high chance tt u are gonna be hurt more if u try harder, why not jus, u noe.
ya pardon me if u do not understand any single part i wrote above. try reading it a few more times and u might jus understand wad im tryin to imply.=)
yup. now im still at the decision phase but my body aint realli listening to my mind. it is still trying so hard to do all those nonsense that might jus yield absolutely NO RETURNS. well well, lets see how it turns out den, mind vs body. will update again soon!
p.s. each time after meeting u, i feel little further from u, but i feel more attracted to u by the second.=/
(if u noe wad i mean)
okay! umm basically i went back to some place to work. uh kinda dumb but tt place was my previous workplace and since they're permanently short handed, i jus went back in. w/o much of a hassle. reason as to why i went back.=.=personally, i realli dont like working there. hwever, i felt tt rather than wasting time at home slacking while i wait for employers to call me, i wld rather start working part time somewhere and earn some $. nt forgetting tt i realli hope tt 1 day, u will drink the coffee tt i made and tell me tt u liked it.=/ DUMB RIGHT? but oh wells. perhaps tts my personality, u cant change it. the naivety.
i saw smth interesting somewher "the hardest choice is to choose between giving up or trying harder". (if im not wrong) yea. applies here. however, "Failing after trying ur best hurts so much more than simply giving up." cuz it totally denies urself, u cant do it even if u gave ur best. rather than having the mentality tt "i cldve done it if i tried harder but i chose to gave up cuz its too much of a hassle". yes, tts escaping from the reality, not facing the challenge but, if there is a very high chance tt u are gonna be hurt more if u try harder, why not jus, u noe.
ya pardon me if u do not understand any single part i wrote above. try reading it a few more times and u might jus understand wad im tryin to imply.=)
yup. now im still at the decision phase but my body aint realli listening to my mind. it is still trying so hard to do all those nonsense that might jus yield absolutely NO RETURNS. well well, lets see how it turns out den, mind vs body. will update again soon!
p.s. each time after meeting u, i feel little further from u, but i feel more attracted to u by the second.=/
(if u noe wad i mean)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
i have returned.
so i had my last paper today. things didn go smoothly but i did wad i could and.. we'll leave the rest to fate. but wad ive been dying to say aint anything tt gotta do wif exams( at least not directly)
Have u ever thought of how things would haf been if some1 didn jus appear into ur life suddenly? i did. she jus suddenly came into my life. at first, i wasnt realli interested but , unknowingly, something attracted me more and more AND MUCH MUCH MORE. It is something on the inside. the character, the personality, the real thing tt made me lose all my resolve, my pride, my sanity perhaps.
Jus a lil gesture frm you tt may seem like nth, but it really shook the deepest part of my dead heart. i nv believed tt it wld be able to accept any1 else yet, u went in, and took a very impt place in this heart which managed to be resusitated.
the time spent wif you was realli like a dream. a really sweet 1. if im not wrong, i dont think any1 haf ventured so deep into me. ure adventurous, uve realli explored an uncharted horizon. i totally fell, for u. TOTALLY, so much so tt i didn mind putting down my pride jus to please u, to prevent u frm ignorin me. many things which used to b so impt to mi, totally dont anymore.
im sure tt things will really b different if u didn appear. i would haf stepped into WCC. i wldn ever get a SB card. i wld nv b so eager to go back and make coffee(wif hope tt u will drink it) i would haf been able to do much much much better( if my assumptions were correct) in my exams. tho i haf got so many complains, but still, i felt tt it shld be worth it.
HOWEVER, things always dont haf good endings, at least not for mi, my stories always ends as a joke, a comedy, a failure. tho im not sure abt many things, but i do trust my senses this time(tho i srsly pray tt im wrong) i feel tt, there is some1 else in ur heart.
this realli feels heartwrenching. which is also smth tt realli bothered mi for SO FREAKING LONG. who is tt guy. wad a lucky asshole disgusting piece of shit. ZZzz.
arghhh today marks the end of the dream tho, the one whereby i haf all the legitimate reasons to meet u. nw i dont haf it anymore and i think u wont take the initiative, much as i dont haf to courage to face it. WELL! I HOPe tt we will realli haf a chance to get much closer and i realli wanna be urs. ok sry, i wan u to be MINE. BUT..=.= oh wells we shall see then
Ivy Landy Yvonne.
