The month of relevation. Lets pls pls hope tt things will all turn out okayy. Please.!
Since July seems to b a sad mth for me as usual, August August. Lets look forward to it
I still do.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Curves
It's like 2 curves of opp signs.from infinitely far away, Somehw we got closer but nv intersecting and den we continue moving in our own direction. Which is, sadly away frm one another yes a very mathematical way of explaining which.. Kinda applies LoL.!!
It do hurt, when, I see it widening, I make it widen, and u widen it further. Tt cycle of events tt all seem too familiar, I.. Didn wan tt. I wanted to step forward, but I don't think ill haf the courage to face rejection lol. so shld I...Slowly fade away.? Or shld I jus rip myself away. Or.. Or..? Wad a joke cy. Ure a joke.
I want u. But I can't go for u. Tt sux big time.
Ill try nt to keep whining. Okay.? Ok.
It do hurt, when, I see it widening, I make it widen, and u widen it further. Tt cycle of events tt all seem too familiar, I.. Didn wan tt. I wanted to step forward, but I don't think ill haf the courage to face rejection lol. so shld I...Slowly fade away.? Or shld I jus rip myself away. Or.. Or..? Wad a joke cy. Ure a joke.
I want u. But I can't go for u. Tt sux big time.
Ill try nt to keep whining. Okay.? Ok.
Monday, July 29, 2013
heartless.
life's been. pretty boring as usual. boring frens. boring job. boring life. but this boredom is actually kinda good in a sense. been learning hw to drive, think ive alr hit a rock wall, unable to realli progress further and i dont noe why. mayb im jus nt gd at it.
been lazy yea. but.. with tt much free time on hand, any1 wldve done the same. i guess, this time i alrdy found the answer. i wldnt rly wanna stay further, heh objective completed i guess. its nt deeply rooted in yet so i guess it aint hard to totally forget abt it, hmm jus like the previous ones=)
it hurts but. i think its bearable.
let it go cy.
am heartless now.
been lazy yea. but.. with tt much free time on hand, any1 wldve done the same. i guess, this time i alrdy found the answer. i wldnt rly wanna stay further, heh objective completed i guess. its nt deeply rooted in yet so i guess it aint hard to totally forget abt it, hmm jus like the previous ones=)
it hurts but. i think its bearable.
let it go cy.
am heartless now.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Darknesss.
who is tt boy i see staring straight back at me, why is my reflection some1 i dont noe.
when will my reflection show who i am...inside.
did some reflection earlier. sipping 2 cans of beer while munching on kachang puteh. i guess its kinda weird but... well we've gotta do some strange stuffs once in a while.
oh so the WHOLE scenerio was like, i went for circuit lessons omg. kept MOUNTING KERBS WTF. which is realli intolerable at this point but.. argh. i wonder wads wrong. and yea so i had nth much to do after the lesson, bought kachang puteh and a couple of beer. meh, the cashier stared at me and luckily didn check my IC.LOl. for some reason i feel guilty =.= i guess im really living in denial. im WAY OVER THE AGE LIMIT.
k soOo. passed by this playgrd and i felt tt, mayb i shld jus chill, sat on the swing while drinking beer. Aint tt gd of an experience =_= but oh wells its..erm gd enuf, finished it and went home.
so ive been thinking, who the hells been hacking my blogger acc and postin all those weird posts=.= please. i aint that whiny. all those shits will be erased frm my memories.
SO yeah, welcome my return. i. am back. to wad i used to be. =)
when will my reflection show who i am...inside.
did some reflection earlier. sipping 2 cans of beer while munching on kachang puteh. i guess its kinda weird but... well we've gotta do some strange stuffs once in a while.
oh so the WHOLE scenerio was like, i went for circuit lessons omg. kept MOUNTING KERBS WTF. which is realli intolerable at this point but.. argh. i wonder wads wrong. and yea so i had nth much to do after the lesson, bought kachang puteh and a couple of beer. meh, the cashier stared at me and luckily didn check my IC.LOl. for some reason i feel guilty =.= i guess im really living in denial. im WAY OVER THE AGE LIMIT.
k soOo. passed by this playgrd and i felt tt, mayb i shld jus chill, sat on the swing while drinking beer. Aint tt gd of an experience =_= but oh wells its..erm gd enuf, finished it and went home.
so ive been thinking, who the hells been hacking my blogger acc and postin all those weird posts=.= please. i aint that whiny. all those shits will be erased frm my memories.
