tomorrow's burden.

This marks the 7th time im trying to post smth.

been trying to do tt but i didn cause erms.? i didn manage to grasp the perfect writing mood? i was too tired? and many many other reasons i guess.

went thru a series of bad days since last week and i..sincerely hope tt its gonna be better now.
the last attempt to post was titled wif a teardrop. i... am guessing tts hmm decribing how ive been living like. i was never happy. even when i laughed, even when i smiled even when im having tt expressionless face, even when im acting like an idiot. i wld always feel smth sourish? i dont noe if tts a gd description but yea.. smth feels uncomfortable when im back at home alone, i wld still feel...hmm strange. i guess. no matter how much fun i had, no matter how much i laughed. im stil alone.

ive tried to cry but no tears came out, multiple times, even when im gulping alcohol and blasting tt bloody song into my ears, i felt tt a tear drop was forming. but well, it nv fell.=_= i guess tts mayb good. shows tt i aint tt weak perhaps?

i wanted to b able to live normally w/o being even slightly bothered abt wad ure doing. for i noe tt this is a hopeless 1 sided thingy. but...like a fool i wld still want to find out hw ur life is when ure out of my sight. this cant go on. its..only gonna hurt me more. tt, impossible infatuation gotta stop somewher somehow, somewhat.
anw, ive met you today. like finally, after torturing me for abt a week or so. with ur bloody slow replies claiming tt u were bz. for gods sake, im nt stupid, and its nt difficult to find out. anw, i guess after seeing u, all those unhappiness went away. we..were somewhat able to talk like b4, eat tgt like b4, chill tgt like b4. i...kinda missed you alot. i finally realized. as usual, whenever ure telling me abt some misfortunes tt happened to u, i always listened wif cringed eyebrows, unable to laugh it off like a joke. (and i think tts the same for the other u too, i..cant luff it off like u tried to) k anw yea..it...made me wanted more..i want to b in ur life more.. tho i used the past 9mths? to distance myself frm u... i..wld still come running to u if u called for me. like today.

bahhbahh but oh wels.i...shall keep tt teardrop in my eyes for now. i really realized now.. i..dont love u.like i did. ytd.
=) oh yea and im not really glad tt ure going into tt sector. are u kinda dumb? the world aint as black and white as u presumed u fool. i..really hope tt u will do well and are rly able to stick to ur principles and ur morals all the way. i..rly hope tt somehow somewher, sometime in the future, we'll b able to...get closer again. and if tt time comes. i will not let u go. :'|

okay. i..jus finished an episode of runningman. but theres this weird sensation tt struck me. "ahh i..gotta worry abt tml.." however, to my knowledge, theres nth impt tml.. but yea i shld be looking for jobs and stuff. refusing to grow... refusing to accept tt reality.. aint gonna help me for long. i.. need to fly soon. tts tomorrow's burden. today's worry.

my tomorrow is.. realy unforeseeable and i dont like it.. i hope tt u will somehow contact me when..i miss u the most. erm no not u.. but you yes =) like u always, no sometimes did. hahaha.
i
miss
you.

i will miss you. hope to see u again soon. meh i think ure jus gonna say u aint got the time to spare. asshole.