logical.

hi today its the logical cy blogging.


hmm to catch up with my life, even tho ive been blogging, it has been those.. u noe, some lame stuff.
so...today ive made my choice, careerwise. as mentioned before... the highroad tt i was talking about. of cuz the risk is a little bit too high, but.. its smth tt i rly wanted to do. or at least try. perhaps it was too early, perhaps i shldn haf been so impatient and jus accept this conspicious job.


as the law of finance(self-proclaimed) stated, high risks comes with high returns. so, if i didn haf the courage to take tt risk, i.. wouldnt be moving forward. i may lose some things, but if  it goes well, i wld gain much more than anyone else did.


if it didn go well, i hafta say, i wldve gained some experience and u noe, i will simply.. continue my job hunt, and of coz prolly at the opportunity cost of a few thousand dollars.(like if i'd gotten a more proper job) ive gotta say, the experience will..bring me somewher. somewhere tt i rly wanted to go to.


ppl always say tt i didn noe what i want. tt is pretty untrue. i knew what i wanted. i wanted perfection. i wanted a risk-free + low skill requirement job while at the same time, high paying. tt wldve been anyone's ideal i guess. but the world jus wont spin it tt way.


so its fine. im...gonna go for it and den see how it goes? of cuz i hafta pray tt it will go towards the more ideal side.




okay tt is pretty much done abt updating abt my life. im prolly gonna list out a buncha stuff tt i didn blogged abt abt my past. so yea, u cld stop reading the below part since its jus some whiny shit. =)


hi annyeong. tt cy is back. the...u noe, weak one.


few mths ago, tt cy told me, if u wanna succeed, u hafta cut away all the distractions tt cldve stopped u frm achieving it. and hence, i...did. i didn noe if its worth it cuz, i dont think theres any equation tt cldve solved this properly.
i tried focusing on studying, i cut u off cuz of so many reasons. 1) i dont even noe if im even absorbing enuf. (2) Perhaps a motivation in life cldve helped me


no one noes the correct answer, only until its too late. perhaps i shldve been less strict. i shldnt try so hard to be god. after all, im still clad in this human flesh, and skin, and erm, u noe human heart. i duno. i dont know. sometimes smth will jolt my memory and ill start doing alot of things to bring back what i decided to throw away. tts stupid. but i guess its humane.
nonethelesss, when i cant bring it back, i.. lose heart, lose slp, lose will, lost almost everything tt kept me hanging. but i.. somehow lived through it.


a few days of drinking n emo-ing(pretty much on my own) and jus doing nth much at home prolly helped but... i cant guarantee u tt it wont happen again but at least now.. im probably able to control myself. protect u. frm. me.


this thought came to me these few days, here goes,
" im grateful tt u were there hanging out with me when i was down and out. entertaining my whimsical demands. trying ur best to accomodate to my unreasonableness and my uselessness and selfishness etc. however.. those days are over. now im so willing to give u back tenfold of what u tolerated. perhaps its too late. perhaps its not. i.. may never ever noe the answer but. know this, im.. thankful for all the fun and memories we made tgt. im thankful for ur efforts to make me happier.


and of cuz im sorry tt i pushed u away due to prolly my own selfishness. but. if ure happy now den its all okay. but of cuz. remember, u...cldve came back to me and i will give u nth but happiness this time, no less than anyone else cld gave u.


so tts tt. if u come back u will see. if u dont, ill haf to gif what i owed u to someone else. and tts pretty sad. goodbye. take care. sorry and thank u."




okay i hope after ive said all those, ill be able to move on. cuz... my life ( if nth fking sad happens) is gonna get exciting 2days frm now and i hope i wont haf the time to emo any longer.


so please. god. or wadever. please stop letting me experience sorrow. its... rly enuf please. im.. already way stronger than any other human. let. me. live. happily OKAY.?! _|_