SO yeah, welcome my return. i. am back. to wad i used to be. =)
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Just another youthful indication
Life's been weird lately. Wasting time and all. Anw can't u see the look in my eyes, look at it that are in sorrow. meh quoted tt frm a song anw LOL. But yeah kinda applies for this case. Didn u realize.? My eyes tt were alr diff frm b4.. Or rather ure choosing to ignore it. It's... Kinda okay but. Aw, no.. I.. Argh: can't bear to.
Haha and I recalled my reason for coming back this time ard, it was, to fufill a promise, and to protect smth impt, and to repay my gratitude for the fact tt i wasnt particularly bored and sad during the darkest days. but oh well. i think ive done enuf i guess, almost. and yes, i wont give up but i haf to move on soon and mayb pickup smth better in future. i reacalled, it was only a temporary game for me to pass time anw. yea it is and it shldve been the case. and ya i kinda found the answers to a few qns tt was bothering me for a while and am quite pleased wif it.?
remove all ur thoughts if ur mind is swirling, take a step back and look frm a diff person's perspective. frm there, u will begin to see wad u normally dont see and u will noe wad u need to do.
meanwhile. let me clear off all those weird things ard my life b4 im able to take flight.
Haha and I recalled my reason for coming back this time ard, it was, to fufill a promise, and to protect smth impt, and to repay my gratitude for the fact tt i wasnt particularly bored and sad during the darkest days. but oh well. i think ive done enuf i guess, almost. and yes, i wont give up but i haf to move on soon and mayb pickup smth better in future. i reacalled, it was only a temporary game for me to pass time anw. yea it is and it shldve been the case. and ya i kinda found the answers to a few qns tt was bothering me for a while and am quite pleased wif it.?
remove all ur thoughts if ur mind is swirling, take a step back and look frm a diff person's perspective. frm there, u will begin to see wad u normally dont see and u will noe wad u need to do.
meanwhile. let me clear off all those weird things ard my life b4 im able to take flight.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Cold.
Interesting quote tt came knocking at the right timing.?
"Look at any successful man in any trade, and you will see one pattern: successful people
focus on winning rather than losing.
It doesn't mean they don't pay attention to risks or contingency plans (in fact, most successful people are
also attentive and think before they act). But what they try to do is act boldly once they have decided to do
something and see every mistake or obstacle as just another lesson.
On the contrary, the typical person walks on egg-shells and hope they do not make mistakes. They wait
and wait until they are "ready" to take action, and the first sign of trouble that comes along, they are ready
to throw in the towel and fall back into their comfort zone.
Focus on what you want and what you are going to do, NOT on what you might lose if you do not
win.
Know who you are.
Know what you stand for.
Know what you like and don't like.
Know what you want and just go get it.
If you are truly focused, everything else will
fall into place.
You will have the right body language.
You will have the right voice tone.
You will have all the right words.
Because you will be totally relaxed and be at ease.
And should something happens that's outside of your
control, you're not even going to care because you are so
focused.
You fail once. You bounce back.
You fail twice. You keep going.
You fail a third time. You don't even notice it.
You will just keep on going because your focus is on
what the prize.
It's like a child learning how to walk: no matter
how much times he falls, he will get up and try again.
You've done it before - before you started caring
about what others would think if they saw you fail. It's
time to have that focus again.
I promise you will gain confidence."
scraped this frm my junk mail, tt came almost like.. well. its telling me not to gif up, its almost describing wad im gg thru now. is tt a sign? but...ive tried. and ive been recieving icy, coldness, and argh. tts kinda hurting.while i recalled. hw did this even started, yea it was to kill sometime. it was to, help repair tt brokened piece of shit called heart, it was just..a game. which i toook a lil too seriously. trying to calm down, trying to be logical. trying to be myself. and no. i dont like losing. i wont wanna get hurt again, not this time.
Remove all those thoughts please. stop. cy. cy stop being an idiot. wake up.
even after alll alll of those, yea it's rly abt time to wrap things up. The.. Boy wld..might.. Shld be leaving soon. Ya.? Yes. A dream has got to end somewher Somehw. This... Shld hurt quite abit but.. I needa weigh the odds, we'll see, we'll see. I'm kinda curious tho. I hope I could finish reading this story and not leave cliff hangers like the previous story. I.... Wld miss u. After this, I.. Wld become cold again
be cold.