Have u ever thought of how things would haf been if some1 didn jus appear into ur life suddenly? i did. she jus suddenly came into my life. at first, i wasnt realli interested but , unknowingly, something attracted me more and more AND MUCH MUCH MORE. It is something on the inside. the character, the personality, the real thing tt made me lose all my resolve, my pride, my sanity perhaps.
Jus a lil gesture frm you tt may seem like nth, but it really shook the deepest part of my dead heart. i nv believed tt it wld be able to accept any1 else yet, u went in, and took a very impt place in this heart which managed to be resusitated.
the time spent wif you was realli like a dream. a really sweet 1. if im not wrong, i dont think any1 haf ventured so deep into me. ure adventurous, uve realli explored an uncharted horizon. i totally fell, for u. TOTALLY, so much so tt i didn mind putting down my pride jus to please u, to prevent u frm ignorin me. many things which used to b so impt to mi, totally dont anymore.
im sure tt things will really b different if u didn appear. i would haf stepped into WCC. i wldn ever get a SB card. i wld nv b so eager to go back and make coffee(wif hope tt u will drink it) i would haf been able to do much much much better( if my assumptions were correct) in my exams. tho i haf got so many complains, but still, i felt tt it shld be worth it.
HOWEVER, things always dont haf good endings, at least not for mi, my stories always ends as a joke, a comedy, a failure. tho im not sure abt many things, but i do trust my senses this time(tho i srsly pray tt im wrong) i feel tt, there is some1 else in ur heart.
this realli feels heartwrenching. which is also smth tt realli bothered mi for SO FREAKING LONG. who is tt guy. wad a lucky asshole disgusting piece of shit. ZZzz.
arghhh today marks the end of the dream tho, the one whereby i haf all the legitimate reasons to meet u. nw i dont haf it anymore and i think u wont take the initiative, much as i dont haf to courage to face it. WELL! I HOPe tt we will realli haf a chance to get much closer and i realli wanna be urs. ok sry, i wan u to be MINE. BUT..=.= oh wells we shall see then
Ivy Landy Yvonne.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
good evening
good evening ppl. im a week away from my nxt 2 consecutive papers but im troubled by... yea =) troubled cuz of all the uncertainties abt u. troubled abt my exams, troubled and w/o my frens with me.
i cant bring myself to face the fact, i cant bring myself to say it out to my frens as well, since it makes me looks weak. i always tot tt i shld be strong enuf now. but perhaps, ppl jus dont change whenever it comes to this. i felt as tho im back into tt loop. tho i shld be used to the loniness by now, however tt glimmer of hope which is shone on me due to ur kindness made my heart started moving again. *im a little exaggerating here but ohh wells. not realli for ppl who noes me to see this so haha-
argh damn. i lost my feelings cuz of some distractions. ohh well ill jus end ard here. conclusion, im realli uncertain abt our future, i duno how u feel abt mi, but i suppose if i successfully transmitted my feelings into ur heart ( i would say brain wld be technically more correct but haha oh wells=) ) i would haf no regrets, and if u were not able to reciprocrate my feelings for u, its ok, i will jus live wif that pain on my own. i shld be fine... i.. shld be able to.. take it. :')
i cant bring myself to face the fact, i cant bring myself to say it out to my frens as well, since it makes me looks weak. i always tot tt i shld be strong enuf now. but perhaps, ppl jus dont change whenever it comes to this. i felt as tho im back into tt loop. tho i shld be used to the loniness by now, however tt glimmer of hope which is shone on me due to ur kindness made my heart started moving again. *im a little exaggerating here but ohh wells. not realli for ppl who noes me to see this so haha-
argh damn. i lost my feelings cuz of some distractions. ohh well ill jus end ard here. conclusion, im realli uncertain abt our future, i duno how u feel abt mi, but i suppose if i successfully transmitted my feelings into ur heart ( i would say brain wld be technically more correct but haha oh wells=) ) i would haf no regrets, and if u were not able to reciprocrate my feelings for u, its ok, i will jus live wif that pain on my own. i shld be fine... i.. shld be able to.. take it. :')
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