unfair.

started my day pretty lightly as I tried taking the "express bus" and argh, lets not talk abt it. lol its slow as shit.

anw had an awesome breakfast and things started going downhill. work related stuff jus cant get its ass outta my leave. and heck, its biting my ass tight for almost the whole day. sigh.

well, I'm kinda feeling better now that I've had some beer and all. that aside, lets... talk about today.

so I cut my hair, went out with my mother to explore that place in which she always wanted to explore, and ooh mmann.... seeing all those places reminds me of you, its funny isn't it? its been well over one freaking year and here I am reminiscing about the past, hmm saw many places in which you wld prolly go like "woaHhh" and feel happy about but now, I'm here, with my mum. damn. LOL

I kept thinking to myself that yes, I did the right thing but nonetheless, whenever I'm feeling so damn lonely, I can do nth but curse. To curse the god which I hated so much, what have I done to deserve this.

I.. only wanted to love someone why is it so hard.. for a person like me.

aw fk it. tonight I'm going crooked. :))

Infinite dream

Had a pretty, nice or bad dream.? it was about someone who was in my life long ago. the dream went smth like I happened to see u and u ran after me, and held me in ur arms.

then I had the same thought again. "should I stay with you for good? should I push you away? I am feeling happy now but will I regret my decision later??"

and I woke up.

yea, if I'm still having such doubts even after all these time, I believe that I rly did make the right choice then.
Nonetheless, I'm starting my 1 week leave effectively today

so yay: this marks the beginning of the 9days of life.

that XX

happened to chance upon this song, pretty interesting that is.
" How is that bastard better than me"

Hmm its been a pretty uneventful week which is nice, in which I'm rly hoping that it would've been like this all year long.
and woots, my bday is coming and I'm guessing that it will most likely end like how my every other bdays these years did. lol. hmm tt kinda sucked but... ill get by, whats new anw. lol

well unknowingly my bday is coming again soon, how time flies yeah? anw, I guesss it ill be fine. Just hope tt my heart goes strong and ill just um, live like normal =)


u didn't ask, u didn cared and so I didn't as well
\

the boy's brown hair

though it seems like nth, but well, I actually dyed my hair recently.

but I suppose it kinda have some meaning behind it. firstly, I've kept my black hair because,
(1) u guys haven't seen me having black hair before? heh. I seldom had black hair then.
(2) I am gonna start caring more about how I look. hah.

perhaps its a good sign, that I'm moving on forward more, I'm less attached to the past, nonetheless, I would always think of u ppl every now and then, but... I had already accepted the fact. accepted that its all over. long long long over.

so yup. cheers to tomorrow. cheers to the loads of shit tt I cant clear :)))

alma's karma.

so... what have I done today? hmmm went to coronation plaza to " attmpt studying" but... well its not very effective. Plus, I didn manage to see any erms ok, didn manage to see any familiar faces which kinda made tt trip a waste?? heh. so while I was outside, I looked at all those ppl hanging out, couples, friends everywhere. while I'm all by myself...what have I done to deserve this kind of solitude? was it because tt I'm not frenly by nature? was it because I actually cut off ppl whos not impt to me a couple of years back? well...I guess ive always did the right thing. so even if its caused by my,...... asssholeness, mmm ok fine ill admit tt its due to my fault. Right, so how can I ever solve it? how can I ever solve this problem?? by when?? LOL. I guess I don't have that many LONNGGG weekends to waste time like this. and argh, what am I gonna do for my bday this year. I don't think I have enuf time to make a difference now lol, less than a month left and by the way things are rolling, I can pretty much predict wads gon happen lol, nothing. gotta have to rot my ass away and emo-ing again. ZZZZ I suppose its just my karma, and its biting me in the ass right now. tho its hard at times like this, ill prevail. yes I will, well, I don't think I've seen anyone actually dying of boredom so its fine yea? anw good to know the truth, like haha don't like being not in the know u see. *heave ho*, lets go cy, time to kick some ass

lets not fall in love.

nth special, just a song, lets not fall in love. so many parts of the song described my thoughts back then.
" Actually, I’m a little scared, I’m sorry Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes But I really mean it when I say I like you If I get attached to you, I’ll get sad"

in a sense this reminds me of the me previously but... well, I'm different now. I suppose. hahaha the barrier that I've set up ard me was so strong tt it actually worked rly well in terms of repelling ppl away from me. which is pretty nice as I think Ive successfully filtered out a lot of those superficial ppl who I wont need to keep in touch with? those who just acts sociable/friendly and all for the sake of acting like it. hah. reducing such contact actually makes reduce the negativity I have for this world in which im living in.

I guess ppl ard me feel tt I've lost interest in woman, since im always indifferent or rather, cold towards them. haha well not to worry tho, im very sure tt my sexual orientation is still.. very normal lol but well, its just tt im rly afraid of getting hurt. like wad was presented previously "if I get attached to you, ill get sad."
ahh..well well.


lets not fall in love.

feeling nothing

still feeling nothing. I suppose that is a good thing. for ive felt rly horrible previously, like rly rly horrible to the point whereby feeling nth right now seems to be some sort of mercy for my miserable life.


been feeling shitty whenever I had to go to work and always had issues where ppl felt tt my job is easy as shit. well.... I don't know, but if I aint the one doing it, I wldve thought so too. and now it is up to me to spring board out from this place whenever its possible. not tt I'm a quitter, but.... well, a man gotta aim high, and especially for a man like me who tend to bow down to emotions at times, I haf to work doubly hard such tt I wont stay in a place where I shldn be staying like before.( KAP)


yes. ive gotta keep improving myself, not jus the me at work, and also the me outside of work such tt I can climb up the ladder and one day be proud to announce my designation out loud.