"Look at any successful man in any trade, and you will see one pattern: successful people
focus on winning rather than losing.
It doesn't mean they don't pay attention to risks or contingency plans (in fact, most successful people are
also attentive and think before they act). But what they try to do is act boldly once they have decided to do
something and see every mistake or obstacle as just another lesson.
On the contrary, the typical person walks on egg-shells and hope they do not make mistakes. They wait
and wait until they are "ready" to take action, and the first sign of trouble that comes along, they are ready
to throw in the towel and fall back into their comfort zone.
Focus on what you want and what you are going to do, NOT on what you might lose if you do not
win.
Know who you are.
Know what you stand for.
Know what you like and don't like.
Know what you want and just go get it.
If you are truly focused, everything else will
fall into place.
You will have the right body language.
You will have the right voice tone.
You will have all the right words.
Because you will be totally relaxed and be at ease.
And should something happens that's outside of your
control, you're not even going to care because you are so
focused.
You fail once. You bounce back.
You fail twice. You keep going.
You fail a third time. You don't even notice it.
You will just keep on going because your focus is on
what the prize.
It's like a child learning how to walk: no matter
how much times he falls, he will get up and try again.
You've done it before - before you started caring
about what others would think if they saw you fail. It's
time to have that focus again.
I promise you will gain confidence."
scraped this frm my junk mail, tt came almost like.. well. its telling me not to gif up, its almost describing wad im gg thru now. is tt a sign? but...ive tried. and ive been recieving icy, coldness, and argh. tts kinda hurting.while i recalled. hw did this even started, yea it was to kill sometime. it was to, help repair tt brokened piece of shit called heart, it was just..a game. which i toook a lil too seriously. trying to calm down, trying to be logical. trying to be myself. and no. i dont like losing. i wont wanna get hurt again, not this time.
Remove all those thoughts please. stop. cy. cy stop being an idiot. wake up.
even after alll alll of those, yea it's rly abt time to wrap things up. The.. Boy wld..might.. Shld be leaving soon. Ya.? Yes. A dream has got to end somewher Somehw. This... Shld hurt quite abit but.. I needa weigh the odds, we'll see, we'll see. I'm kinda curious tho. I hope I could finish reading this story and not leave cliff hangers like the previous story. I.... Wld miss u. After this, I.. Wld become cold again
be cold.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
step back.
mayb its nicer to take a step back. to look at things frm a wider view. mayb its better to take a step back, so tt i haf fresh air to breathe. i guess i took a step back cuz i. dont feel tt sorrowful now.
a step back. a step further away. i duno if tts wad i want. i duno if tts wad i shld do. but i dont think theres a right or wrong answer to this.
sometimes my body, jus choose to do weird things tt is illogical. even tho i noe its gonna hurt, even tho i noe ive gt nth to gain and everything to lose, i still..haha. cant control those weird actions.
i probably.. shld leave this world and go back into my own world. where i belong
a step back. a step further away. i duno if tts wad i want. i duno if tts wad i shld do. but i dont think theres a right or wrong answer to this.
sometimes my body, jus choose to do weird things tt is illogical. even tho i noe its gonna hurt, even tho i noe ive gt nth to gain and everything to lose, i still..haha. cant control those weird actions.
i probably.. shld leave this world and go back into my own world. where i belong
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Altered memories.
had a great night ytd. i think? generally rather happy to be able to meet up wif my frens again doing tt same old thing. brings back memories. hahaha laughed alot, nt sure if its a sincere laugh or just laughin for the sake of laughing. but oh well.
a lil overdosed on alcohol which made me kinda, lost some memories. these happens so darned often which i hate. memories are impt, and i feel rly unhappy when i lost em. met sm1 real cute and funny ytd, chat abit but i guess the alcohol made me rly funny as in the weird type of funny, not the good humorous way whatnot. but neh, interesting convo we had.
