soul search.

yes. ive been wasting these few days not doing anything.
here i am, subconsciously, despite having a weary body, im not sleepy. hmm perhaps my subconsicious is stubbornly refusing to end my day jus liike that.
i was racking my brain for something to help mi kill time and then an idea struck me, yea i noe its no longer original but i went back to read my old CLASS BLOG.

for starters, the blog was meant for the class to share information and probably act as a space for every member in the class to probably also express how they feel abt any issues happening ard them. and yes, i created the blog for my class in jc... abt 5 yrs back? YEA...OMG ITS BEEN 5 YEARS.?!
oh wellls. i read thru the blog entries written by me and my classmates. ahhh brings back memoriess. once again, it kinda feels like ive transcended time and remembered all those minute details which would haf been forgotten. bahh as i read thru the posts, other than remembering the events which happened, i discovered smth interesting. smth which i hadnt noticed. i think i've really changed.

i remb why, i had more frens then than now. why, i felt tt i was very likeable. why, i hate myself so much now.

gahh. i guess i was a realli humourous funny and cute person then, wif a thinge of lively cheerful and amiable. haha i guess i exagerrated but, a little of all the above wouldnt be too generous alrite. wad happened to me, why is there a dark cloud hovering above my head and following wherever i go? why did u keep ur mouth shut and ur smile to urself.?! wad happened to all the humour which u were born wif and were once so proud of?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO U?! CHAOYI!

i couldnt answer myself. i didn noe wad caused the change. perhaps, all the things which happened? perhaps its jus part and parcel of growing up? i duno. i do not think i can find out. but yes this soul search. made me feel tt i acheived alittle smth today at least.
i looked thru my soul. i saw the person who had the same body as mi 5 yrs ago. i think i learnt a little today.

i will strive for the better. i can. i will =)



hahaha side note, this place is for me to write all my emo stuff. when im happy, i wun write it here, i wld tell every1 ard mi wif my mouth. spreading the joy i suppose? yea the place wher i pour my sorrows, where no1 other than me noes, here =) yea so if any1 is wondering why this person is forever emo nemo, tts the reason, cuz u are reading my blog, my personal archive of emotions.

another.

yet another day totally wasted. hmm tt jus proves how incompetent i am as a human, screwing up 1 interview and rejecting the other. just wad am i. wad do i think of myself. grrr am hating myself more and more. cuz i often regret wad i did like 10seconds later. but oh well tts me.

haha so an update of my life, basically sitting down there watchin some random videos which are totally not constructive at all. i noe im simply wasting my life but, i jus cant make myself do anything else. uh uh guess tts kinda bad... OKOK i will get my ass moving alright. i will do smth diff tml! i promise. haha

oh had a strange dream during my afternoon nap, i actually dreamt tt i was back in a BAND! hahaha i wonder wad i was in my dream, an alumni or member. haha but oh well interesting thing is i had a thought during the dream, i only remember that thought very clearly but nt the other details of the dream. i was thinking

"hey cy this is a dream u noe."
"yes i noe, but still, let me play tt intrument, let me perform b4 waking up ok."

oh my, i cant remb whether i actually performed, but i woke up soon after, with a smile on my face.

hahaha i guess tt is jus my brain trying to remb the times when i had fun and am actually enjoying myself. to escape this boring life for a while, a short break i would call it.=)

haha okok i guess tts it for nw. be back soon!

another day flew past

hmm.. rotting my flesh away.

its been. erm almost 2 weeks? and im still doing nth. outings? nope. didn meet up wif many ppl. (dun haf many ppl to meet anw.) job? nope. no employers called me at all. wonder wads wrong wif them but.. ohhh welll. screw this.

grahh no inspiration to write much at this moment. so... erm tts it for nw=)

the end of things.

yay.? somehow my exams ended and im now back into this process of searching for jobs + waiting for employers' call + waiting for frens to ask me out + rotting my ass at home. ahh.. quite a bad feeling. its gd to be able to rot at home but, well the thought of having to search for job is reallllllllll shity=.= facing those ppl checking the hell outta u and putting on this fake smile plus the fake professionalism. =/ one word -> troublesome

if only.. if only. haha i wouldnt mind slackin chillin the shit outta my life for now but. yup. tts life time to put on my smile and professionalism and get out of my hse searching for the $$$$$.

hope i wun take too long to find a job this time! gg. wish mi luck alrite. to erm, whoever haha lOl!