Bachelors'

Had a bachelors' party last night. Supposingly. Lol cuz I don't rly noe what a bachelors' party shld be like but i think tt it shld include some alcohol and stuff so I think... Yup we had a bachelors' party last night.

Alcohol is rly smth tt helps bond ppl closer. Tts wad I think, tts prolly the answer I've been searching for. Under the influence of alcohol and dim lights, ppl become more truthful, ppl become more friendly and open, removing all the false pretense they put up day in day out. Secrets will be told, and we wld laugh at the tiniest thing. I guess generally ppl become happier after drinking but of cuz, the cost of it is to haf a hangover the next day and prolly puking ur guts out.

Well I hope everyone had fun. Especially to my very close fren who's getting married. Taking tt step forward and becoming a husband is smth I think a lot of ppl don't haf the courage for. Tt amt of responsibility tt comes along with it is unimaginable I guess. Like promising smbdy tt "yea I'm gon take care of u forever". Jus thinking abt it is giving me the creeps lol. K fine to be fair, it's nt like I didn haf tt mentality before but... U noe, sometimes it's q hard to follow through with tt decision. Like after a few years, won't u look at those ppl who's not married having helluva fun but u having to go home and u noe, take care of tt fking crying baby. Yup it will be worth it but.. Of cuz there shld be moments whereby u will go like "fk this.. I shldnt haf gotten married"

Still... I'm glad tt I got to send him off. Hahaha. This is it. Gdbye freedom for him. Hello to the nxt stage of life.

Well on the other hand.. I'm still deep in the sea of freedom and relaxation. I noe I'm so gonna pay a price of these freedom I'm enjoying now but, I'll.. See how it goes. Ill yea. Haha.

Letting go.
Now tt I think I'm pretty much close to the truth. Perhaps it's rly time to let it go. Just another yesterday's idea.
The last goodbye tt is said by my heart. Will nv reach ur ears but at least, it reached my brain. And I shld be able to move on from tt spot sincerely frm nw on. No sorrow, no more emotions.

Why. How.

So why did I fall in love with drinking. Err tracing back to the beginning... It was... When... I was....18.? And den all those social gatherings tt I haf to go always somehow happen to involve alcohol made me not mind drinking it. I guess I evolved further when I was in uni. Heh.

Lols when asked abt wad my interests and hobbies were.. I don't think I can gif a gd answer. Lol cuz I don't play soccer, I don't play basketball, k I don't play any sports, and I don't do anything in particular. LOL jus sleeping and breathing and prolly doing some studying. Perhaps a boring life but.... Well tts how I liked it:) too bad abt tt heh.

I rly rly gonna leave soon. Hahaha. Like soon cuz.. Well. I've gotta set my priorities well. Wasting anymore time wldve been.. Pretty bad. So, yea I'll.. Leave. Soon.

Heh. Can't fall asleep again-__- it's 3am btw and I have to wake up at 6. Damn it all.
But well managed to grab a line outta a song tts pretty interesting. Heh.

 "So please. This is my last favour. If you ever run into me, will u please smile at me, who can't forget you?"
Such a.. Sad sentence lols. But ok tt will b my message for today.:)

Close far.

It felt tt ure still closeby and I can reach u if I jus extended my arm. But I realised, no tts nt true. All I see is jus an illusion. Ure alrdy long gone. In a place far, far away. Tt sense of familiarity shldve disappeared by nw. If we ever meet again, we will be probably strangers. Or merely hi-bye. But well it's nt like i didn try, so I guess I don't haf any regrets. Tho the chances are slim, if we ever haf the chance to get in contact again, I hope I wldve alr became a better man. But even if we don't ever contact each other, I guess, it's fine too. I suppose all these sticky past will be gone soon anw. As usual, I'll live so it's fine.

Oh yay. Ok. And lols I actually don't haf much time to entertain, ok I don't wanna spend anytime entertaining anyone who's not worth entertaining. Sry bout tt. I ain't the friendly type to begin with. Ok mayb I was but now, I'm definitely not. So unless u gif me a good reason tt I shld be nice to u and entertain u, yea. I'm jus gon reply only when I felt like it.

Pretty much sinking into my freee life. But well, I can't say tt I hate it. Fine I'll climb out of it soon la. Not much money left anw. Lols

Drinking 2.