went to work wif a hangover. god, tt felt horrible. felt like vomiting but i dont think its gonna help much, endured thru wif almost less than half of my full physical potential. haha layman terms? im feel fked up and cant move properly. i survived, reached hm wif tt black face and i srsly wan to slp but i needa wait for dinner first, had a rather nice dinner and went hm to slp after tt. den. YES. cant slp now. 1:03am.=.= and i needa wake up early tml. zzz
: soOoo. story abt altered memories :
jus random thoughts hahaha. there.. wld be times wherby you wont haf a certain memory of smthing tt happned to u and some1, who supposingly was in the same place, witnessing the incident reminds u, tells u abt wad happend. den some bits and pieces of memories sorta came back to ur brain and u accepts it as a reality tt really happened. but, hw true can tt be? mayb the "memories"were jus purely imaginary images pictured by ur brain after recieving information from the other person which were mistook by urself as "truth tt happend." and u will thusforth accept tt that incident, rly did happend in ttt manner as described by the other person.
ya bushwa~ haha new word i jus learnt. meaning rubbishy nonsense loL!. but well worth a thought.
well ya my bro told me tt he doesnt remb me as a kid. like he's got memories of me as a baby, den the nxt thing he remb, im alr a teen. hahaha sadly i..dont haf much memories of myself as a kid as well. LOL. and yea i retained more info of myself when i was a teen. meh so i guess blogging helps, it helps to remind me of wad im like, when i was younger.
yea anw so i was sayingggg, mayb...just mayb, mayb i was never a kid, tt time frame didn occur, since nobdy has memories of it, my life got fast forwarded and i bcame a teenager.while nobdy realized. heh. tt explains. :) nah im not crazy. jus random strange thoughts. baba.
and yea i wld love to alter my memories.... removing all those tt makes me unhappy.
a lil overdosed on alcohol which made me kinda, lost some memories. these happens so darned often which i hate. memories are impt, and i feel rly unhappy when i lost em. met sm1 real cute and funny ytd, chat abit but i guess the alcohol made me rly funny as in the weird type of funny, not the good humorous way whatnot. but neh, interesting convo we had.
went to work wif a hangover. god, tt felt horrible. felt like vomiting but i dont think its gonna help much, endured thru wif almost less than half of my full physical potential. haha layman terms? im feel fked up and cant move properly. i survived, reached hm wif tt black face and i srsly wan to slp but i needa wait for dinner first, had a rather nice dinner and went hm to slp after tt. den. YES. cant slp now. 1:03am.=.= and i needa wake up early tml. zzz
: soOoo. story abt altered memories :
jus random thoughts hahaha. there.. wld be times wherby you wont haf a certain memory of smthing tt happned to u and some1, who supposingly was in the same place, witnessing the incident reminds u, tells u abt wad happend. den some bits and pieces of memories sorta came back to ur brain and u accepts it as a reality tt really happened. but, hw true can tt be? mayb the "memories"were jus purely imaginary images pictured by ur brain after recieving information from the other person which were mistook by urself as "truth tt happend." and u will thusforth accept tt that incident, rly did happend in ttt manner as described by the other person.
ya bushwa~ haha new word i jus learnt. meaning rubbishy nonsense loL!. but well worth a thought.
well ya my bro told me tt he doesnt remb me as a kid. like he's got memories of me as a baby, den the nxt thing he remb, im alr a teen. hahaha sadly i..dont haf much memories of myself as a kid as well. LOL. and yea i retained more info of myself when i was a teen. meh so i guess blogging helps, it helps to remind me of wad im like, when i was younger.
yea anw so i was sayingggg, mayb...just mayb, mayb i was never a kid, tt time frame didn occur, since nobdy has memories of it, my life got fast forwarded and i bcame a teenager.while nobdy realized. heh. tt explains. :) nah im not crazy. jus random strange thoughts. baba.
and yea i wld love to alter my memories.... removing all those tt makes me unhappy.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
...dirty little secret.
Lets get used to it alright.?
well jus some lyrics tt can kind describe wad i wanna say. lets be positive alright? i..didn lose anything. i came wif a broken heart and im leaving wif a broken heart as well. hmm i didn gain anything and i didn lose anything. i jus remained at the equilibrium point? hahaha well it was...kind time... not well spent but.. its smth tt i can remb for quite a long while. bleh. tt a dead heart can actually be resusitated by meeting the right person. tho at the wrong time, frm a diff era. im me. in my world. and ure u, in ur world. jus so happened tt our world.. coincided for some unknown reason. but yea... i.. will be fine after.. a little while.
