Connected.

Saw an insta post abt a fren of mine whom u know, fulfilled his dream after a year. Time... Had passed by pretty okayly and it jus prompted me to recall "wad was I thinking of/ what was I doing last year??"

Last year I believe I'm still unemployed. Self wallowing in my own sorrow created by myself. I don't know wad tt was for but yea, was drowning in beer and Low self-esteem? Ego.? Yea trying my best to get out of the situation on my own while cursing at my own wretched fate. So one year later, here I am. Still cursing at my own life, unsatisfied with the current status. Is this normal.? For human to constantly hate his current situation? Perhaps it's good as u know, unsatisfactory brings about change, change brings about improvement and yea.

Anw, if someone were to ask me if I missed anything from the past, I believe it would be ppl. Ppl who were pure and nice to talk to. Who sincerely would listen and share their life with me, now tt I think abt it... I don't think I have anyone who's like tt left. Tts kinda sad don't u think.? Mayb tts part of growing up, or mayb it's just me being not willing to pour my heart out to other ppl. But well yea, if only those ppl are still ard me, who will still be willing to listen to all the shit I've swallowed, perhaps I'll be happier.

If this is part of growing up I'll accept it. I don't think I'll die from it so... Let's leave it tt way then.
Yeah:))


It'd became a bad habit of mine to want to know how ur life is. I just refused to break the last bit of thin hanging thread connecting u to me. I mean, jus being able to know how ur life is kinda comfort me, even if it's just a little. This won't last forever I know, but I hope by tt time when all the threads break, I wldve been able to find another form of comfort.

If you.

"If you’re struggling like I am
Can’t we make things a little easier?
I should’ve treated you better when I had you"



I am struggling every single day. Praying tt every day can pass by smoothly. Friday had been so had to reach these days and weekdays seemed so dreadful. 

Should have studied but.. u know... life.

I'm living like an empty shell, I go out but I'm not enjoying. I don't know. what else should I do to be happy. :|

Still. Daydreamingg

So what am I doing. Work. Work. And work.

I work hard. I try hard. I'm at the same spot.
I crave for a wider social circle, I wanted to meet more ppl. I'm still the same.

nths new now and I've gotten myself sometime for day dreaming.

Was just thinking, how different am i compared to the me last year. How different am I now if ur eyes. I don't know, I nv will.

I was jus thinking if things hadn't went south, wad wld we be like right nw. Will u be here beside me ranting about all the shit in life.? Wld I be willing to listen to all ur problems like before.?

I don't know, i wld rly want to try u know, it wld feel so much like a time travel and of cuz, having u by my side wld prolly make me stronger. But well, wad tt gives u strength also becomes ur weakness. No one wld be able to say which choice is better, but I can only go this way now. Since things are alr like this, its alrdy way beyond my control.


Look forward, sigh & look back, den keep moving. Cause history is the best teacher sometimes. So yea, jus thinking. Tml I'll go back to become the work maniac tt I always had been

Fault.

Phew. It's another Friday finally. Here I am, all alone in a cafe waiting for time to pass. I don't know, I mean, it's my fault tt I'm all alone.

Well I can blame life for being unfair, I can blame myself for being such an uninteresting person tt ppl won't wanna hang out with me. But it won't change a thing.

Blame it on myself for being a fked up person yea.?

K.

This hatred.

Being kinda angst today. Well... What's the reason for being angst, simply because there's nth much for me to be happy about anw.
Mood became kinda foul as the first thing I see in the morning is some bitch skipping work, well can't rly blame her anw, since she's leaving soon. The hatred shld be targetted towards the other bitch who didn't take prompt action to actually help us, so yea. And tt same asshole jus threw some additional shit for me to do. Gosh. She's gotta be kidding me.

Well. This hatred.. Perhaps the ultimate owner of my hatred, is myself.
Cause I'm the one who didn try to keep u.
Cause I'm the one who didn try to get you.
Cause I'm the one who didn work hard enuf to get better grades.
Cause I'm the one who didn prepare myself for interviews.
Cause I'm the one who chose this job.

So yeah. I Guess I jus hate myself, more than anything else.