Went for steamboat at mhao hse today, was originally pretty anxious abt hw they will grill me bout u noe, my job and shit which is fking annoying, it.. Didn rly happen luckily. Heh. So even tho I lost $10 in gambling, I felt tt it's pretty ok too. It was fun. I rly suppose tt this cld be one of our last gathering whereby we can enjoy so freely tgt. Well since every single one of us is abt to u noe, step into the society and... Work?!

Ah. Those times were fun but... When the time comes, we haf to grow regardless of how reluctant we are. And yes I've alrdy reached the limit of my welcome( to stay home and rot) it's perhaps... Time for me to embrace my new world too. Sigh.. Cy.. Let's go

Concern

Much of me still remained there. There are times wher I felt rly lonely and jus hoped to haf some1, just anyone to be wif me. But I knew, it wld come at a cost. Like, if u need someone to be wif u when u need them, u must be prepared to be wif them when they need u too. The law of equivalent trade haha. that it itself... Could be too much of a hassle since I haf my own goals, targets or Wadever tt I wanna meet. Sparing my extra time on those ppl wld pretty much be a waste of time.

Though I'm pretty much wasting time playing games and slacking anw, but to me it's time well spent since I'm jus using it on myself u see. But.. Ok i hope it's fine Hahha as in I hope this kind of mentality is still acceptable by the social norms. Well someone once said tt I looked like I don't rly care abt things regarding relationships.? Tts so very wrong. I'm mega concerned, it's jus tt I didn wan to even waste my time on a 2nd glance for female human tt is most likely an unsuitable candidate, like mayb too pretty or...too not pretty.  Teh heh. If someone who qualifies to be my ideal partner appears i wld definitely be more proactive abt it. Hahaha. K exaggerated but ya, as of now I'm just trying to put myself as my centre of my world since, giving up so much for other ppl made me lose so much and with almost ZERO RETURNS is pretty much unappealing hence, since now tt I'm free from those bindings, some quality chill time for myself wldn be too much right.?

Yup tts.. Me. I'm self-centered for now. And even tho I sincerely hoped tt I cld be part of ur life and express my concerns abt u even when u felt tt the whole world is against u but. All I cld do is to, forget u and not appear in ur life anymore.

ill be cool. ill remain as a spectator, jus watching and praying for ur happiness. for as long as i can before i move on yea? ok bye.

Drunk

So I slept a hell lot ytd and today. Went for some horrible drinking session and puked my ass off. Sigh I'm totally nt as gd as I used to be. Well jus being worse than before. The hangover is rly bad and I had to lay in bed till 2+Pm today. For wad, I Duno. But well perhaps for a fren.? Since he ain't feeling all too happy or smth.

Well supposed to b a fun experience if I didn overshot the limit again-_-
K well so it's done, luckily I didn rly lose anything this time heh. So it's cool.

Haf to remember. Haf to remember. Cuz I'm slowly getting dragged by those annoying pride issues but, yea I'm slowly forgetting things tt are rly impt. So YES.

Do not forget bro. Keep it in mind. Remb. Ur goal.

Oboimashita.

I remembered.

After swimming around in the mud pool for a month, or rather disgusting coffee pool, my life has been abt surviving week after week, getting by day by day. Feeling disgusted, unhappy, humiliated. I almost forgot about my goals. My goal is not to just about surviving, it's about..triumphing. It's about looking down at the world frm the top.

So tt I can be a greater person, a greater person who can get ur heart fluttering, a greater person who can have u. Well even if I didn manage to get u, being great will make me satisfied enuf. So...ha. Tho u didn do anything, we aren't even in contact. I'm jus being a creep, probably, but err if u look at it frm another point of view, it's jus about a man. Wanting to be become better becuz he has a goal in mind.?

Well i guess it's rly hard for a man to slog his guts out if he doesn't has a goal in mind. Be it a short term or a long term one, be it a meaningful one or not, the act of working hard towards smth is worthy enough of praise. So... Perhaps good job cy. Go and fufill ur, my destiny.

Thank u. Regardless, hmm.. Jus for being, erm u noe, yea. Ok.

Thank u nonetheless.

Let me.

Let me forget the past.
Let me have the courage to step into the real world.
Let me ignore all the minor unhappiness caused by insignificant filths.
Let me haf to motivation to finish up my studies. Mayb tml, mayb. Soon pls.