been doing nth recently... a life which i yearned for, which every1 yearned for. but... it aint gd.. tt escape frm reality to pursue..what? yea for wad reason am i here for. ah..an ending. ure slowly but surely, leaving tt world. and i dont belong to tt world too. a hawk tt doesnt fly doesnt live long, my wings are ready nw, jus... soon. very..soon.
so was kinda sick ytd. caught a cold and died.? lol slept for quite a while and i woke up and rushed to driving lessons. tts kinda.. joke cuz. i guess tts smth i rly sucked at. LOL. nonetheless...its smth i realli realli need. =_= fk.... grrr and yea i will look forward to tml's drinking session. i hope i wld b able to retain my.. consciousness and my memories. lets.. go shall we?
i. will. forget. all. this..soon. i hope.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.
yes. i am very happy.
well jus some lyrics tt can kind describe wad i wanna say. lets be positive alright? i..didn lose anything. i came wif a broken heart and im leaving wif a broken heart as well. hmm i didn gain anything and i didn lose anything. i jus remained at the equilibrium point? hahaha well it was...kind time... not well spent but.. its smth tt i can remb for quite a long while. bleh. tt a dead heart can actually be resusitated by meeting the right person. tho at the wrong time, frm a diff era. im me. in my world. and ure u, in ur world. jus so happened tt our world.. coincided for some unknown reason. but yea... i.. will be fine after.. a little while.
been doing nth recently... a life which i yearned for, which every1 yearned for. but... it aint gd.. tt escape frm reality to pursue..what? yea for wad reason am i here for. ah..an ending. ure slowly but surely, leaving tt world. and i dont belong to tt world too. a hawk tt doesnt fly doesnt live long, my wings are ready nw, jus... soon. very..soon.
so was kinda sick ytd. caught a cold and died.? lol slept for quite a while and i woke up and rushed to driving lessons. tts kinda.. joke cuz. i guess tts smth i rly sucked at. LOL. nonetheless...its smth i realli realli need. =_= fk.... grrr and yea i will look forward to tml's drinking session. i hope i wld b able to retain my.. consciousness and my memories. lets.. go shall we?
i. will. forget. all. this..soon. i hope.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.
i am very happy.
yes. i am very happy.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
i...go crazy bcuz of u.
hi hello. im back. pretty quick return this time around. right... im. :)
ive been drinking quite a lil cuz its my off tml.!! heh i wonder how I'm gonna spend it but the fact tt I'm burping for some reason is kinda annoying, the shits tts going in my brain is...why are you being like this. hahah i guess.. probably... as usual... theres alr some1 whos taking tt v impt place in ur heart. mayb okay. to explain tt coldness... tt...=_= so mayb I shldn cont to be hanging near u
well i...swear i cant sense any reaction frm ur side.. much as.. i needed some1 to be here wif me tonight.. to stop me frm drinking, to help me release some of my... unspoken words. theres no one ard.
haha i think.. i... rly haf to... start a new chapter soon. the chapter here... is most likely gonna end wif some lame ending but... well i guesss tts me. if it gets boring, if it gets a lil too tiring, imma getting rid of it.
i.. liked u.. do u? k. mayb not but oh wells. tts.. kinda fine. i guess.... i shall do fine on..my own.. fk tt burping.
imma leave it hanging for now.
bai.
ive been drinking quite a lil cuz its my off tml.!! heh i wonder how I'm gonna spend it but the fact tt I'm burping for some reason is kinda annoying, the shits tts going in my brain is...why are you being like this. hahah i guess.. probably... as usual... theres alr some1 whos taking tt v impt place in ur heart. mayb okay. to explain tt coldness... tt...=_= so mayb I shldn cont to be hanging near u
well i...swear i cant sense any reaction frm ur side.. much as.. i needed some1 to be here wif me tonight.. to stop me frm drinking, to help me release some of my... unspoken words. theres no one ard.
haha i think.. i... rly haf to... start a new chapter soon. the chapter here... is most likely gonna end wif some lame ending but... well i guesss tts me. if it gets boring, if it gets a lil too tiring, imma getting rid of it.
i.. liked u.. do u? k. mayb not but oh wells. tts.. kinda fine. i guess.... i shall do fine on..my own.. fk tt burping.
imma leave it hanging for now.
bai.
Monday, July 15, 2013
tomorrow's burden.
