unsatisfied.

am still not satisfied with myself atm. workwise, lifewise.


of cause im still not able to remb everything taught, and im slowly getting a little less humble.jus slightly, and i am totally not doing an awesome job. i still have lots to work on, so yup. ill keep tt in mind.


life wise....i duno, i meant, im slowly starting to realize tt the things i did, the things i wanted to do previously, was pretty plain dumb. even tho i cld justify it as, oh it was jus because of circumstance, pressure, and all.. uh no. not justifiable. so i rly needa wake up my idea.


i guess i was trying too hard to prove tt im desirable, even tho it seems otherwise. im jus trying too hard to comfort my empty heart tt "hey, u're still wanted by somebdy on this world" haha. wad a joke eh?
nope, no. mayb i mightve been impt to someone before, but the me now, am nth but a weak existance in this world. theres no more power to my name, there is, nth left. all im left with is a human body, sitting down there and being kind of a burden to other ppl. and im an existence in which, even if i simply disappear w/o a trace in the nxt moment, it doesnt rly matter at all.


but. that is not wad i want.


so how? wad else can i do. instead of working harder than i am now and being nicer to ppl and trying harder to forge those 'worthless' bonds with the ppl ard me such tt i can actually become something, jus, something, at least an image in ppl's mind and not jus smth tt doesnt rly matter even if i dont exist.


my only goal is to be better than myself today, and keep growing and keep learning. such tt the current container will no longer be able to hold me, and ill go into a bigger container and keep growing, and changing containers, and growing.
*if u noe wad im trying to imply, if not, think harder. heheheheh tts it for now. needa exercise.