Thursday, September 10, 2015

dashed (the end of dreams)

my bday is over. and as i'd expected, it was neither good nor bad. ok minus away the presents that were totally not in my wishlist..... ah, I shldn be such a dick and rly go whine abt it yea? since it is the thought tt counts. but.. argh lol

anw it was kinda nice that I actually got a week of leave (even though im the one who applied for it and if there is someone to thank its actually myself lol) and I actually lived in a pretty chill life for a week.. which is nice as it seems tt ive been so tied down by work that I didn manage to do all the small little things that makes living living. lol if u noe wad I meant.

Am blogging from work now as im pretty darn bored doing night shift.

smth strange happened just now. my heart was downed. for a while. I guess I jus liked competition. I simply react when I realise that there is competition in which I shldn have reacted.

I suppose my heart shld have settled down right now as I.. sincerely wonder why did I even felt tt way jus now. Jealousy? Envy? I don't understand myself at all. I suppose im jus an incarnation of envy, I want wad other ppl want to have (or wad ppl already have) I feel satisfaction when I actually won in a competition but.. in many cases... I simply failed. pathetically. and perhaps tts y im always hurt.

perhaps I shld rly take note of this and actually shun away from competitions. haha tt wil prolly make me look less like a fool

sorry for actually.. u noe, making my heart flutter. ill try not to anymore.

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