This marks the 7th time im trying to post smth.
been trying to do tt but i didn cause erms.? i didn manage to grasp the perfect writing mood? i was too tired? and many many other reasons i guess.
went thru a series of bad days since last week and i..sincerely hope tt its gonna be better now.
the last attempt to post was titled wif a teardrop. i... am guessing tts hmm decribing how ive been living like. i was never happy. even when i laughed, even when i smiled even when im having tt expressionless face, even when im acting like an idiot. i wld always feel smth sourish? i dont noe if tts a gd description but yea.. smth feels uncomfortable when im back at home alone, i wld still feel...hmm strange. i guess. no matter how much fun i had, no matter how much i laughed. im stil alone.
ive tried to cry but no tears came out, multiple times, even when im gulping alcohol and blasting tt bloody song into my ears, i felt tt a tear drop was forming. but well, it nv fell.=_= i guess tts mayb good. shows tt i aint tt weak perhaps?
i wanted to b able to live normally w/o being even slightly bothered abt wad ure doing. for i noe tt this is a hopeless 1 sided thingy. but...like a fool i wld still want to find out hw ur life is when ure out of my sight. this cant go on. its..only gonna hurt me more. tt, impossible infatuation gotta stop somewher somehow, somewhat.
anw, ive met you today. like finally, after torturing me for abt a week or so. with ur bloody slow replies claiming tt u were bz. for gods sake, im nt stupid, and its nt difficult to find out. anw, i guess after seeing u, all those unhappiness went away. we..were somewhat able to talk like b4, eat tgt like b4, chill tgt like b4. i...kinda missed you alot. i finally realized. as usual, whenever ure telling me abt some misfortunes tt happened to u, i always listened wif cringed eyebrows, unable to laugh it off like a joke. (and i think tts the same for the other u too, i..cant luff it off like u tried to) k anw yea..it...made me wanted more..i want to b in ur life more.. tho i used the past 9mths? to distance myself frm u... i..wld still come running to u if u called for me. like today.
bahhbahh but oh wels.i...shall keep tt teardrop in my eyes for now. i really realized now.. i..dont love u.like i did. ytd.
=) oh yea and im not really glad tt ure going into tt sector. are u kinda dumb? the world aint as black and white as u presumed u fool. i..really hope tt u will do well and are rly able to stick to ur principles and ur morals all the way. i..rly hope tt somehow somewher, sometime in the future, we'll b able to...get closer again. and if tt time comes. i will not let u go. :'|
okay. i..jus finished an episode of runningman. but theres this weird sensation tt struck me. "ahh i..gotta worry abt tml.." however, to my knowledge, theres nth impt tml.. but yea i shld be looking for jobs and stuff. refusing to grow... refusing to accept tt reality.. aint gonna help me for long. i.. need to fly soon. tts tomorrow's burden. today's worry.
my tomorrow is.. realy unforeseeable and i dont like it.. i hope tt u will somehow contact me when..i miss u the most. erm no not u.. but you yes =) like u always, no sometimes did. hahaha.
i
miss
you.
i will miss you. hope to see u again soon. meh i think ure jus gonna say u aint got the time to spare. asshole.
been trying to do tt but i didn cause erms.? i didn manage to grasp the perfect writing mood? i was too tired? and many many other reasons i guess.
went thru a series of bad days since last week and i..sincerely hope tt its gonna be better now.
the last attempt to post was titled wif a teardrop. i... am guessing tts hmm decribing how ive been living like. i was never happy. even when i laughed, even when i smiled even when im having tt expressionless face, even when im acting like an idiot. i wld always feel smth sourish? i dont noe if tts a gd description but yea.. smth feels uncomfortable when im back at home alone, i wld still feel...hmm strange. i guess. no matter how much fun i had, no matter how much i laughed. im stil alone.
ive tried to cry but no tears came out, multiple times, even when im gulping alcohol and blasting tt bloody song into my ears, i felt tt a tear drop was forming. but well, it nv fell.=_= i guess tts mayb good. shows tt i aint tt weak perhaps?
i wanted to b able to live normally w/o being even slightly bothered abt wad ure doing. for i noe tt this is a hopeless 1 sided thingy. but...like a fool i wld still want to find out hw ur life is when ure out of my sight. this cant go on. its..only gonna hurt me more. tt, impossible infatuation gotta stop somewher somehow, somewhat.
