false.

i was foolish to believe that i might be able to obtain happiness if i'd tried abit harder. i was a fool to think tt hey, i can try getting to know u better and perhaps.. u noe, lol.


but well well, i guess i shldn even try. the feeling of trying and failing is rly suffocating. I think i've had more that enuf of such experiences. its rly rly horrible. well mistakes made, move on, stop trying to u noe, correct the mistakes. its nv gonna work. it didn work back then and im sure as hell it wont work now either.


take heed to what i am saying CY, love yourself. stop trying to get love from others. this way, i wont be hurt, and well, its better off tt way.

nomu bogo shippo

hey yall, its friday again, and here i am, sippin on them beer chilling my night away. i duno, if this is the "right" thing to do as u noe, after u grow up, the words "right" and "wrong" becomes quite....subjective.


it appears tt nth is definitely "Right" anymore. every "Right" decision always come with some "wrong" factors and vice versa. well...since its part of growing up, i guess ill jus accept it as it is.


i did do smth kinda constructive today. i actually dragged my ass to "study" some of my CFA shit. gosh, thinking back... was tt rly constructive? hahha well, i did.. erms... like 12 qns out of 120 qns.... so i guess.. its kinda. constructive.




hee... its a quarter after 12... okay sry its a quarter after 1 and i.. miss you now but lol. i think i've been through this millions of times. dafuq am i doing, hahha going through the process of "ohhh i think i shld try... fk i mus stop doing dumb fk nonsense like this"


ah. the alcohol shldn be the reason for breaking the status quo. lOl.... well fk me, for breaking the rules and bowing down like a loser.


=O

Daydreamer.

Here I am, daydreaming. Just ytd.? Or the day b4 ytd I was telling myself tt I will be fine alone, and I don't need anyone else. Yea... and den I had this "hmm wld I have a chance.?? Wld we be able to link up.?" jus cause of some random stuff.




anddd snap. nths gonna happen for me. haha anw yea lets go cy... more work awaits for me tomorrow and the struggle to get to friday starts again.


okaeri.

do you know me

You know my name, do you know my story. If you know my story, do you know me?

Jus a bunch of thoughts that's running through my mind this few days, well.. its triggered by a couple of stuff, namely, erms work wise? and prolly also triggered by some random person who jus seemed to appear around my life. So it seems that since I've started working and more ppl would have heard of my name and all but it doesn't feel like ive got more frens. Perhaps its caused my by reluctancy or rather incapability to converse with other ppl regarding things that are outside of work. I can survive w/o talking to other ppl about personal stuff but I guess, if I needed smth more, I needed to give smth more. LOl. duno if I made sense. anw yea, I duno, I jus sucked at communicating with humans I guess.

what to do?? well i'll see how it goes and ok. I suppose ill try to squeeze out a smile or 2 from nxt week? lol ugh, k fine. Ill jus be normal and not do anything more. I wont feel fked up tml. hahaha so I guess its enuf to jus rant it here.

well moving on, im kinda slowly getting crushed by the loneliness. even tho Im the one who said tt ppl wont die even being alone. but argh, its slowly suffocating me, im starting to blame god for being unfair and all but well after all it was me who chose to be alone, but well, you gotta be slightly responsible as well since you didn send someone angelic into my life k. so yea.

nonetheless, ill most likely be ok by tml ( as usual) jus ranting here and there shld do the job. heh oh, saw someone that resembled someone I missed dearly and I jus kept stealing glances even tho I know that its not her. but well, I duno, I cant control my eyes man. anw yea okok. move on right? understood.

so here I am, foolishly waiting for you at a place in which there is a possibility of meeting you. even if the possibility is rly small, at least it is not zero. then comes another problem, so what if we met, wld we even talk? will I get sick of listening to you? will you even bother saying "hi"? wld I have the courage to approach you? what shld we talk abt? lol. then 'why wait' you may ask. I duno. my body simply moved on its own.

loving you.

love comes in many forms. i let you go because i loved you. i dont want to be the one who will hurt you because i loved you.
but i guess, it seems that at the end, the one i loved the most is myself. heh. so i think its most likely worth it. these lonely and seemingly boring fridays spent... will probably be good for me in future. Ive always told my frens and myself that we shldnt be whining about all the " we shld have done this, we shldve done that" as complaining about yesterdays arent gonna help, we shld look forward, with our past experience backing us up, we shld be looking forward to " we will do this, we're gonna do that"


haha. i sincerely do hope that in future, ill look back and think to myself "yea, i've made the right choice then" as... im kinda having regrets here and there but im jus moving on with my teeth clenched.


well.. cy.. remb, dont love, and thus you wont hate. without hatred, you will bcome something greater than "the others"

gotta stop believing.

cause its a weekend. what have i done? hmm friday was jus a lame house beer party with me and me and me at home doing nth much other than watching some lame ass old movie and jus dozing off.


sat morning was spent sleeping, and afternoon was spent walking ard and stoning and all lOL. well, somehow managed to pull myself out and went clubbing at night tho. supposingly an awesome night with chicks and drinks and all but... well nope. nth happened.


so i guess ive changed, or perhaps the crowd has changed or well, i just felt tt its awesome tt im able to meet up with frens whom ive lost contact with and reconnect with them, and everything else didn rly matter.




oh yea, managed to drag my ass outta my hse this morning and visited my adorable nephew and niece and god. adorable kids kinda made my lame ass weekend slightly less meaningless. hahaha.






love don't exist when you live like this

ill stop believing in love. cause love dont exist when you live like this.

Not enuf.

k so what's worse than having an uneventful weekend, a frantic first day of the week with loads of shitty things happening to me.

So today was rly rly horrible. Not to mention tt we've been mad busy, I rly did tried rly hard to complete whatever that I was supposed to do. Nonetheless, "poof", more things tt I'm supposed to do in which I haven't touched. And yup, of course I'm gonna get that look from them, and tt pretty demoralizing.

It's jus like, working rly hard and getting a poor result. Lol. Guess my working hard isn't rly enough, what else shld I do? Well... Yea work harder. And harder and prolly stay till like 10pm right.? Lol. Fk this like srsly.

Yea fine. Let's work harder tml and see how it goes yea? Z

Clean slate.

Don't you have this thought tt u cld jus wake up to a clean slate.? Like, not being bothered by the past issues, the problems u had since ytd.

Argh, but but today is the result of yesterdays, and how your tomorrow will be depends on what u did today.




pretty much slept my long weekend away. that wasnt how i rly planned on spending my hard earned long weekend but well, it jus happens so i guess theres nth much i could do abt it.
"why not spend it jus the way u want to" u may ask, life aint tt simple. the ppl i want to spend it with are no longer in my life, and nope. i dont have any spare tyres left. haha i suppose this is the way my life should be, for treating ppl as spare, for classifying ppl into different categories and being a smug jus because ppl wanted to be with me more that i wanted to be with them.


hahahhaa. i deserved it yea i deserved it. this loneliness suits me, this pain provides me a good life lesson. so yea, if the chance comes knocking again, i guess ill pick it up and get on my feet. =))


life was never fair and all i needed to do is to make it bend to my favour.