Accidental desperation

in spite of everything tt happened. It almost felt like I'd accidentally fell for somebody. While I was the constantly rejecting everyone and shit.

then comes a problem. I realised that id been boring for too long. I don't rly know what to do nowadays.im jus slping, drinking, working, omg. this cannot be it.

while everyones lamenting about hw 2016 had been and hw they will be better in 2017.
as if a day named as "New years day" can change their luck, their character, their fate, and remove all of their memories.
alas, they are gonna wake up on "new year's day" feeling empty. feeling ah. its a new year and everythings the same.

well I don't blame them. I too had always wished for the same, wishing for life to change for me. but I realised that I have to be the one to change life.

uh wadever. I'm jus gonna continue living. continue fighting. continue working and not hoping to forget wadever bad things that had happened to me.

for all of these things made up the current me.

The me in green.

had alot of time to think about life which I'd forgotten about while drowning myself in work.

had much feels after being pulled out from my routine life into reservist.

while doing smth which I rly hated, I started missing the little things that seemed all so minute. time with my family, time with my frens, time with any other ppl except for the hateful ppl I'm spending my reservist with.

Its is with great fortune that this cycle wasn't as taxing physically. So, id been given lots of time to just lie on my bed and think about everything and anything?

So yeah, I'm just thinking, while I'm trapped in this endless work cycle, trying to complete all them repetitive stuff, and even coming up with new ways to completing those repetitive stuff. Does it even matter at the end of the day?

I'm fighting to bring bread and butter to the table. while others aint really fighting as hard but are bringing in steak and foie gras on to their exquisite dining table in their own homes.

while I do believe that my raw capabilities are better than all those ard me, and in time, I'm gonna surpass all of them. and I need to play my cards right in order to rise, but its rly quite disgusting tt when I stay passive and watch others rise.

On the other side of the coin, all these are so petty. so small, so.... insignificant. How does it even matter which bitch/ bastard don't do their job well. while talking behind their backs certainly don't help, ah. even thinking about it now feels so lame.

I guess I gotta be the bigger person, a superior human being, that's my key for moving forward.


For... I aint like the rest.