anw, ive met you today. like finally, after torturing me for abt a week or so. with ur bloody slow replies claiming tt u were bz. for gods sake, im nt stupid, and its nt difficult to find out. anw, i guess after seeing u, all those unhappiness went away. we..were somewhat able to talk like b4, eat tgt like b4, chill tgt like b4. i...kinda missed you alot. i finally realized. as usual, whenever ure telling me abt some misfortunes tt happened to u, i always listened wif cringed eyebrows, unable to laugh it off like a joke. (and i think tts the same for the other u too, i..cant luff it off like u tried to) k anw yea..it...made me wanted more..i want to b in ur life more.. tho i used the past 9mths? to distance myself frm u... i..wld still come running to u if u called for me. like today.
bahhbahh but oh wels.i...shall keep tt teardrop in my eyes for now. i really realized now.. i..dont love u.like i did. ytd.
=) oh yea and im not really glad tt ure going into tt sector. are u kinda dumb? the world aint as black and white as u presumed u fool. i..really hope tt u will do well and are rly able to stick to ur principles and ur morals all the way. i..rly hope tt somehow somewher, sometime in the future, we'll b able to...get closer again. and if tt time comes. i will not let u go. :'|
okay. i..jus finished an episode of runningman. but theres this weird sensation tt struck me. "ahh i..gotta worry abt tml.." however, to my knowledge, theres nth impt tml.. but yea i shld be looking for jobs and stuff. refusing to grow... refusing to accept tt reality.. aint gonna help me for long. i.. need to fly soon. tts tomorrow's burden. today's worry.
my tomorrow is.. realy unforeseeable and i dont like it.. i hope tt u will somehow contact me when..i miss u the most. erm no not u.. but you yes =) like u always, no sometimes did. hahaha.
i
miss
you.
i will miss you. hope to see u again soon. meh i think ure jus gonna say u aint got the time to spare. asshole.
Monday, July 08, 2013
Hatred.
Hatred is born from the inability to love and to feel loved. I wonder how much of tt is true.
Am not in the best of mood recently as, I... Don't see much point to everything tt i am doing now.
Wad for.? Why.? It's not worth it. Ure ridiculous. Yea all these voices in my head. Are making me irritated. Making me angsty, making me feel like jus screamin vulgarities to the world.
U.. Didn rly helped. U.. Ain't useful. And u.. Srsly jus made it worse. Im tired of giving w/o expecting anything in return. It kinda sux. Big time. But I guess it's me, when it comes to stuffs like this, I became stupid. I become someone who I can't even recognize. Wad. Is wrong with me.
Am not in the best of mood recently as, I... Don't see much point to everything tt i am doing now.
Wad for.? Why.? It's not worth it. Ure ridiculous. Yea all these voices in my head. Are making me irritated. Making me angsty, making me feel like jus screamin vulgarities to the world.
U.. Didn rly helped. U.. Ain't useful. And u.. Srsly jus made it worse. Im tired of giving w/o expecting anything in return. It kinda sux. Big time. But I guess it's me, when it comes to stuffs like this, I became stupid. I become someone who I can't even recognize. Wad. Is wrong with me.
Sunday, July 07, 2013
wake up
recently, ive been trying to recall things. den i remb the reasons for the things tt happened. apparently jus in a short span of these 24hrs, ive..kinda received interesting feeedbacks abt myself.? lol wth.
1st theres this singh who came in to my workplace and asked if i want my future to be predicted. he said smth like "bla bla bla... but u think too much". heh, im guessing, thinking too much is a negative thing, so tt bla bla bla shld revolve ard "u haf a gd life, u are good, bla!" heeeehe, so yea tts the thingy
i.. think too much? mayb..mayb? probably. k i will take note of tt
uh den my fren said i was like nervous nervous, and i will try my best to act normal which makes it very awkward? hmm i guess tt could be true but.... thing is, which is me. which is the real me.. act normal? the quiet and observant me? or the retarded me. i duno. nobdy noes. not even u bitch. so ya okay. i will take note of tt as well.?
so i had a dream. it kinda revolves ard the ppl ard me recently. erm ya u. and u. haha as i recalled. the whole dream was kinda boring. as per my reality, however it feels..exceptionally boring cuz when in my dreams, im watching it frm a 2nd or 3rd person's perspective? yea so its exceptionaly wtf.
meh yea its a reflection of my boring life nowadays and yea, some1 told me tt its time to change. i.. always noe tt but..shld i? change, might not be better. might..bring me down instead of up. if i had to risk getting down and hurting myself, of cuz i wld rather stay in this eqm state now.
meh. jumbled up brain .