Those memories are pretty annoying, tt urge to go back to the times when I'm happy, having someone who managed to move my heart. But, reality says tt it's alr over. There's no way to go back to tt moment anymore. So I jus let out a deep sigh and go into a minor depression. For abt. 0.062144 seconds.? Den I remembered tt I shld b working hard towards my goal. The studying tt needa to be done. So yea able to put it aside. Tho it will jus come back every once in a while.. But I guess it's fine. I'll live.
So yup saw, someone tt looks like someone who used to matter a lot to me so, thus the surge of emotions. Well, I'm still gon be me. I'm still gonna be heartless and cold. I shld be, if not, I wld b hurt again. Which won't be nice.

Mega distracted

Much as I'm motivated to study, workin in a cafe is definitely a dream crusher. Lol. I had this moment  whereby I totally wanted squash all of their conceited ass but, hhahaa. The nxt moment I remb tt these minor humans ain't worth my time. Haha no, they didn do nth, jus don't quite like myself being humble and all lol. Funny isn't it, since they're the incumbent and I'm jus dere for a while, I told myself to be humble and jus do Wadever they ask me to do. But after a while, my pride... Once hailed as the best, now.... Lol wad haf I bcome. BUT NO, interfering wif their business is totally nt worth it. -_- I noe, I've got better things to do. Like study lOl. But u noe sometimes.. I jus can't help losing in any form.

K fine. I'll. Calm down and jus briefly talk abt stuff. Hahah. Random thought abt my cash flow issues. LOl. I was thinking even tho I'm quite trying my best to scrimp and save, loads of random huge spendings jus had to come my way. Like, club, meds frm dermatologist, Errm prolly furnitures for my room too. Ugh so I was wondering whether my outflow is higher than my inflow. But well those were... Mandatory spendings so I don't haf much things to comment heh.

So I guess it's pretty cfmed. I'm most prolly gon be a groomsmen in July and sep. Heh. Side note, freaking reservist in dec argh.

K so tts pretty awesome. Groomsmen and all. Hahaa kinda looking forward to it tho I think I won't know what to do. LOL looking forward, wif some anxiety. Heh. I guess I've reached tt age wher... My frens are getting married and I Duno wtf I'm doing Lol. Well life's short, y hurry yea?.

For now... Tts all.! Yay hahah needa study but my hands jus needa touch my fone every now and den but nt doing anything

Recovery.

Took a day and a half to fully recover frm jus tt one clubbing. But why is it tt clubs are so empty these nights. With more clubs closing down, I supposed the remaining ones wld be full of ppl but it's proven otherwise. Why. Well. Ok fine. Heh.

Severely lagging behind my schedule. What's new. Mega sleepy these days for some reason k yes alcohol ok but arghs. Sigh. Hafta stay away frm it. It feels so damn bad every single moment at work lol. I wld be cursing and feeling down every single moment there. So tts pretty sad. It's like, I kinda need the money and time, but I'm totally nt fully utilizing the time tt I cld spare. Wad a waste isn't it, like I'm getting the worst of both worlds. Nt having money and nt studying. Wad now, Tryta buck up den, and I'll try to keep up wif myself .

Gotta immerse in music therapy. To remind myself of the happy times. Those short lived ones. Heh. Uh. Ah. .

smth better

I'm pretty much wasting my time away, I'm so gonna regret it few weeks later. Clearing out my room and my dad repainted it. There is an image of a classy black grey room in my mind but... Tt wldve required some money and I don't think tts rly ideal. I'll see wad I can do, with the least amount of money, making the most out of everything.

Decided to throw away those soft toys in my room, even tho it kinda... Hurt.? Hmm jus a little bit of reluctance to throw it away. Even tho they are all in a pretty gd condition, mum suggested  tt I gif it to someone who might've wanted it, but u noe, these kind of things jus accumulate. And I don't think anyone wldve wanted some 2nd hand, prehistoric soft toys ya.? Threw it away after staring at it fr abt 2 seconds. Yea, one has t be able to kill his emotions in order to be able to haf a nicer looking room. And so I did.

Tt aside, Ive also been doing smth routinely, well it used to be useful? K mayb not, but now it's totally pointless but I.. Jus can't kick the habit. Note to self, perhaps I will jus slowly drift away. Someday U will jus completely disappear frm my memories, but.. Jus not today I guess. Just. Not today.

Mayb I'll throw away all the cards and stuff tt piled up in my drawer too.