It's 2:31am. And it's raining so it's kinda cold, but nt exactly tt bad. However, I felt like I wanted smth to make me feel warm, mayb it's due to the shits tt were happening ard me tt made me feel tt I wanted warmth badly. Den I realized the sad truth tt I ain't got a blanket.-_- cuz on Normal days I don't rly use em. Arh so I'm making do wif all these spare pillows and bolsters wif my jacket and cardigans lol.
Well well, ytd midnight, i... Went for a little walk, haha hoping to get a breather. Hmm it rained q heavily which is kinda nice and it made me hw do u say it, cherish being at home much more.? Cuz it's rly rly very comfortable at home compared to tt cold chilly winds tt makes ppl depressed, esp when it's raining. Haha hw uncomfortable wld I haf felt if I'm like homeless OMg.. Tt feeling... I didn even wanna start thinkin abt it.
K so.! Yea after enduring thru the hard storms outside, I think I had a clearer mind, like comparing
the downpour as all the problems tt we experience in life,u won't rly die frm it even if u jus endure
thru it. but however, wif an umbrella, it's definitely way way easier to get thru the storm. Tt said, our family, our frens who are there for u even when ure experiencing hardship acts like an umbrella, tt protects u frm the storm, tho u might still get wet, at least, ure happy to noe tt it cldve been worse. Much worse.
Nxt chapter, haha so even up till today, I've yet to receive smth tt I... Had been hoping to get since like months ago.? Smth I've lived for. Hahaha. It's sad to noe tt my placing in ur heart was actually tt low. And the fact tt all my efforts and feelings didn reach ur heart. Tt sux. Jus thinking of tt made me feel über depressed and urged me to jus get faraway frm u. Tt said, I don't think tt I wld actually bear to and logically, I shldn. As in coz I need tt money and my pride and my feelings and everything, can't even compare to wad I needa achieve.
Is it even a mistake to haf hope,? Wad I've always asked for isn't alot. Tho Ive always tried to convince myself tt I shldnt hope for anything to prevent disappointment, but... Nah, u and I noe
it
doesn't work tt way, tt tiny ray of expectation nv dies off completely. Dreams dashed, hopes crushed, wishes unfulfilled, ill live thru them, so pls stop torturing me. I beg u.
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