1st theres this singh who came in to my workplace and asked if i want my future to be predicted. he said smth like "bla bla bla... but u think too much". heh, im guessing, thinking too much is a negative thing, so tt bla bla bla shld revolve ard "u haf a gd life, u are good, bla!" heeeehe, so yea tts the thingy
i.. think too much? mayb..mayb? probably. k i will take note of tt
uh den my fren said i was like nervous nervous, and i will try my best to act normal which makes it very awkward? hmm i guess tt could be true but.... thing is, which is me. which is the real me.. act normal? the quiet and observant me? or the retarded me. i duno. nobdy noes. not even u bitch. so ya okay. i will take note of tt as well.?
so i had a dream. it kinda revolves ard the ppl ard me recently. erm ya u. and u. haha as i recalled. the whole dream was kinda boring. as per my reality, however it feels..exceptionally boring cuz when in my dreams, im watching it frm a 2nd or 3rd person's perspective? yea so its exceptionaly wtf.
meh yea its a reflection of my boring life nowadays and yea, some1 told me tt its time to change. i.. always noe tt but..shld i? change, might not be better. might..bring me down instead of up. if i had to risk getting down and hurting myself, of cuz i wld rather stay in this eqm state now.
meh. jumbled up brain .
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
Heart.
1moredaytoadayttidontreallygiveshitabt! but no, im still gonna after all. haha. out of em. politeness i guess. if only i, haf a bad memory, i wldve been able to remove wadever grief i had and live totally happily. but its tt pain tt helps ppl grow, its tt pain, tt made me...different? heh
oh i am back to me. tt me i guess i wld flip sides each time i gave my heart away, haah so ya its tt turn. im now back to the dark side. (jus kidding.im still a little too nice to the point where i hate myself)
yup so lets cut the chase. apparently, it was for creating a better world for u. but its starting to feel kinda meaningless, and i guess a step too much. too much trouble, too much to pay for on my side, and i dont think ure gaining as much. meh doesnt make sense? its okay cuz it makes perfect sense to me so yea. and i miss that you, wher u will tell me all sorts of stuff abt u, tt happened to u, tt doesnt concern me a slightest bit but somehw, im actually listening and tryin to picture it. hahaa =_= wad happened. i wonder.
i wonder hw much longer i can hold on to this hopeless dream, a dream tt wldn come true, i wonder wads wrong with my judgemental and analytical skills. it..kinda doesnt function really well in this aspect. soooo, we shall see, till the point where my heart, tt was accidentally given to u to stop beating for ur sake. in fact to stop beating totally. ya i guess tts when we say goodbye.
it kinda.sux to walk ard w/o my heart with me.(doesnt matter if u dont understand the metaphor.) SOoooo, till the nxt update. most probably tml yay/
oh a last sidenote.i cut myself today. fk life yea_|_
oh i am back to me. tt me i guess i wld flip sides each time i gave my heart away, haah so ya its tt turn. im now back to the dark side. (jus kidding.im still a little too nice to the point where i hate myself)
yup so lets cut the chase. apparently, it was for creating a better world for u. but its starting to feel kinda meaningless, and i guess a step too much. too much trouble, too much to pay for on my side, and i dont think ure gaining as much. meh doesnt make sense? its okay cuz it makes perfect sense to me so yea. and i miss that you, wher u will tell me all sorts of stuff abt u, tt happened to u, tt doesnt concern me a slightest bit but somehw, im actually listening and tryin to picture it. hahaa =_= wad happened. i wonder.
i wonder hw much longer i can hold on to this hopeless dream, a dream tt wldn come true, i wonder wads wrong with my judgemental and analytical skills. it..kinda doesnt function really well in this aspect. soooo, we shall see, till the point where my heart, tt was accidentally given to u to stop beating for ur sake. in fact to stop beating totally. ya i guess tts when we say goodbye.
it kinda.sux to walk ard w/o my heart with me.(doesnt matter if u dont understand the metaphor.) SOoooo, till the nxt update. most probably tml yay/
oh a last sidenote.i cut myself today. fk life yea_|_
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)