dont feel.

its cny day 1. and tho i shldve been used to it by now, uh, i will try hard to not feel like how a normal person wld feel. as mentioned b4, the first few days of cny wld be exceptionally boring for me since i dont haf to visit relatives etc etc.




been staying home pretty much for these 2 days since not many shops are opened and u noe, seeing ppl walking ard lookin all glam while im jus dressed in my paja dont rly sit well with me lol. so its fine.


wanted to update since ytd but nth rly noteworthy managed to come outta my mind, all the negative thoughts were typed out but i felt tt its too loserish lol. and yup, so i deleted everything, and came again today with a lighter spirit. lets just update as it is yea?


day1:
did smth different frm the previous years as there're more members in the family now and i didn haf to work on CNY. so much time is spent at home and u noe, with my parents. not tt i rly love them thatttt much, but circumstances been a bitch heh.
tt said, managed to gamble a little bit and guess wad, this unlucky bloke over here won $20 +. =_= when someone whos had like bad luck for so long suddenly won money, he dont feel happiness, he felt..... worry. lOL. like smth not v nice is gonna happen, mayb its gonna be a change of luck for the better but, u noe, jus cant get used to having good luck yays.


had dinner with my parents and my bro at pizza hut, pretty awesome. lOL. its perhaps the first time im dining in pizza hut with my parents, it felt kinda weird tho.


day 2:
tt is today, something weird happened to me. i might had jus experienced sleep paralysis for the first time in my life. a bizzare happening whereby ur body is sleeping and ur mind mightve been awake, hence u willl be like "uhh, what happened, move, fking body. move" and, LUCKILY, ive read on articles abt tt b4 and didn freak out tt much, so after some slight struggle, i woke up.


like i dont even noe if i rly did woke up or wad but its jus bizzare, like i was in a dream in which i woke up but in fact i wasnt awake actually. loL brain oh brain, mega weird.


anw, today was pretty normal, w/o much happenings and i jus dragged my ass out for a run, tt isnt rly enuf but i guesss ill go for another run again tml. feeling tt my tummy is prolly forming up. Zzzz.


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Thoughts:


u noe, ive set certain deadlines for myself to do smth if i managed to get a job by "certain" dates. but they're way way overdue. perhaps its fate tt was helping me, telling me not to look back n prolly face rejection or smth. so, they will go. they are going out of reach. and yea let it go.


its gonna be me against the world anw, think i kinda got weaker and forgot abt this previously but yea, thx for the reminder cy. i promise to make u strong again.


uh prolly gonna edit the post again cuz im jus writing up whatever that came to my mind.