last christmas.

hey y'all merry xmas :))


as far as i rmb, ( ive actually read my blog entry frm last xmas.) i actually did meet up with my frens for a gathering. and i think i was the one who organized it loL. anw this year was.... lol im jus sipping beer and munching on them junk food.


so yea,i got wad i wanted, wad i deserved =) year after year, i always hoped tt the nxt wld be better than this year. but this christmas, lemme wish for smth different.




i hope tt nxt christmas wldve been the best one of all. =)


i haf 1 year to work for it anddddd i will make it better than all the previous ones.




new year update will come in few days time

here there.

im back since.... friday? always wanted to haf an update but just cant think of enuf materials to put into one entry. nonetheless im jus gonna try saying something.


hmm christmas and new year is just abt the corner, the past few years has been pretty...... boring? heh since its almost an annual affair tt we wld gather tgt and haf chill out tgt. but this year, i didn wanted to organize it again haha. so im wondering if anything will happen. OK let me rephrase it. i dont think anyones gonna organize anything so, yea this year's gonna be different lol. this year's gonn be lonely and all. well.... a new change? heh. its prolly wad i wanted to happen or at least, its wad i made it happen. lol duno if my sentence sounds correct, heck.


haha the job hunts getting slow, one thing being the job ads aint too attractive, and also after a 2 weeks hiatus, it seems tt my brain's getting alittle bit thrown off course.
to elaborate, ive always wanted to get into this stockbroking, equities sector etc. and to begin with, i dont even haf the exact answer as to why i wanted to. nonetheless, i decided to set my mind to it and be darn sure tt i go the correct way. so, after so many mths of search, perhaps the fatique, perhaps its jus a lost of momentum, i started wondering why am i so adamant in the first place. as in, why did i want to do it so much, and shld i jus gear away frm it and at least get a damn job first?


of  cuz i noe im overstaying my welcome(at home rotting lol) but.... its not like i dont want to work but i... sadly... dont rly noe what i want? and i cant get a job tt wants me. lol


so.... of cuz ill keep going ill keep finding based on my initial decision. so..ok. ill see how it goes? and hopefully my xmas and new year wont be too boring heh

The new life ahead.

So I just found out Smth not so nice. But then again, it's supposed to be over. Longgg longg over. But it jus feels pretty awful. I've always had the slight mentality that Someday somewher I'll get u back. While another part of me knew that it's not gonna happen again. I still do carry tt hope tt, miracle might happen.

So now, I'm pleading this cy. After the end of the ict. I'll. Treat it as a new life. A new beginning. All that has happened ain't gonna matter anymore. Looking forward is key.

Alright let's jus get thru these and live a brand new life ahead.

Cheers.

perserverance

having a short break.while my mind is currently full of finishing this shit, i knew tt shits gonna get tougher; in real life tt is.


when i get outta there, i haf to get a job asap. as i can see my debt snowballing larger and larger. its a good experience, i had to say, tt puts me in a rly uncomfortable position and makes me wanna go back to my normal life so damn much.


kinda haunted by memories these days when i had nth to do and memories will jus come by knocking. live with no regrets Cy. u did wad u thought was right, and who can say tt ur choice aint right? heh. life is always like this. so push on and u will see the light at the end of the tunnel.


so. ok i haf to go back soon. argh.

Inside.

pretty much stoned the whole of today away Cuz of the lack of activities, or perhaps there are activities but I jus Didn go for it. Nonetheless, prolly its a good make of for my lack of slp these days. Since I'm RLY dreading to come back here.

I do wonder why am I always stucked in shitholes, like perhaps a shitty person like me jus deserved to be stuck in one lol. It's, hard to make new frens when they alr had a clique on their own. But well of Cuz I tried my best to stick wif em, hah. It's a little hard for me to get along wif em. Perhaps Its jus the beginning awkward "I noe u but I don't fking noe anything else other than ur name, and we haf to act close" kinda thingy. Lol. Well, it's.. Okay I hope. I'll jus stick to them like gum. Cuz I rly hate being alone. Like. Now LoL.

Many reflections were done these days, like is it worth the sacrifice, did I make the wrong choices again. I wld say, my goals were realistic and definitely doable. It's just me forgetting the fact tt, I had a pretty weak heart. Which I tot was strong. I Felt relieved initially and RLY motivated but, towards the middle part, I start losing sight of my goal, I start needing somebody. I guess that's wher I went wrong. So now, I'm suffering the consequences. I guess it's a lesson I wanted to teach myself. Cherish, humility, open.

Cherish what I haf, be humble and not think too much of myself, be open to ideas and words from other ppl. I'm still learning, I'm still growing. I do miss u. Rly rly. But I shldn do anything abt it, Cuz I suck.

Side note, I'm mega bored of doing nth inside here.-__- pls let today end quickly THX

new start.

finished the cfa ytd which rly...is freaking difficult but, well ive alr made plans for the worst so. i suppose im jus glad tt its over. for now.


feeling pretty horrible these days fretting abt reservist and stuff, of cuz, firstly, its gonna be 2 weeks of doing shit and staying outside. and yea, having to live with ppl im not close with kinda sucked. plus, my low self esteem these days lol....makes it hard to know new ppl. but well.. lets hope tt i can jus endure and live, even if it is in a horrible manner, and jus.. live through it? tho theres no longer anything waiting for me out here but. i.. still love the outside world so much.


the rainy days, the solitude. ill deal with it.


hail to the new start, and lets hope tt my nxt spring will be awesome, when i come out of tt jungle hole.